Is it normal that i hate and feel uncomfortable being touched?

I absolutely hate being touched by anyone, family members included.
Every time someone reaches out their hand somewhat close to my direction I flinch and back away, hugs and kisses from my family also make me uncomfortable, and I want to scratch and tear at the place I was touched, like I want to rip my skin off.
In the car I always move away and push against the door to avoid the person next to me touching me. My sister and stepdad treat my hatred for being touched this like a game and try to chase after me to hug me, and when I push them away my Mother says ‘It’s just a hug, why don’t you love them?’ This leaves a sour spot as now I hate the phase ‘I love you’.
I can’t bring myself to say it because of how uncomfortable I feel. My Mother always tells me that I should show more affection to my sister and when she wants a hug, hug her and tell her I love her.
I can’t stand physical contact or any form of affection anymore, I’ve always had and now it’s getting worse.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 12 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • This could come from having been hit as a child. I had the same problem and discovered why in therapy.

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  • I think there’s more nuance here than a yes or a no. Is it normal? No, not really. Objectively this isn’t how most people react. However IIN that you want your boundaries respected? IIN that you react negatively to something you don’t like? That’s a resounding yes.

    The part that really isn’t normal is your family’s lack of respect for your feelings. I know I’m just a random internet dude so I don’t have all the answers, but reach out to your support system and tell them how you feel. School counselors, trusted family members, teachers, or your friends (sorry to assume with the school stuff but you sound young). If you have a hard time expressing your feelings- show them this post. You are worthy of respect and love that doesn’t hurt. I sincerely hope you are happy now and in the future.

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    • Thanks very much for the advice, I will be sure to reach out more and express my emotions.

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  • You might enjoy the 1987 movie "Three O'Clock High". The premise of the movie is that the new guy at a school can't stand it if anyone touches him. On the first day of school another student welcomes him and puts his hand on his shoulder. The entire movie is about how the new student wants to fight him at the end of the school day because of it. It's a great film, and who knows what thoughts and feelings it might bring up that help you feel like you might potentially relate to him, or you might see something there that sparks some insight into your own feelings. Either way, you shouldn't be hard on yourself about your individuality, and the way you feel. You feel the way you do for a reason, and even though the source behind it may not be obvious, trust that you'll find it in time. Be kind to yourself.

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  • or your just a massive dick

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  • I believe that you need to discuss this with a counselor. There's a reason for this aversion... and most likely its because of something buried in your mind from your childhood that you have taken out of context.

    If you review that situation now as an adult you will likely view it much differently, which allows you to change how you react to what are normally innocent and casual situations.

    I wish you the best with this.

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  • Answers to such questions usually depend on your gender. You should be more specific. Also there are reports that lots of women with past history of sexual abuse (even those that they were unaware of were abuse) are afraid of physical contact.

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  • Your family sounds like they are assholes. If you don't like being touched, you don't like being touched. They should just respect your feelings and move on. Simple.

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  • Are you autistic?

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    • Not that I know of, I’ve never taken an official test.

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      • I don't know these people, but I rather suspect that they know you well enough to know that you prefer not to be touched, and I think they ought to learn to respect that.

        Were you ever molested, assaulted or otherwise abused?

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