Is it normal to be mute only sometimes?

So, I have this thing... It started when I was real little and would get yelled at for doing something bad. Instead of being the good kid I probably could have been, by just apologizing for whatever dumb shit I did, I often sat there screaming in my head to say something, anything. I still to this day cant speak when being confronted with something that I have done wrong, often times I get so frustrated with myself my eyes start watering. I would say I start crying however sometimes the emotion doesn't need to be there. Its like someone walks up to me agitated and my eyes respond by leaking every ounce of liquid it has stored in my idiotic body, while I try to choke out the words to explain. I want to say "I'm not crying because I'm upset I have no control over this." I try so hard to explain myself and I cant. I sit there opening and closing my mouth like some fish, stupidly gasping for air like it could possibly save it for suffocating.

When I was first born till around age five I was deaf and because of that picked up ASL. I lost most of it but am relearning in the hopes that when these events occur I can still communicate. But you see, I tried it a while back, a friend of mine was pissed at me because I lost something of hers that she had let me barrow. I started to cry and with the knowledge that she new ASL as well, I attempted to sign but they came out choppy and she and no clue what I was trying to say.

I think the worst part about this is that it doesn't just happen when being yelled at, I've scared off multiple partners because of this, this thing that happens. Its like when I'm given to much information to process I just shut down. For instance during foreplay. Me and my partner will be having a good time and then they ask me something and I panic. I try to talk but all I can do is open and close my mouth because words don't cascade from my mind like they usually do. By the time I realize whats going on I'm sobbing. Now, I warn partners of this before hand, I explain that asking me anything will just lead to panic. However I've had a few partners who I've been able to over come this with, it took a few years but I could do it. Usually my speech makes little to no sense in these situations and the only way to fix it is to leave the situation altogether and come back when both me and the other party has calmed down.

However it occurs more often when put into verbal battles which of course I stand no chance in because I cant get a word in anyways. Even when the person tells me to speak, even when I know what I want to say... I just cant. This only occurs in these two situations which means its likely not selective mutism. Not to mention the fact that I'm only ever shy when first meeting someone. I love talking to people and have never really shied away from it so I don't think its a social anxiety... So is it just something that's normal? I would also like to mention that when I was a kid I had more then my fair share of accidents including three concussions and a fractured skull. (not from abuse I was just a really dumb kid). Before you ask no, I have never told a doctor or my parents even if they did view it a lot when I was younger I think they always assumed I didn't want to talk. My mother often said it wasn't worth it to yell at me because I would just tune her out. Anyways opinions would be greatly appreciated as I am clueless and tend to beat myself up about this.