Is it normal that this is a huge issue for me?

I am a very opinionated young man, and this causes me a lot of issues. Everything I hear people say, I find a way how I disagree and justify it. I have a lot of unpopular and extreme opinions on a lot of moral and political issues, and I can't say what I think without offending people. But I cannot disconnect myself with my opinions because I so strongly believe in them. And I can never let something be said that I think is wrong without speaking up or arguing. Basically, I have a lot of unpopular and extreme beliefs that makes it hard to have normal conversations and relationships because I am so passionate and convinced of what I think. What should I do to rectify this problem? Should I try not to care as much?

Is It Normal?
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  • You sound like someone who believes they've got the whole world sorted out into neat categories of black and white. And that means you sound like a punk kid who actually knows only a smidgen more than fuck-all.

    The more you learn, the more you learn just how little you know, and the more you begin to understand that the world is actually an infinite number of shades of grey. Anyone with half a brain also eventually understands that pontificating about their opinions is a pointless waste of their time. People believe all kinds of irrational, really stupid shit because that's how they make sense of the world. They'll only change those opinions when something drastic happens that forces them to reconsider. You shouting half-baked theories of your own at them isn't going to do it. In fact, what usually happens when people are confronted by someone who challenges their belief system is that they will go through all sorts of mental gymnastics to prove to themselves that the challenger's opinion is invalid and their's is correct.

    In your case, if you come across as a belligerent dick, that should be enough on it's own to prove to others that you're full of shit.

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    • I do think I have a lot of things pretty well figured out, and its likely that is part of the problem. But I am a little confused here. I know you hate me and all, but may I ask you why? What good does it do you? If I did not value others opinions, I would not have posted this. I seriously have this problem, and I seriously want help. Don't repeatedly tell me I have issues, because I already know that! I am just aksing for help!

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      • I don't hate you, dude. I've known people like you IRL, and I don't throw rocks at them or try to set their house on fire. If it's possible, I simply avoid having anything whatsoever to do with them. If I must spend time with them because they're work colleagues or something, I limit our conversations to the minimum necessary, and refuse to engage with them once they start ranting. I've found that a shrug and 'whatever' is the best way to deal with such people.

        You make a valid point when you suggest that you deserve some credit for asking your question here. That does suggest a degree of self-awareness that's usually lacking in opinionated dicks.

        You say you want to figure out how to stop irritating people. My response above implies how you can do this: accept that your opinions are merely opinions, and understand that you don't have a duty to share them with everyone.

        If someone recognises that their behaviour is causing problems in their life, than the simple solution is that they should accept responsibility for their own actions and stop doing whatever that may be. If they find themselves unable to stop, then it's a compulsion, and they'll probably only be able to alter their behaviour once they understand why they feel the need to create problems in their own life. I very much doubt if any IIN members are psychic psychologists who can poke around in your head and tell you why you do this. You may be able to figure it out for yourself after a lot of reflection, but you might need to spend some time with a good counsellor.

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        • That is more helpful! And It should ne made known, that people think I am nice and sociable with a good personality and all. Most people are surprised that I am so opinionated when they find out because I seem like a nice guy. I really try not to act like a dick but often it is just my opinion that makes poeple think I am one.

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      • I think perhaps the problem is you don't know when to pick a battle. When one matures they learn to pick thier battles and when to cut thier losses. Even if say you are usually correct this is how you make enemies my freind.

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        • I know that is part of it. I am working on it but people do still get pissed often just based on what I believe and would have been pissed regardless.

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  • You just seem, all together, a cunt.

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    • Nah, cunts are deep and warm and beautiful

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    • I admit that I have issues! Did you read the title? I am seeking help for my problem! Most people seem to think I am a cunt because of my opinions, but I have trouble not caring. The question is about what I should do to rectify this issue that I FULLY ADMIT to having!

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      • Yeah probably. Know your crowd. If you know people don't want to hear your opinion, keep it to yourself.

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      • It's pretty damn simple, kid: STFU.

        You have your opinions. Big fucking deal. Everyone has loads of opinions about all sorts of shit, and lots of them are based on nothing more substantial than wishful thinking, their interpretation of some old book, what Mommy and Daddy told them, or some crap they saw on Fox News.

        Why is it so damn important that you win arguments with people over this shit? Are you deluded enough to believe it's going to change the world?

        Did you grow up with a father who was so insecure that he had a desperate need to win absolutely every argument and impose his will on everyone around him?

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        • Nailed it. One day, sooner or later, he'll meet someone who enjoys shutting up assholes and has no qualms about doing it with fists.

          Do yourself a favor kid: STFU for your own sake and the peace of the people around you.

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          • But I am worried for them! Like the people who think they were born with the wrong gender and everyone panders to them. People like that are super likely to commit suicide! I care too much to play along! They need some help ASAP!

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            • I was trying to keep quiet until you posted that.
              You know exactly jack shit about gender identity.
              For your own safety in real life, keep opinions about other peoples' gender issues to yourself.

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        • Its just tuff because of the sheer stupidity that people believe, especially the brainwashed religious people. I feel bad for them and feel obligated to speak out against something I think is evil. These issues affect people, and I feel too bad for them if I just play along and not say anything. Or, on occasion, people will put me on the spot and ask me directly what I think about something. And I am a bad liar!

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  • It's best to start you opinions/beliefs with something like...

    --"In my opinion..."
    --"It seems as if ..."
    --"From my experience I see things....(this way)"
    --"Potentially i could be mistaken but i've always seen it.... (this way)..."

    Also, even when you strongly disagree with someone it's good to say/do

    -- "I understand how one could think that way but in my opinion..."
    -- Point out a flaw in your own argument, or a part of your argument that you are less certain about.
    -- "STEAL MAN" their argument, be fair when assessing the others point of view and it will go a loooooong way.


    Finally,
    Remember nothing is certain, being skeptic about your own beliefs while pointing out that you still feel like your opinion is just beyond %50 of certainty ( not by saying that, just in the essence of how you phrase things) is a better way to get people to hear you when dealing with highly subjective beliefs.

    It's not always easy to do, but strive to be less of an "absolutist" and you will not only find more peace but more depth of knowledge. Also,Realize that others, no matter how unbearably wrong they seem, are human too and often have reasons as deep as feelings you have for believing what they do. Be open to the idea that you could become less certain of yours, and also enjoy having happy disagreements, tell people that although you disagree with them, even strongly, tell and show them that you respect their views, and then they will often do the same for you and/or be more open to changing their mind.


    Be a man who isn't ABSOLUTELY certain of anything, it isn't only a sign of intelligence, it keeps you open to the endless wonders and mystery's this world has to offer.
    you can still be certain... but don't be "absolute" ....keep your mind open.


    If it weren't repetitive I'd probably begin everything i say with " it seems as if"



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    • Thanks for the thoughtful response! I suggest you read my first response to Elenna where I talk about how unoffensive I present my opinions. But given what I actually believe, it is hard to actually get it across withkut offending people. I will give you an example that happened to me.

      A guy a work and I were talking about contraceptives(don't ask) and he said he wanted to be as safe as possible during sex to avoid an unplanned because they didn't want a child. And I, almost instinctively said "what about abortion?" And he was livid! He asked me directly to my face if I thought it was ever okay. I don't do lying so I said these exact words "I personally don't see an issue with it. Its a lose lose situation, but I am not going to condem someone who has an abortion".... and now he hates me even more!

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  • Strong opinions are fine, but if you express them in a judgmental arrogant way you're going to be very lonely in life.

    It seems to me that the issue isn't your actual opinions, but how you express them, so how about trying some ordinary everyday good manners when communicating your views?

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    • I hear ya, but If I am perfectly honest, I do not think I deliver my opinions in an offensive manner. I always try real hard not to for fear of judgment and do not use emotions or personal attacks. But people still hate my guys just for what I think, even if all I say is 'I don't agree'

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  • You just sound young. You will probably grow out of this so I wouldn't worry too much, but in the meantime try and be self aware enough to understand that a lot of the time when you're spouting these opinions at people you will be coming across like an arrogant moron. I'm not saying that to be rude, I'm just being an honest.

    Also, it's ok for people to think different things. You can even be friends with people who think differently. You say yourself that your opinions are very extreme and you insist on voicing them, so it would be good for you to extend the same courtesy to others. I assume you are not hated by every person you have ever met, therefore somebody somewhere has been tolerant of your extreme views. Do the same with others and really listen to them. Even if you don't agree with them you can usually learn something. That's how we grow as people.

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    • I am 28, youngish I suppose. I just find it difficult to tolerate opposing views on many topics, simply because they matter. If a friend of mine and I disagree on the best flavor of ice cream, will can still be great friends. But if they think religion is great or being transgender is totally fine, then we have issues!

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      • But sometimes people like really disgusting icecream flavours. I wouldn't be friends with those people...

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        • HAHAHAHA!

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        • Really? I thought I was the intolerant one! Maybe if they like cyanide flavored Ice cream or something.

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  • Keep your mouth shut. Then join a boxing club to vent your anger and frustration.

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    • I do do some of that actually! I am impressed you knew!

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  • Don't forget also that there's a lot of intolerance in society in general for people who have 'unpopular' views. It wasn't quite like this 10 years or so ago when Facebook was young and people still believed in rational enquiry, open-mindedness etc.

    I have unpopular views too and I am astonished at the double-standards 'right-thinking' people have. I do my best to speak diplomatically, not raising my voice, distinguishing between the issue and the person, repeating that I respect their right to disagree, not blaming, not using 'shaming' arguments or shoddy emotional reasoning, and conceding the flaws in my own arguments, while others do all of these things, and yet repeatedly, I am the one who is called offensive. I think that your manner of self-expression would be forgiven you a lot more easily if your views were popular.

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    • Ruth.
      pretty accurate.
      I just watch how the same folks that attacked Obama tirelessly for 8 years.
      Can somehow justify everything trump does.

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      • It's funny, in Europe it's Trump they attack relentlessly.

        I don't disagree that he's a worrying figure to have as a president. But listening to the people around me speak, can the guy not have done at least one single thing right in his presidency? One single, isolated thing? Do we have to damn everything he does just because he did it? Is he really the Antichrist? The automatic damning, condemning and looking for flaws in everything he does, gets my goat. It's mob mentality - witch hunting. People don't care about reality. It's almost as if whatever people think is treated as of it's
        true, just because they thought it. It would irritate me no matter which president people were doing it to.

        Is this what you're noticing about Obama, where you are?

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        • You want to know whats wrong with trump?
          Expand your input knowledge.
          Im sure if you listen to one side, he seems perfectly legitimate.
          The man is crooked, OK.
          If you dont want to see that, I wont change you.
          Some folks still hate people of another color...
          As if they had a choice whos vagina they came out of.
          But, somehow.
          Theyve convinced themselves of their infallibility.
          I cant fix, willingly ignorant.

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          • Heres a starting point.
            Gun Control.
            Trump is totally NRA paid for.
            He doesnt have balls enough to call it out.
            The arguement:
            good guy with a gun.
            Arm the teachers.
            Do background checks.
            You cant blame the gun maker.
            The same guy is dead set against obama care.
            ( guaranteed healthcare for all )
            Ok, so hows that work in reality?
            Vegas shooter.
            He was the " good guy "
            Successful law abiding white man.
            No armed person at the concert could have hit him.
            Even if they had a gun.
            He passed all background checks.
            Shot 50 people.
            So who pays?
            Who supports the family of the dead mom or dad?
            Who pays funeral costs?
            Worse of all, if youre shot in the spine, crippled for life.
            Who pays for your operation and care for whats left of your now pitiful life?
            All because you went to a show in vegas.
            Let me put on deep rubber boots before you reply.

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            • I'm actually not that emotionally invested in the Trump question, just curious.

              Rationally there are many major flaws with the way his economics work, as you've just pointed out.

              We can not support his policies and economics and not want him as president. But the sheer amount of sensationalism surrounding him? The assumption that every single thing he touches will crumble to dust? I mean, even Adolf Hitler (yes, I know, we've reached that point) has been credited with doing *something* that wasn't monstrous and evil and barbaric by creating the world's first highway system. Donald Trump by comparison can't have done 100% bad with absolutely nothing good or even neutral. But to listen to people talk, he's the devil incarnate, not just a bad president. Reality comes in too many shades of grey to be that black-and-white, surely.

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      • Don't even get me started on politics!!!

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    • Read my first response to Elenna.

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      • I did :/. Sounds like we're in the same boat in some respects...? I don't get it.

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        • What don't you get? Part of it has to do with how easily some people are offended nowadays.

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  • Examples?

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    • Some that have got me in trouble before inlcude :

      -calling being transgender a disorder
      -saying raising kids with your religious beliefs is child abuse
      -Abortion is totally fine
      -Climate change doesn't matter at all
      -we can never do much to prevent sexual abuse and rape.
      -Animal rights are fucking stupid and nobody should give a cunt

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      • O.p.
        hold the phone.
        having a religion is child abuse?
        You cant prevent molestation/rape?
        Animals dont matter?
        Is that what youre saying??
        Yea, we'd have definite issues if you EVER said this ' opinion' around me.

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        • Your only proving my point... Religion in adults in not child abuse, its just idiocy. But raising your kids and forcing them down the same religious path as you, is child abuse in my opinion. They should be allowed to decide for themselves! And yes, you can't do much to stop rape and sexual abuse, and animal rights are stupid. They do matter still though, for food.... Any more questions?

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          • Ok troll, sleep well.

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            • And then there is this response.... I get this often. How about forget my specific opinions, and just adress how I should go about no offending people?

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      • I had this long response planned but instead I'm just going to say that while I disagree with most of this (not all), the mini public outcry is just over the top and theatrical. Simmer down now, ya'll. He didn't just kick your kid and screw your wife. How long have you guys been on the internet that makes you so shocked and appalled by OP? Five minutes?
        Lawd have Mercy. Sit down and eat your taters and biscuits.

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      • I think I see the issue. If you worded all of these points more tactfully and stopped using the word cunt so much then you may end up having interesting discussions with people instead of "getting into trouble".

        I also hold a few quite extreme views that aren't very popular amongst my peers, but I speak tactfully and am respectful when they give their criticisms, and so I often end up having fruitful debates rather than actual arguments. As far as I'm aware it's never led to someone not wanting to know me anymore. It's a really good skill to learn as soon as you can.

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        • That is what I think, not usually how I actually word it.

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  • You seem more of an asshole, than an "opinionated young man"...

    Someone who is opinionated will share their views on a subject, but won't argue with everyone else just for the sake of arguing. That's just being an asshole. I've met people like you in real life and I have no problem telling you very bluntly to shut up.

    You say you care about other people's opinions, but you also say you will continue arguing, until they agree with you?! That's not caring, that's again being an abusive asshole...

    I read a few of your opinions...

    Climate change doesn't matter, religion is child abuse, you can't do anything about rape, animal rights are useless...

    These are things only an idiot would say. It's because of idiots like you, we still use coal as the main way to make electricity "Fuck dat there global heatin' if it gets warmer, I'll turn on my air conditioner"

    That's idiocy at it's finest...

    Also, who the fuck are you to judge how people raise their children? Why is religion abuse? Let me ask you something OP, is raising your children vegan abuse? If you say no, it proves that you're wrong.
    Cause one is beliefs about life you can change yourself as you grow up. And the other is harmful to the body, due to lack of proteins, minerals and other stuff found in meat and dairy products and is actually child abuse.

    Also you can't prevent rape... So let's start banging everything that moves when you're a bit horny, they can't say no right...
    If you said that to a woman, she'd probably mess you up.

    We have animal rights to prevent pointless animal suffering. Many animals are killed for food, fair enough, but the least you can do is offer the thing a quick death. What do you suppose we do? Start filleting a cow while it's alive?! That's something a psychopath would say.

    Do you have your head so far up your own ass, you need to annoy people into agreeing with your bullshit beliefs, just to feel a little bit better about yourself? That's just sad and messed up bro.

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    • You got a little off topic there don't you think? I haven't got the time to argue about all my opinions and won't do it on this thread, you didn't even understand what I said for most of them anyway. But you never got to any actual advice for me, which is sad considering how long of a response you had to my post that was asking for advice. Can you replace the 3 paragraphs calling me and asshole and the 4 paragraphs paraphrasing my opinions to make them sound worse with some actual advice? I thought that was the point of this site?

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      • I'm sorry, I guess I did go on a rant. But I've had bad experiences with super opinionated people. They never shut up and in the end I have to be rude and loud to make them shut up and end up looking like an even bigger dick. I hate it when someone tries to force something on me.

        My advice is keep extreme opinions to yourself. When you start a talk with friends and it's about something you have an interesting and logical view on, feel free to share. But don't force yourself on others and be respectful of their opinions.

        And don't continue arguing with people, when they don't share your views. You are not running the world, you can't do anything about it. Everyone has a right to believe something, even if that something seems stupid to you.

        I for one would love to implement the death sentence for violent criminals, murderers and have labor camps for those with a smaller sentence and save taxpayers money, but it's considered inhumane... And if I mention this, a lot of people give me an odd look and say "Life is precious". I'd reply with "That's how I see things anyway..." and shift the discussion to something better.

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        • Thank your for a much more helpful response. I know people don't like super opinionated people, and neither do I. But the trouble we have is its hard to just ignore your opinions. If something comes up, I often instinctively chime in ny thoughts. I know I am just one soul who can't change much in the grand scheme of things, but historically, that has not be a good motivator to get me to stfu. Also its great to know that you relate in some capacity!

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  • If you're talking about speaking up against PC culture, then I think you should do it, dude. People are scared to speak out, but if no one speaks out then it's only going to get worse.

    Whatever your opinions are though, if you want to speak out about them, then just rationally debate whoever you disagree with. Don't insult them, don't get angry, be calm and rational, if they get irrational / insult you / get angry / then that's on them.

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  • I remember when I was 21, I thought I had everything in life figured out. Yep, I knew it all.
    Boy was I ever wrong.

    You can pretend or even think you know it all, most people will shrug it off. No one is going to change their life because of something a 20 something year old kid said.

    But as for a way to fix the problem of being a pest about it, it is really simple and should cost just under $100.
    Go to an auto parts store and buy a muffler for a small car and super glue it to your mouth.
    Or if you want that rumbling sound of a muscle car, buy a glasspack muffler.

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    • Five pounds of Bondo installed rectally ought to solve the problem.

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      • For body work yes, good point.
        However, a muffler is needed for the noise.

        If cramming Bondo in the rectum, an EGR system might be necessary for exhaust gases.

        I wish megadriver were here to offer input as well.

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        • Here's what I think...

          Best way to deal with the issue is de-cat, EGR delete, turbo, straightpipe. With the amount of useless hot air OP is spewing a turbo is a must. No catalytic converter, cause it'll just clog up. And skip the EGR. OP wants to be as loud and obnoxious as possible.

          He'd probably handle 50PSI on stock internals easy.

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          • (high five) GOD DAMN IT if this isn't the technical response this thread needs, I don't know what is!

            However, the Op probably doesn't know what EGR is.
            He thinks it might mean "Everyone Gets Rebutted".

            Mega. despite the shit I talk about you on occasion, please know this place would not be the same without you.

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            • *high five*

              Hahaha! That description tho... good one.

              You too buddy, our banter makes the site more interesting. I'd share a few beers with you any day and joke about stuff.

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        • That's a major problem-- catalytic converters clog up with unfiltered bullshit rendering them inoperative.

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    • First off, I am 28 years old. Second off, I did not have these same ideas my whole life, most of them took time to arrive on. Can you please try to be more serious with me? You are just re-affirming that I have issues, but I already know that. That is the point of the damn post!

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      • Hmmm...

        Alright. I must admit though that asking me to be serious is like asking a nun for a blow job.

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  • I'm the same way 😁

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  • You sound like you don't care about what other people think. Congratulations. They don't care about what you think either.

    You can't save anyone & it's very rare to change a mind. Once you accept this, you can relax & allow people to like you, instead of foisting your bullshit on them when they're just trying to enjoy a soda pop.

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    • I do care! And usually they do to. How do they get so pissed if they don't care what I think?

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      • Well the easy answer to this is that it's not what you're saying that bothers them, it's the fact that you won't just pretend to agree with them and shut up.

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        • If that is what they want me to do, it is their problem not mine. People in this world need to be more tolerant of other people's beliefs!

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  • Trying to fix your impulsive emotions? Sometimes its better to be quiet to lessen the heat of the conversation. Not everyone will understand our will.. What I think is, If I were in your shoes maybe Ill just shake my head, try not to care in anything that they say and just think of something that could make you happy.

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    • Your on the right track. A lot of my remarks are impulsive. The struggle is that on many off these issues, I find it hard not to care because they affect people so much. Like transgendered people and religious people are suffering pandering and acceptanceof their unhealthy state. I can't convince myself to just chill aboit child abuse and untreated mental illness. It is evil in this world that people are ignoring!

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  • You just sound über intolerant to me is all. I think it's a good idea to detach from the need to try to persuade people to see things your way all the time. There is a certain point where a debate over politics, religion, philosophy, etcetera turns into harassment.

    https://youtu.be/bcdNzMMvF_k

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    • I feel ya, and when I give in, or shut up, that is often the reason. But too often, I am conviced it is indeed my buisness. I refuse to tolerate what I consider child abuse with religious families and also people pandering to seriously mentally ill transgender people. I am worried that their false reality is harming them!

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  • I did not include examples of my opinions in the post, because I don't wanna get taken down, but if you want some examples you help you understand, reply here and ask for examples.

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