Is it normal to always be obsessed with past lovers

Whenever I find myself with someone new I always miss and obsess over the last person i’m with, no matter how much i dislike the old person and like the new one.It’s not one certain person i miss it’s whoever came before the new person. What should I do because it happens every time?

Is It Normal?
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  • I am exactly the same way and always have been. I'll obsess over anything related to my past even if it wasnt good. I think its my general fear of change and the fact that at least one knows the past while the future is not yet written. There is a strange comfort in that. Yet at the same time you're never happy because you need to be focused on the present while working toward the future to be happy.

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    • I totally feel the same way about the past being known and there being a comfort in that, while the future is a bit scary since it's unknown. I definitely am not a fan of change, either, and think about my past a lot, but thankfully not as much as I used to. You're correct that it's important to focus on the present and work toward the future in order to be happy.

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  • Perhaps it is a "grass is greener on the other side/want what you can't or no longer have" kind of thing? I think humans tend to view certain things like this, and view people/things from their past through rose colored glasses, even if said people/things were actually not good for them at all. I've oddly fondly reminisced on times in my life that were very hard, but my mind focused on the good. I think the fact that it is no longer makes it a "novelty" to the human mind.

    Unfortunately, I'm not sure how you would stop something like that, other than trying to be as realistic as possible with yourself about how the prior relationship really was and why it failed, and perhaps reminding yourself of the bad things so you don't fall into the trap of missing the good.

    Also, are you a person who dislikes/is afraid of change, or perhaps are nervous about entering a new relationship/getting close with someone new? Perhaps your mind's way of dealing with this is to remind you of your past, which can be comforting to those of us who do not like or are afraid of change (myself included; I tend to be a very nostalgic person who finds comfort in the past and dislikes the uncertainty of the present and future, though I'm not as bad about it as I used to be). What has helped me in this area is to remind myself that I need to enjoy the present instead of focusing on the past, as someday this will be the past and I'll regret having missed out on it by reminiscing too much on times bygone. That, and reminding myself that those times weren't as rosy as my mind makes them seem, and also of all of the things about the present that are better than they were back then. If you're nervous about getting close to someone new, maybe take things slow to allow you to get to know each other well before taking things to the next level.

    I can't say I've experienced what you're experiencing, so I'm just grasping at straws with my answer, but I hope at least some of it helps!

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  • Normal it's an issue with attachment. You probably have an anxious attachment style. Maybe try talking with a therapist.

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  • Are you obsessed with the relationship or the intimacy?

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  • Me too until I find them on Facebook and realize shes put on 50lbs

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  • You should find someone that is into cuckolding , this way you would be both happy

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  • No just let it go and go find a new love.

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  • I think you're setting yourself up for failure in your new relationships. You need to let go to give yourself a chance.

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