Is it normal to fall in love with someone really fast?

77% Normal
9 Comments

I have been dating someone older than me for a couple of weeks probably a month but I find I want to spend more and more time with him, we say 'I love you a lot' and other things of that nature. We are super affectionate towards each other but I have had many emotionally abusive relationships and wonder if this a normal-ish way for things to progress.

Voting Results
77% Normal
Based on 22 votes (17 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 9 )
  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    I don't think it's possible to fall into actual love that quickly, but what you're experiencing is normal.

    I think people mistake feelings of infatuation, admiration, and lust for love too often.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
  • hungDaddy
    5 years ago

    Just make sure you watch out for yourself, especially having been in previous abusive relationships. Identify red flags and always put yourself first. I wish the best for you two :)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Akiko-kokoro
      5 years ago

      Thanks!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Mark110
    5 years ago

    The relationship is normal. If you find someone that you think is a great match for you, go for it. There is no shame in doing what your doing.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Boojum
    5 years ago

    The clue is in the term. It's called "falling" in love, because that's what it feels like. It feels like something is happening to you that's beyond your control, and it can happen unexpectedly and quite fast if two people seem to mesh perfectly.

    However, you need to be aware of a couple things.

    First, when you're getting to know someone who has created a positive first impression, it's not unusual to overlook the things that aren't so positive about them, and you can see the person you want to see rather than the reality. So who you're actually in love with is a false image of the person that you've created in your own head.

    Even if you are seeing the real person clearly, you also need to understand that the giddy, obsessive early stages of love can't be maintained for long. It's just too intense and emotionally exhausting.

    Sooner or later, reality intrudes, you come back down to earth, and then you have to decide if you truly want to be with the other person in spite of their faults and the inevitable tensions between you. If you both do want to remain together, then you have to accept that a relationship can only work long-term if both people are willing and able to communicate and compromise.

    You say you've been in multiple abusive relationships. That's not normal, and I hope you've spent some time trying to figure out why that happened. Some people are drawn to people they know will treat them badly due to deep psychological issues. Maybe they have low self-esteem and they seek out those who will confirm that they are worthless and don't deserve to be accepted and loved. Maybe they're emulating what they learned as a child watching what happened between their mother and her abusive partner(s). Maybe they just want a lot of drama in their life.

    Most guys are not abusive assholes, so you've either had some very bad luck, or you knew at some level exactly what sort of guy you were getting involved with, and you went ahead anyway.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Akiko-kokoro
      5 years ago

      Yeah, i'm in therapy for it all ad trying to get my life on track. I'm bisexual and most of my partners were women before this relationship although I have come to learn I tend to choose more emotionally distant and abusive people due to the fact I have very low self esteem and poor coping mechanisms (to be very brief lol) but this one seems a lot healthy than my other relationships but I making sure I look for red flags and such with the help of my counselor and a close friend.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Boojum
        5 years ago

        That's interesting.

        I recall reading an article a while back about how abuse in gay and lesbian relationships is under-reported and far more common than generally believed.

        I hope this one works out for you. Try to keep your head, but be brave and accept what's being offered.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
          -
        • Akiko-kokoro
          5 years ago

          From what I have experienced it's pretty common and being in the closet for years didn't help with that. I know a lot of friends I had ended up getting into serious trouble with their relationship but being in the closet made it so they couldn't get help for years.

          Also, thank-you. I too, wish you happiness.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    I don't know much about your relationship and situation, but I will say that there are certain types of people for whom relationships that move at a very fast pace are the norm. When there is a person with Borderline personality disorder and another person with Narcissistic personality disorder it's very common for the two to fall in love within a matter of days or even hours, and go on to have a codependent and dysfunctional relationship. I don't think this is what you are going to want to hear, but healthier, and more long lasting relationships tend to develope slowly over a longer period of time. However, the good news is that a month is not as bad as a weekend if that helps at all.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0