Is it normal that i want to kill someone anytime i fail at something?

As long as everything goes in the way it should, everything is fine. But as soon as I fail at anything no matter how small it is, I feel extremely upset and it takes me weeks to recover from it. During this time I constantly think about killing either myself or finding someone else who was somehow responsible for this failure and kill them. I'm also easily offended. If someone tells me something that I don't like, I would probably hate them forever even if they are my closest friends or family. I've cut my relationship with lots of these so called friends just because they said me something bad or triggered me. Generally I have a very low level of tolerance and I'm oversensitive to lots of stuff that you may find unimportant. I feel that my problem is worsening by time as I have just bought a gun a while back and I feel like a time bomb now. I may do something crazy any moment. Seriously I can't deal with offences and failures anymore. I want to kill someone so badly the next time I'm triggered and then either get away with it or kill myself but I'm afraid that there is hell and I may end up there. But really is this feeling normal? Do everyone secretly feel like this at some point in their life or is it just me?

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Comments ( 9 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • You need to get help.

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  • Seek professional help before you do something dumb and get rid of the gun before you wind up in prison or dead.

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  • It's normal for your generation.

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  • That is not normal and severe emotional instability and narcissism. You are somebody who does not need a gun.

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  • You admit to suicidal thoughts and you're sufficiently self-aware to accept you have anger issues, to recognise that your response to disappointments is irrational and to admit that this is getting worse, but you decided to buy a gun.

    🤦‍♂️

    This could be the dictionary definition of Stupid American. It also proves beyond all doubt that you're capable of making very dumb decisions.

    You're not responsible for whatever it was in your life that now means you've got squirrelly shit going on in your head, but it was your conscious choice to buy the weapon and it's your choice not to seek professional help.

    Over half of American suicides are by gun. I believe we all have the right to end our lives if that's a rational, carefully considered decision, but having a gun in the house means that a momentary feeling of, "Oh, fuck all this!" can all too easily be one of your last thoughts.

    You seem to believe that your thoughts are completely uncontrollable - a force that roars through your head like a hurricane whenever you feel frustrated or your self-esteem is challenged. The truth is that the universe is not arranged specially to make sure everything always goes your way, everyone who has ever lived has made plenty of mistakes, and people will always say things that we find annoying.

    You claim that every time you've failed, someone or something else was entirely to blame. Perhaps you are indeed perfect, know everything there is to know about everything and you're gifted with infallible prophetic powers. I suspect it's far more likely that your self-esteem is very fragile, and like the narcissist in the White House, you've become very good at deflecting blame for your errors and shortcomings onto others.

    The longer you refuse to accept responsibility for your thoughts and refuse to seek help in learning how to deal rationally and calmly with people and life's normal frustrations, the more likely it is that you're going to do something very negative.

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  • One positive thing about this is atleast you notice it. That shows you atleast have self awareness. As you get older you'll have to work on that. Its normal to get pissed off when you fail. Im like that too, but as I've gotten older I've gotten better at blaming myself. Also its normal to be an irritable person. You just have to realize that you are the issue and not others. Try to get out of the situation when someone is getting on your nerves. Just try to keep your own peace. A lot of people are like this but people are better at dealing with it. just try not to come off as a cry baby.

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    • And the problem is I can never blame myself. I've rarely failed At something that was totally in my control. Every time there is an external factor that fails me. I have anger issues and anyone around me might notice it if they ever say something unpleasant to me. If they stay friendly then everything is going to be fine but if they slightly trigger me I would treat them like trash for the rest of their lives no matter how close they used to be with me

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