Is it normal that i hate when my fiance always double asks questions?

My fiance always double asks questions. It drives me crazy.

For example her: "what time are you going to be home" me: "530" her: "do you really think you'll get home that late?" Me: "no I'll be home in 10 minutes, yes I think I'll be home that late, that's why 530 was my answer!"

Another example her: "do you want pork chops or chicken for dinner?" Me: "pork chops please" her: "well are you sure you don't want the chicken because I was thinking of making the pork chops tomorrow." Me: "ok chicken is fine" her: "well if you want pork chops we can have them I just thought you'd want them with rice but I was going to the store tomorrow to get it" me: "ok that's fine we can have chicken" her: "well are you just saying that because I told you I was planning the pork chops tomorrow, because if you are I can just go get rice tonight and we can have the pork chops, please just tell me what you really want."

So because of this it has gotten to the point where I 1 word answer her questions and barely hold a conversation with her because I know nothing I say even matters because she is going to question me anyway. And now she gets mad that I won't have a conversation with her.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 10 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • If I had a fiancé I would too hate it to the very core.

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  • If you’re already this irritated this early on about this dumb of a thing you won’t last.

    You’ll turn into one of those “My nagging wife !” guys that has a beer belly and watches TV all day

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  • I guess you should just tell her to stop doing it! Or why does she ask if she gonna follow you up with another annoying question?

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  • I just read this question to my wife because I found it amusing. She agrees that it would be annoying - particularly the dinner scenario.

    (She also said, "Well, I guess I do that sometimes too, don't I?" I maintained a tactful silence and smiled sweetly at her, but we've been together long enough that she knows perfectly well what _that_ meant.)

    It seems to me that the dinner conversation flip-flopping muddle is likely the result of most women having a need to please, along with possibly some thinking aloud on her part. My boring, straight-line-logic male brain thinks she should have thought to herself, "Right, we have pork chops, but he likes rice with them and we don't have that, so I guess it will have to be chicken tonight," and then said to you, "You okay with chicken tonight?" But it seems her brain doesn't work that way. Maybe she feels that a good wife would always present options. Maybe that was something she grew up always seeing her mother do. Maybe her mother _never_ did it, and her father complained about that all the time. Maybe you reacted badly on one occasion in the past when she didn't give you a choice.

    I suspect what's also going on is that she's trying to engage with you. And, yeah, I get it that you think these are banal, pointless, irritating conversations, but they are conversations and you are interacting.

    You replying to her query about you really getting home that late with a snarky comment about how you'll actually be home in ten minutes is not a positive thing. It sounds to me like, in a somewhat oblique, clumsy way, she was telling you that she was sorry you won't be together sooner or sympathising with you. Then you slap her down with something that's essentially, "Don't be so frigging stupid, woman!"

    Likewise, your decision to reply to her questions in monosyllables and not engage with her is a very bad sign. This is called stonewalling. Many men are prone to fall into this habit, and it completely fucks up many relationships. What it really indicates is that you don't respect her or like her enough to have a conversation with her or that you're bored with her.

    Maybe I'm reading a whole lot more into this than actually exists in your brief OP. But the thing is, I recognise both her behaviour and your reaction from relationships I had when I was much younger, and I also remember how they fell apart.

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    • Thank you. I think a lot of this could be solved by me changing my behavior. I appreciate your points!

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      • FWIW, one of the most difficult lessons I learned from my first, failed marriage was that stonewalling is toxic to relationships. I grew up with a father who did that all the fucking time with my mother and us kids, and so it was like I was programmed to behave like that with my wife; I just unthinkingly assumed it was how men were supposed to behave in relationships.

        It might be helpful for you to think about the lessons you absorbed about how a "normal" relationship works when you were a kid. Most families are messed up to some degree in one way or another, and I'm pretty sure you'll be able to see how you could do better. You might also consider talking to your fiancée about the sort of relationship environment she grew up in, and what expectations and standards - for herself and you - she has from that.

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  • As if any one in here has a wife or gf u retarded fucks

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  • I don’t blame you. It’s an annoying habit. My wife has done it for years and I just ignore the second time.

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  • My wife does this. Just a minute ago she cooked for my son and she constantly asks him if he wants something else while hes eating.

    "Do you want me to cut up your broccoli? do you want corn on the cob? do you want me to get you some yogurt? do you need more milk? you want me to wipe your hands? are you still eating?are you through?is it good?" Like constantly every few seconds its another question and it takes too much energy to process them all so you end up just saying "idk" so she just stops. Then she gets mad because "you arent listening". Will drive you insane if you didnt block out the 10,000 daily questions. My mom did the same stuff.

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  • That sounds really annoying. Tell her to stop doing that, and that it's the reason you can't have conversations with her.

    Tell her that you are sure of what you say, and that being indecisive is not an excuse to act like that.

    If it gets bad, consider couples/marriage counseling. No shame in it.

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