Is it normal that happy things repulse me?

Yesterday my family began placing christmas decorations, and playing happy christmas songs on a speaker. It looks like they were having a great time and were bonding a lot, but I couldn't get myself to go downstairs and help them.
The happiness radiated felt kinda overwhelming, like it was too much happines for me to bear.
It isn't because of christmas itself, this is just the most recent example. Everytime that either my family or my friends are very happy I feel repulsed.
I'm not depressed (that I know of) and I think i'm pretty normal, except that happiness like that seems too repulsive and unnatural

Is It Normal?
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  • I've been alone and mostly homeless for what seems like like the past 5 years, I get annoyed if anyone even brings up holidays to me, like I'm forced to admit I'm not doing anything

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    • I can kinda relate... I used to love Christmas as a kid. My mom and dad would visit my grandparents and my other grandparents would also come and we'd celebrate the holidays together, the whole family. The food, the big Christmas tree, the presents, watching Home alone, my grandpa telling jokes and stories... it was great.

      But time went on, my grandparents died out, I moved out, went abroad, my parents got older, the magic of Christmas disappeared, I became more cynical, full with self doubt, remorse and self hate. Christmas is a yearly reminder that tells me I got one year less to spend with my parents, all the mistakes I've made, all the "what it could have been"s...

      Nowadays I try my best to be home for Christmas with my parents. My mom goes to bed early, cause she can't stay up late. I usually watch a movie with my dad, he gets tired too and goes to bed and I'm left alone with a glass of whiskey in my hand and half a bottle of whiskey on the table staring back at me.
      My girlfriend is usually the one to stop me from overdoing it with the whiskey and takes my mind off things, by talking, fantasizing, or watching something else.

      But this year I feel will be exceptionally depressing. With corona restrictions and the risk, I won't be going home for Christmas.
      I'll still have my girlfriend by my side, but I feel I won't crack a single (genuine) smile this Christmas.

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  • I’m not gonna lie y’all, Christmas makes me happy as fuck.

    But fuck the pregaming shit. It’s not even thanksgiving.

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  • For me, when someone is too happy, i find that very unnatural and unsettling.

    I feel like overly happy people are truly wicked on the inside, but they use their happiness to suede others and make others side with them. They just want to be liked by everyone and when someone doesn't like them, they become dangerous...

    Ive met too many people like this. and i am repulsed by overly nice and overly happy people.

    but these are your family members, maybe you know something about them that this behavior unsettles you

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  • This reminds me of myself when I was a teen back in like, 2006. Happy activities, happy music, happy feelings, and just happy shit in general would make me cringe. I just wanted to be alone in my dark painted room with my emo music, my anime, and my sketchbooks. After a while being alone got a little boring sometimes. I mean, it was still fun to be alone and do all the stuff I wanted to do, but a change of scenery and activities can be nice too once in a while. I started to participate in some of the happier activities and found it fun after a while. XD

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  • I mostly just feel sad, remembering holidays that were much better back in the day, but I'm not repulsed by holiday stuff.

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  • Can you imagine that same situation but instead you genuinely enjoying it? It might just be like a self-defense mechanism, where you feel repulse from a bonding moment because you fear the reaction from someone else if you also participate on that.

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