Is it normal to casually and consistently cut people out of your life

I usually do this every few months involving up to several people.

Is It Normal?
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  • Won't you run out eventually?

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  • I voted normal. Maybe you haven't found someone you click with or like enough. Maybe you never will. A huge percentage of folks suck and it's likely you and I are swept up in the wave of shittyness too, anyway.

    I have a ton of people I want to cut out of my life- my dad's side of the family. They're mostly pretty nice people, but I find them and their visits to be burdensome and disruptive.

    Society isn't what it used to be, or rather, we live in a super society. Close ties and people you thought you could trust to have your back (like family) used to be essential for human survival way back when.

    Nowadays, millions or even billions of people are connected via corporal machines and business interests. I can plug in as a cog, do my job, and the machine and the law is what I depend upon in society. It's very impersonal, but just as reliable or unreliable as having close contacts, the way I see it.

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    • Part of having those friend/family connections though is we were expected to act and live a certain way. Maybe people just got tired of it and decoded to live their own way, even at the cost of human connections.

      I guess it depends too on who you ask. The older we get, the less friends we seem to have. I remember when I was a little kid, the kids and teenagers always were hanging out, going skating, playing football, basketball, whatever. Adults were always alone.

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      • Yeah, I prefer to have a higher amount of freedom than fellowship, and to keep most people around me as acquaintances who don't interfere in my personal life. However, there are still people in my life who I value a lot, and I'm open to starting friendships if I get along really well with a couple people, not many though.

        Do you know what kind of stuff those loner adults did for their leisure time?

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        • No telling. Could be as simple as being an introvert or maybe they have habits or lifestyles that would turn people off and they prefer not to be harassed by well-meaning people.

          Maybe they are hoarders and ashamed of anyone seeing what their home looks like. Might not even be hoarding but how they decorate the place. Pictures of nude people on the walls maybe.

          Maybe they live normal but are afraid if someone comes into their home, the guest will just steal shit at the first opportune moment. That actually happened to me a couple months back.

          I think it mostly boils down to just some people like to live a certain way and they do not want anyone trying to interfere with it.

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          • Your last sentence resonates with me 100%. Also the thing about guests stealing is a big part of why I wouldn't even consider letting someone I hadn't known for a really long time spend the night or be unsupervised in my place.

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            • Stealing from a store or business bad enough but to be invited into someone's home and steal is about as low as it gets.

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  • Im the same. People shit me to tears. I still keep trying though because I do get very lonely. I prefer just one special person in my life than friends but even that never lasts. I cant maintain relationships much at all. Cannot tolerate my family so I avoid them like plague. If I reflect honestly about why Im like this I believe it has a lot to do with my upbringing. Bad parenting and bullying led to a profound lack of trust and very low tolerance threshold. I just do what I can and connect with people one on one if and when I can. We are social animals just like dogs so we get lonely and scared just like dogs when left alone for too long. Life is way more difficult when isolated. We need each other. I want to travel but I have no desire to go alone so I dont go. Life is better when shared.

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  • You are going to end up a sad, lonely, old person.

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  • It's called having standarts. Given the amount of fake, vain, empty, stupid, gross, disloyal ppl around it makes perfect sense

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  • No, it's not normal. Friendship and Relationships require committment. But it seems more common than it was 10 years ago. Especially with younger people.

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    • There's someone I work with who I don't want to lose. She's a wonderful person, sweet and caring. Thinking about having to cut her out makes me cry.

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  • No.

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  • To be honest, I have no idea like I do the same thing 😳

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  • IMO people play too many games and aren't worth your time and most of are out only for what they can get.

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  • THIS IS ME BTW!!!! WHY AM I EXCITED OVER THIS AND USING CAP LOCK??? SURELY I SHOULD BE DEPRESSED AFTER ONLY HAVING ONE FRIEND LEFT IN MY LIFE HAHAHA...hahahha..ha.h...

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    • Maybe you're excited, because it feels good to know you're not alone, to know you're not the only one.

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  • Depends, but either way I suspect you might do well to seek some help.

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  • How do you keep doing this? Seems like you would run out. And what justifucation for removing them are you using?

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    • Slowly went no contact with my relatives, then my friends, and now it's with work people. Either they're not good for me or I've fucked up too much.

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      • Is your family of origin especially dysfunctional perhaps?

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        • To make a long story short, I've moved around to different families/ care givers about seven times. Drugs and alcohol by my mother. My aunt and her family were the best to me though. I didn't see it at the time, but they were helping me develop into a real person but I acted up so much it was in everyone's interest that I go to my mother.

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          • Another thing that can help is ACA/ACOA which is Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. It's a twelve step program, but people don't generally use sponsors in this program. The Big Red Book, or rather the the twelve Step book for the program is really good, and has a lot of great information.

            Adult children generally need to learn about how to parent themselves, and learn to be their own inner loving parent. I think it's a great program!

            People who have had to deal with parents who abused substances, and or dysfunctional families tend to have problems with relationships with friends, and romantic partners, because they have a hard time identifying who the safe people are. Additionally children of alcoholics, and dysfunctional families tend to attract, and be attracted to unhealthy people, because that is what's familiar to them.

            Here's a link to their website:
            https://adultchildren.org/

            Here's a link to the *Laundry List* which is a list of the 14 traits of adult children of alcoholics, and dysfunctional families:
            https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/

            I also want to reccomend a book by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend called "Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't"

            I hope you these suggestions helpful. 🙂

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          • Yeah, that sounds quite traumatic. It's not normal that your mother abused drugs, and alcohol, but it sounds about right.

            Have you ever had a chance to express to your aunt that you appreciate what she tried to do for you?

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            • I moved out of state a little over ten years ago with my ex step/ adopted dad. Last time we talked was maybe two or three years ago inviting me to my cousin's wedding. I told them no.

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      • Everyone makes mistakes dude I don't see why you need to get them out of life for you. Thats kinda harsh don't you think?

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        • I'm a shitty person who needs experience to learn. I don't think going no contact at this point is excessive or harsh.

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          • Your method is a little off. How are you going to learn to interact with people normally if you cut them all out and isolate yourself?

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            • I practice at work, that's mostly how I interact with people.

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          • Well I think it is.

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  • like real life acquaintances or random people on social media who probably won't notice anyways?

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