Is it normal that i hate my dad?

12 Comments

Hear me out; My dad was/is really abusive. Once he slapped me 10 times and choked me (which triggered an asthma and panic attack) for saying "fuck" when I was 13. He then made me sit down after and talk about my feelings. I have really bad anxiety and some low key PTSD from the incident. It's been over 3 years and he's never apologised or anything. I don't see him anymore as I live with my Mom (they divorced.) The very thought of him gets me seething with anger. Are me feelings justified by what happened/is this normal?

No, it's not normal to still be upset. 1
Yes, you have every right to be angry 12
Woah what did I just read!? 2
No, get over it already. 3
Yes, it's normal to still feel upset. 7
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Comments ( 12 )
  • nikkiclaire
    5 years ago

    You are justified in feeling whatever you feel. My father was abusive too and I no longer have him in my life because of it, but I don't harbour hate. I allow some anger from time to time and then try to be rid of it because holding onto thoughts like that are toxic for you.

    Try to forgive but do what you need to, to be safe and mentally sound.

    Best of luck, sorry that happened.

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    • Ellenna
      5 years ago

      It's a myth (almost certainly originating in christianity) that forgiveness is essential for healing.

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      • nikkiclaire
        5 years ago

        I do what works for me and forgiveness seems too. I do go to Church but I am still agnostic.

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        • Ellenna
          5 years ago

          That's fine if it works for you, but you're suggesting OP needs to forgive "to be safe and mentally sound" and that's just not true for everyone. Some things are unforgiveable, which doesn't mean the victim/survivor has to remain resentful.

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          • nikkiclaire
            5 years ago

            Well I define forgiveness as letting go of resentment, personally, so maybe we are talking semantics.

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            • Ellenna
              5 years ago

              Forgiveness has a specific meaning: look it up. It's possible to let go of resentment without forgiving someone who's mistreated you

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  • Ellenna
    5 years ago

    Your feelings are normal in the circumstances, but are almost certainly doing harm to yourself and having no effect whatsoever on your abusive father.

    I'd suggest some therapy to help you release your justifiable anger in a safe way so you can move on. And have nothing to do with him, he's a bullying arsehole and also manipulative in trying to get you to "talk about your feelings" after he'd assaulted you.

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    It's okay if you should decide to cut your dad out of your life, because it's not normal to assault a kid like that. Choking someone is pretty much like trying to kill that person. Dont trust his crazy, piece of shit ass!

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  • _confused_
    5 years ago

    I completely understand this because I have neuroses(anxiety and severe ocd) myself, it's entirely normal to feel this way, what he did wasn't normal. If you don't want don't get near him at all and if needed tell him why

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  • Nickvey
    5 years ago

    so , have any difficulty saying fuck now or was their permanent damage? i had a pretty good dad. i was his least favorite son but i earned his respect when i knocked his ass through a plastic shower door at age 16 . After that he ignored my mothers orders to beat on me. hes dead now , i visit his grave , im the only son that does. he was 82 years old and mowing my grass to make up for the shit he put me through . At the end he was a changed man. i would go so far asd to say he was very proud of me and the things i did with my life

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