Is it normal to feel really bad after a pelvic exam/gyno visit?

44% Normal
10 Comments

*This might be really uncomfortable for some people. Just a heads-up

Late last year I went to the emergency room in extreme pain for what turned out to be a ruptured ovarian cyst. My right ovary hurt on and off all last year and still hurts now. A friend helped me set up a visit to a gyno at a local community clinic so I could get a pelvic exam. I'd never done this before and I'm in my mid-20's. I am a virgin, for one thing, but I've pretty much always had horrifically painful periods that make me throw up and want to die, so I really should've seen one well before now.

I had a very, very bad time. For some reason I froze up when the doc told me to take my clothes off, even though that was obviously going to happen. After I got in position to be examined, she told me about the speculum and stuff. I flinched as soon as she touched me b/c I'm not used to anybody touching me down there at all, and she made a comment about that, even though it's not like that was a voluntary reaction (I'm rather jumpy in general).
I had read beforehand that, while there is obviously nothing pleasant about the exam, that it should not hurt, and if it does, then either: 1. something is physically wrong, or 2. The doc is doing something wrong, and that I should say if it hurts and then they should stop. Well. . .

It hurt. It REALLY, REALLY HURT. The pap smear hurt some, but it really hurt like hell as she tried to insert and open the speculum. I said so and I think the first time she stopped. I had slid pretty far back in response to the whole thing. I gradually and reluctantly slid back to the edge of the exam table. I was told to relax, breathe, and squeeze the attending nurse's hand.

I think she tried two more times, and I remember saying over and over "It hurts it hurts it hurts!" and the last time she only stopped as I nearly started screaming. She said she hadn't been able to even do the exam.
I sat back up. I felt shocked and guilty and I started to cry. I apologized. She handed me tissues. I cried as I put my clothes back on.

They had me get a blood draw last to check my iron. I normally feel faint during a blood draw, but I barely even felt it. The gyno was in the room and she asked me if I was ok, to which I replied with a shrug "I guess so."

From some combination of feelings like maybe shock, regret for having wasted time and money, and having been a troublesome patient, I repeatedly teared up after the appointment was over. I went from that to a weird kind of mood as if nothing had happened later, for some reason.

When told that being tensed up could've made it hurt more, I feel guilty for having been tense and making it hurt. When somebody says I should've mentioned I was a virgin, that I hadn't had a pelvic done before, etc., I feel bad for not having said it b/c it feels like I made it hurt by not doing things right. I didn't want to do anything sexual by myself for maybe a couple days after b/c I felt bad, and I do that pretty regularly.

I still think about that often, and I'm scared about going back. Does that make sense? Is it weird? Have you dealt with something similar?

Voting Results
44% Normal
Based on 9 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    First of all I’m not sure what goes down because I haven’t had that done yet but if I were you I’d go in at your own time when you’ve thought it over and feel more comfortable with getting this done. I’m sure it’s important and especially if you’re experiencing these issues and getting this done could potentially help them help you with your pain.

    Take some time to think it over and set up a appointment when you’re ready. I even had to do that not long ago on getting blood work because I’ve had lots of complications with my blood in the past and getting blood drawn gets me fainty on top of that so It makes me terrified. But what makes things hurt more and seem much worse is the anxiety letting it happen but giving myself time before getting this done was nice and when it was happening I felt dumb for being so scared for some simple blood taking process that wasn’t to painful even tho I got stabbed a few times.

    Between being scared and uncomfortable it doesn’t surprise me something will make you tense up and make things seem worse than they are. Take your time learn more about whats fully going to happen when you get it done so you know exactly what to expect because being anxious during the process doesn’t work out in favor.

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  • SwickDinging
    5 years ago

    If you tense up then the speculum being shoved in is painful. To be honest I find it uncomfortable even when I'm relaxed - and I've popped kids out lol.

    But it's no good being told you need to relax more when you're so nervous, it's just going to fall on deaf ears. I'm sorry you've had such a horrible experience, that first gyno appt is always a bit weird and uncomfortable anyway. You need to get back in there and let them do the exam for the sake of your health, but make sure you do so on your own terms, and more importantly let the doctor know how nervous you are and what happened last time. If she seems unsympathetic and doesn't try and relax you then tell her to get away from your vagina and find a better doctor. You can do it OP! Deep breath! Good luck!

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  • Tealights
    5 years ago

    You're normal for someone with extreme anxiety. Get that checked, cause you're freaking out a little too hard there. Also, you never been to a GYN until now?! What on earth were your parents/guardians doing...

    1. It doesn't matter if you're a virgin. Normally, girls should have a GYN at age 15 (more or less depending on the parent). Personally, I didn't tell my doctor until she looked at my vagina and asked if I ever had sex or look at my chart to see if I had any sexual partners. When asked, I told her no and she nodded then got a much smaller tool.

    2. The doctors use lube for easy insertion. Also, doctors will never force an examination if the patient is uncomfortable or in pain. They will always announce what they are going to do before doing it, because in their profession, it's very easy for women to sue them.

    3. You got to relax. Your vagina is a muscle. If you're tense and scared, it'll be uncomfortable, but again, doctors will not force an examination.

    I doubt you're the first patient they had to freak out like that, so don't feel too bad. However, now that you have a rupture ovarian cyst with pain lasting for over a year, you really need to be checked and monitored in case it reoccurs or gets worse (in rare cases, if left untreated can lead to death). If you need help to chill out before an appointment, take 2 Advil 20 minutes before the appointment (eat food with it by the way), and let the doctor know you've taken an Advil, you're a virgin, and you had a rupture ovarian cyst.

    Just please, go back to the doctor.

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    • whaddaheyell
      5 years ago

      I'm on medications for anxiety and depression, I have a history of emotional abuse, have experienced some things that could be classified as sexual assault in my past, and lots of symptoms of PTSD. I also deal with chronic pain, so I don't think I'm much of a wimp. I take propranolol 2-3 times a day for dysautonomia (POTS, specifically)that gives me tachycardia and PVC's,and,incidentally, sometimes people take that for anxiety. I know I need to go see an OBGYN again, b/c I really want to know if I've got endometriosis or not (mom and paternal aunts have all had it). I just don't want another exam to feel so forced and rape-y. :(

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      • Tealights
        5 years ago

        Ah, so I was right. You're not a wimp, you just simply have a lot of anxiety/stress. The often you get a pap smear, the easier it becomes, but the first visit is always the hardest. The thing is, pap smears are going to be uncomfortable for many reasons, and one main reason is it's such a delicate area you don't just show to anyone.

        I think I may have a few helpful tips though, since you've experience sexual abuse, and seem to have a bit of vaginismus; you might have to focus on having more control in the examination and lessen the vulnerability you feel.

        1. If the weather allows it, wear a mid-skirt with or without stockings (or wear wool stockings if it's a little chilly). This way you don't have to undress fully and leave your shirt on. This is to help you feel less vulnerable and more in control, because at any moment you can simply tell the doctor to stop, sit up, pull your shirt down, put your shoes/panties on and leave.

        2. Bring a trustworthy friend, a friend who wont judge you and will tell the doctors to stop if they see something they're doing is bad/wrong. This will give you peace of mind and extra security.

        3. Since you've mention that you masturbate regularly (btw: don't do anything to your vagina 2 - 3 days before the pap smear, it'll interfere with testing results), you can ask the doctor if you can insert the speculum yourself. This will give you the ultimate control, because you're the one doing it the way you feel is comfortable. They can guide you to make sure you don't hurt yourself, but other than that, you're in control.

        4. At the end, they have to stick a finger or two inside you to feel for abnormalities. It's going to feel weird 100% and cold thanks to the lube they use, but before they do so, just practice breathing and calming techniques.

        5. Talk to your doctor before, during, and after examination. Talking about anything and everything regarding your health and experiences help a great deal. Not only will you get medical advice, but a lot of GYN's try to make their patients laugh in conversations to calm them down.

        Good luck, I hope it's a lot better next time.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    5 years ago

    It kinda felt rape-y. I know it was in a medical context and aimed at getting a diagnosis and treatment, but it still felt bad. It makes you feel powerless when you're telling somebody it hurts so badly and they just keep going anyway. She kept trying to do the exam after I'd said it hurt. Idk. She said I didn't look ok afterwards. I didn't feel ok, that's for sure.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    5 years ago

    It kinda felt rape-y. I know it was in a medical context and aimed at getting a diagnosis and treatment, but it still felt bad. It makes you feel powerless when you're telling somebody it hurts so badly and they just keep going anyway. She kept trying to do the exam after I'd said it hurt. Idk.

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  • Ellenna
    5 years ago

    I voted normal, as in normal for you to not feel good after that experience, but also wanted to vote not normal, as in it's not usual for a pelvic exam to be so painful.

    If you're tense or scared and probably as a result or for other reasons have little or no vaginal lubrication, there will be at least discomfort and at worst, pain.

    Stop feeling bad about yourself in relation to this: I don't mean to be patronizing but you can learn from this experience to be more communicative and assertive, especially with medical people and your own body.

    And of course you should make it clear to the next person who examines you that you are a virgin and that your recent experience was very painful: any good doctor will take that into account. It's easy to get flustered and forget to give relevant information, so maybe write down what you want to convey before you get there.

    Good luck! It's important you get through this negative stuff and take care of your own body.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    Next time you go to one (I suggest a different clinic), summon up your confidence and they the law down to then. Explaining your last visit to a gyno, then that your a virgin, that you tense up, etc etc. If they really are good at that stuff then you’ll probably have a better experience than last time.

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  • Boojum
    5 years ago

    https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/conditions/sexual-health/a23611347/vaginismus-treatments-tips/

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