Is it normal to be bad at making friends?

I’ve had social anxiety my whole life and I got help for it and I am so much better now, however I still find it hard to make friends... talking to people I’m good at now, but whenever I want to make a friendship my head starts telling me I’m being too much or they won’t want to be my friend.

I have one high school friend who tbh isn’t much of a friend but I hung onto her because I have no one else.
I’m only realising this because my Grandad just passed and I told her and she doesn’t seem to care.

I recently sold some puppies and just as I sold them all a girl messaged me wanting one. I had sold them all but said If I hear of any I will let you know so for a few weeks I was chatting to her and sending her any adverts and never thought anything of it but she found one herself and messaged me right away and showed me when she picked it up, we messaged for 3 days straight and now it’s stopped... idk how to make a friend of this girl, we have the same interests etc but we’ve never met and she doesn’t really know me. My anxiety is saying leave her alone you’ll annoy her... but would I? If I messaged again in a week or two?

Is It Normal?
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 7 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Social skills are easier to develop when you're younger, as school certainly makes it easier for most people. If these aren't developed early, for one reason or another, people will find themselves struggling to find friendships in their adult life.

    It's a technical normality as there are plenty of people with the issue. Myself included. It doesn't mean it's healthy for us though.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Developing social skills is never easy if they were not taught to your naturally as you were growing up.

    May I suggest a really good book that I am sure will assist you: "How To Win Friends & Influence People In The Digital Age" by: Dale Carnegie & Associates. This is an update of the old classic.

    People who read self help books to develop themselves often more into leadership rolls down the road (Leaders are readers - and not just science fiction, fantasy, romance, etc).

    I wish you well with this,

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • It is normal but you should genuinely try to understand why this is.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I have the same worries of annoying people, as well as my brain automatically telling me they're likely not interested in being my friend or I'm bothering them. It really sucks. For some reason mine is limited to people closer to my age (especially women, despite me being one, myself), but I'm excellent with people in their 40's or older and feel completely at ease around them. To be honest, it's been the hardest thing I've been trying to overcome in my life, and is one of many issues that stemmed from my lack of confidence for several years (which I'm also still working on).

    I am sorry for the loss of your Granddad, by the way. I'm also sorry your friend doesn't seem to care too much.

    I think making friends as an adult is harder than when you're in school, because not only are you always surrounded by people your age on a daily basis, but it seems it's easier to find people you have something in common with at that age. I've found that I've grown apart from all but one of my high school friends (I have another I'm still in contact with, but we've definitely grown apart and don't have much in common anymore, and I find our conversations don't come naturally like they used to). It definitely doesn't help if you work alone or don't get a lot of time to get to know the people you work with. It also seems that nobody really goes out and does things as a group anymore, even pre-COVID. Everything seems to be about social media anymore, which I'm not much of a fan of. People generally seem a lot less social than in the past, and nobody really strikes up conversions with each other out in public much anymore.

    I don't think messaging this person could hurt, though. Worst case scenario, they don't answer back and you get your answer. But, they could be as afraid of bothering you as you are of them, and waiting for you to message them. I doubt they will think anything negatively of you, and if they do when all you've done is try to be nice, it's really their issue. Now only if I could rationalize that in my brain when it starts playing tricks on me, lol.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
Add A Comment