Is it normal that i don't think like most people?

Ever since I could walk or talk, I've been kind of a loner and didn't like socializing. When someone would pick on me or mess with me, as a child, I would bite them or kick them. I was the odd one out constantly. I was put in undercover therapy by my private school in kindergarten without my parents consent and they tried to give me pills for ADD. Ever since the trauma I went through at that school, it only got worse. In the 3rd grade, tried to be friends with a girl, but she decided she wanted to fight me merely because I was white and she was black. In 4th grade, got made fun of all the time, would cry for hours at my desk because the teacher wouldn't help me, failed my classes, and only had one friend who I am still friends with to this day. I would try to get away with what the cool kids got away with and always failed and got in deep trouble. In 5th grade, all was well until I got into hacking. I hacked into all my bullies accounts and wrote mean things about them just for the heck of it. Just for fun. Some kids decided to do the same and start hacking. Guess who got in trouble? Me and nobody else. I spent my life convinced that it was all unfair. This made me angry and stressed. In 6th grade, got my first boyfriend. He had to move away but we kept in touch. It wasn't until after he had broken up with me for another girl that I realized that I was crazy and clingy. I fought and fought for this boy that I hardly even knew...its sad. I have scared so many people away with my craziness. I just try to explain myself and they walk away. Eventually, this began to take a lethal toll on me, slowly but surely. It started with scratching of the legs, then it was cutting of the arms and legs, then it was just brutal self abuse (punching self, scratching self to the point of bleeding, pulling hair, repeatedly scratching skin raw, digging nails into skin, etc.) After a while, it became my first go to instinct when I was upset at myself. Like if my father starts to call me names or points out my flaws, I start to subconsciously hurt myself...Ive been trying to relate to someone for years and the only people I can relate with are the mentally screwed up ones with abusive parents or depressive disorders. I've befriended crazy people who bring knives to school and drugs of all sorts. I attract the mental people...I never know why. Also, I'm never really...there. Like I never make much sense when I talk, but it makes perfect sense in my head. It just comes out in jumbled blobs and my dad always tells me to shut up. I feel annoying or that I'm a huge nuisance to the people around me. I've fantasized about dying for about 2 years now, but I can't bring myself to do it because I don't wanna hurt the people around me...