Is it normal that i can't stand being around my kids?

I quit working 4 years ago when our first daughter was born. Quit the day she was born actually. I always wanted to be a mother and never wanted anything else. She's been difficult since birth. Not bad like tantrums and fits or anything like that. Not evil like I see other people describing their kids on here. Just so high maintenance. Very smart, wonderful girl. She's a blessing I know. Then two years later came baby #2. Much easier kid and also very precious. But now they're 4 and 2 and I just can't stand being around them. I can't bear to look at them sometimes and and I don't like to play with them. I'm very affectionate and DO play with them. I stay home and do everything I think is right with them. Hugs, kisses everything. We all even sleep in the same bed at night still. I keep thinking something will change and I'll start to enjoy them but it's worse every day. I don't want to take them to daycare cuz I want what's best for them and I like to think it's me. But why do I hate being around them so much and why do I NEVER enjoy them. When other people are around I do. Maybe I'm just burnt out on being alone with them all day, I don't know. Even if I had a little break maybe I would feel better. I run and stay in great shape. House is always clean but I'm incredibly lonely. I know it's not thek kids' fault cuz they didn't ask to be born and it's not like I don't want them. I just don't want to feel like I don't like them the way I do. I want to like my babies. It's so sad.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 20 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Seek counceling before you drown them in the bathtub

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    • people leave comments on here for a reason, why dont u try and broaden your mind, its normal for people to think and feel loads of different things wheather right or wrong... its called living in the real world ! wake up

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      • I'm in no way naive to the vast spectrum of human emotion. I'd say many parents at some point experience regret or even a passing dislike towards their children. I'm simply suggesting to the OP to utilize an outlet(such as counceling) to work out these emotions. Granted it's not likely she'll drown her children without therapy, she may find peace of mind in hearing that she is not a bad mother and it is not a rare phenomenon

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  • u probebly need a break.. at least youv got the guts to admit how you feel.. when you got some time to yourself stand back, try and think, what if something happened to them or someone took them away u would be so gutted, you mite not feel anything straigh away but it will come, and think, while they play on their own, pitty they've only got you.. in the whole world. good luck

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  • Tell your husband to take care of them from time to time. It sound's like all you really need is some time off. Also daycare isn't a bad idea. They become less dependent if they have friends and others adults to keep them in control.

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  • I wish I was a mother so I could give you some insight. Hopefully one'll come along soon. Just want to say thank you for trying your best to love your kids despite how you feel. :) Your efforts mean a lot, I can tell you that much. And I've heard that 2-4 are just the worst ages.

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  • Well this topic hits home for me a little (a little too much that is!)

    I say appreciate those young kids and enjoy your life with them, as it may not be forever.
    I'm basically disgusted at the 'modern' woman who has little of her selfish time to love her own children, but that's just me talking from seeing the mother of my own kids (at 4 and 3) walk out on all of us many years ago.

    Get with it woman, you are their loving Mum!!!

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    • Sorry to hear that was your situation Dad, but you're better off without her.

      I am only saying that this poor woman is mentally exhausted and having to force her affection. It is a very rare woman who can walk out on her children. They are hard work but it does get better - just a shame your mrs didn't hang around to find out. Maybe she was suffering from severe depression?!

      Top marks for sticking by your kids, many another man would've put them into care.

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      • Thanks joybird appreciated.

        Yes I agree severe depression, but I had just bought a brand new house (personally designed by both of us!) She had a good reliable car, and so did I plus my career.
        Shall we just say EVERYTHING is went; wow its great to rent a cheap house too!!!

        I will say that staying with my kids every single day and night, for the last 11 years has been good, seriously generally guys miss out on the life I've had. No money anymore, but great life with kids.

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    • Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm definately NOT selfish. I carry too much guilt to be. I guess I can blame my mother for that one. LOL. I know the type you're talking about. I see them all over. I try not to judge them and maybe I'm a BIT jealous of them because I feel like they don't have the worries that I do you know? They go off to work all day and dump their kids off then put them to bed only to do it the next day. They work and lose their kids' childhoods so they can live in a new house and drive an SUV. It's sickening. Hang in there yourself. There ARE good women out there. A single dad raising his kids alone is a pretty noble thing from most that I've seen and you will surely catch someone's eye. Soon I hope. :)

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      • No probs babybunny77, just me letting out some 'old' steam.

        Thanks for your nice words. Mind you I probably should actually go out one day to actually find someone, oh well this is not about me anyway.

        Stick in there, for your kids sake. I've seen too many tears and tantrums and deep down sadness from children without their Mom. Strangely they NEVER give up hope, which makes it even more sad! Holly shit, I'm going now.. (I hate thinking about it)

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  • also do you miss work? nothing wrong with going back.

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  • with your kids sleeping in the same room, how can you ever have a chance to make love with your husband?
    you need some privacy and alone time, and also time to nurture the relationship between you and your man. loving him is a reason you had these kids, after all.
    just because you are a mom does not mean you should sacrifice your own self. you will enjoy your family better if you still allow yourself to be YOU. plus your family will probably be happier for it too. love yourself first. good luck.

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  • im a single mum of 6 and it is very hard and at times very diffecault, the best thing you need is a break and some of your time to do how you want, do wyhat you want and not to have to think about your kids. Also what might be the problem and i have been there oyu cant talk to your kids at that age like you tlak to an adult and as you say you are ok when other people are around so maybe its adult converstaion you need to. So tell your husband its time for him to do the lot know and again

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  • Wow, a lot of comments here. Thank you very much. Yea, I need a break, that's for sure. I would be insulted that someone would suggest I could harm my children. But no one here knows eachother and I could see why you'd say that. I would maybe think that of a stranger, too. But I assure you, I couldn't harm a fly. At no time do I ever fantasise hurting my children. I think people who hurt kids are monsters and should be beaten to death. Please know I'm not a psycho path. I'm truly as normal as it gets. I'm just sooooooo bogged down with my children and I'm having what seem to be "less than normal" feelings about my situation. My hugs are real and my kisses are, too. And both kids have slept in the same room as me because I don't want them sleeping alone and being trapped alone in a house fire of someone take them while I'm in another room. I do have more comfort with them in with me. My 2 yr old slept in her crib every night from birth until about 3 months ago. Now the crib is converted into a daybed and slammed right up against our bed. I truly appreciate all these comments and I do hope I get more. Maybe one will really change the way I feel about my kids, particularly my 4 yr old.

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    • What you explained sounds all normal and loving.
      Keep at it, if I knew you I'd help you (been there done that) So definitely try to get support when you can.

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  • You need a break. Put them in a half day daycare. That would be better for them than things as they are now. It is not wrong nor does it make you a bad mom to want a break. Some alone time, time with other grown ups, time without someone constantly needing something from you. A goodie is a happy mom!!

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  • This was me!!!

    I had one son 24/7 although he was extremely hard work, so I never had another.

    Please see a doctor. I know that you are going through the motions of fun/love/hugs etc but just as your husband can detect your affection is false, so can your children :o(

    You need a little adult life for yourself. I took mine to a Mothers and Toddlers group and met a young mum there who had too much help with her child and was looking for a little part time job. I used to pay her just to take my son for a walk or to the park for an hour or two. I agree with you re daycare, but you need a break - so if you have no family support, advertise or find a 'mothers help' to give you a break. They could even play in the garden with the kids while you have a nice long soak in the bath! It just means you come back fresh to your kids.

    And yes, get them out of the bed coz you can never have a good deep sleep knowing they are there! This means you are living in a state of exhaustion every single day!

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  • I am not sure, but I don't think it's normal for them to sleep in your bed every night. I have a family member who let her daughter sleep in the same bed with her when she was one and a half for what started out as one night. She is 7 now and is still sleeping in her bed every night and doesn't show any signs of returning to her own bed. I've also hear many other similar stories from people. You spend every waking hour with them. I think you deserve at least a few sleeping hours without them.

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  • Why would I talk to a Dr. Do you know one that babysits? blahblahbla1, I do miss work terrible. I've always worked up until the DAY our 1st was born. Mahboi, you're a wack job.

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