Is it normal i think blowjobs are degrading to women

I think blowjobs are degrading to women.

It’s impossible for me to think of them in
any other context than gross, disrespectful, slutty, unladylike, etc.

But I don’t feel this way at all about men going down on women. That’s completely different, and it’s not physically or culturally submissive in the same way. It’s more like chivalrous and romantic. It’s also really hot.

My wife is more than happy with my point of view, and admitted she’s had similar thoughts but never felt comfortable saying them out loud.

Wondering if other people have these thoughts too, but they just don’t say it?

Is It Normal?
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  • As a man who's received quite a bit of oral attention over the years, I've never once thought that. I think that's because I don't believe that either my penis or semen are disgusting. None of the women who have ever given me oral sex felt that way either. I've never had to demand it of them, and I'm certain they all enjoyed doing it for me, not least because for a very long time, I've made it a point to let them know how good it feels.

    If you think about it - and if you aren't stuck in either a Puritanical mindset which holds that the genitals are inherently filthy, or an uber-feminist mindset which holds that all sex is rape and no woman should ever do anything for a man during sex because that perpetuates the fascist patriarchy or some such nonsensical crap - then fellatio can be seen as the opposite of degrading to the woman who's doing it. It's empowering: she's got one of the most sensitive, fragile and precious parts of any man's body between her teeth. If she wanted to cause him pain or mess him up, all she'd need to do would be to bite down and gnaw.

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  • I'm SOOO tired of men telling us what we are allowed to like or feel

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    • SILENCE WOMAN!!!

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    • I came across a wonderful example of this in an interview with Diana Gabaldon, author of the Outlander series of novels, which I read yesterday.

      One of the events which led to her first novel being published was an exchange on some internet forum. She'd written a piece about what it felt like to be pregnant, some man had challenged her, they got into an argument, and she ended up posting an extract from a late draft of the novel which a literary agent eventually read.

      I do believe that men and women are much more similar than we are different, but my mind boggles at the idea that any man could believe for a moment that he really understands what it's like to be pregnant.

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    • how do you know they're not a lesbian?

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  • No, not particularly. There’s lots of women that are more than happy to do oral sex and don’t think it’s degrading, and if it is to them and they’re into being degraded that’s their goddamn choice. Swap the genders for a moment and say it’s degrading for a man to give oral sex to a woman and you’d have a fuckin field day with the comments. If you hate it personally fine, don’t do it. Just stop acting like it’s weird.

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  • As long as a woman isn’t forced to give a blow job, what’s degrading? My wife doesn’t even ask she just takes what she apparently wants…

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  • that is why men suck better cock and love it

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  • I can see why some people might feel like that, since a lot of porn and tv sex scenes portray blowjobs as being done by a submissive female to a controlling male (for example where the male grabs the female's head and thrusts his penis in forcefully). But in reality that's not the case, they're just a normal part of sex, they can even be romantic. They can also be forceful, but this is when it's done consensually, where the female is into BDSM-type sex.

    But how blowjobs are preceived is all really just in people's heads. Although you might not be able to help feeling like blowjobs are degrading though, when female oral isn't, it is sexist to think that. So you and your wife should probably try to change your perception on it.

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    • Thanks for the input, but I personally disagree that thinking this way is sexist.

      I had a girlfriend once where an angry man on the bus told her, “Suck my dick, bitch” right in front of me.

      My brother-in-law was drunk once, and my wife called me up from his place to tell me how he called her all sorts of nasty names and told her she should shut up, go home and suck my dick.

      Blowjobs are an insult. In some other people’s eyes they might not be, and that is perfectly fine. Some people think there’s nothing insulting about being literally shit on in bed, or being slapped around in bed. That’s okay. But if you ask me if I think being shit on or being slapped around is insulting and degrading, yes, in my eyes it is. That’s just my eyes and how I look at the act.

      Also, it’s not just culture. There are physical differences too. Oral on a female doesn’t involve penetrating someone’s mouth with a large urinary organ. It’s just physically a very different act.

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      • Well you shouldn't let a couple of assholes shape your perception of what could be viewed as an innocent, pleasurable, loving act between a couple. Besides, the phrase "Suck my dick" is just a remnant from the sexist past, where sex was considered pleasurable only for the male. Where it was viewed as only tolerable at best for the female, just something they reluctantly put up with for the sake of their husband. And where, if a girl actually wanted to have sex, then there was something wrong with her. That phrase should probably die out now because it does imply that girls would never want to suck a guy's dick, that they shouldn't want to because no normal girl would. That's why it's considered an insult, but that's an extremely outdated incorrect view to have. Plus it's just a creepy phrase to use anyway, even among guys. Like it implies that you'd be happy for someone to give you a blowjob, even if they didn't want to, that's really rapey.

        Blowjobs could've been viewed by society as more degrading to the guy than to the girl, if society evolved in that direction instead. With a blowjob, the girl first wraps her entire fist around the guy's penis like a vice, as if to assert her control over it. Then she shoves the entire thing into her own mouth, as though it's nothing but a piece of meat to her (unlike with female oral where the guy just licks very gently and considerately on the girl's vagina). She has the guy completely at her mercy then, there's nothing to stop her from biting down hard on it if she wanted, she's in complete control. This could make the guy feel very nervous and vulnerable, and like he's nothing more than an object for her to enjoy.

        Conversely, female oral could be seen as very degrading to the guy. If the girl is on top, she's able to forcefully rub her vagina into the guy's face, completely dominating him. Or hold his head and forcefully push it into her vagina.

        So yeah, oral could be viewed any number of ways in order to make it appear degrading to either sex. At the moment, society perceives it as being degrading towards women but not to men, which is very outdated and sexist. And I do think your views on oral is shaped by how society perceives it tbh.

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      • Calling the penis the "urinary organ" is really stupid.

        By that logic, every time you hold your wife's hand, you're holding her "shit-wiping organ". Every time she nuzzles you with her nose, she's wiping her "snotting organ" on you. Every time you kiss her, you're kissing her "puking organ". Every time you go down on her, you're licking her "pissing organ" and her "menstruating organ".

        And the fact of the matter is that unless her personal hygiene is at OCD-level, you will have licked up some traces of her urine when you've gone down on her. On the other hand, if your standard of personal hygiene is merely a bit better than average for guys, there's no chance that she will ever taste any urine on your dick.

        The next time you see your Mom, please pass on to her my congratulations for doing such a good job of screwing you up. Obviously, her indoctrinating you to believe that your pee-pee was filthy and wee was "Dirty! Dirty! Dirty!" during your early childhood years rooted deeply in your brain.

        If you want to maintain the mindset of a three-year-old who has been brainwashed by their neurotic parent into believing that his penis is disgusting, you're obviously free to do so. Rejecting any part of your body isn't psychologically healthy, but if you prefer to remain screwed up and self-hating because, way down deep, you're terrified of making your Mommy angry, then on you jolly well go, brah. It's your life, and you're free to limit yourself and restrict your sex life howsoever you choose.

        I obviously accept that some assholes use "suck my dick" as a very aggressive insult. The fact they do suggests that they're suffering from the same delusion that you are: that their penis is inherently filthy. But using that as a justification for your belief that fellatio is always an aggressive, insulting act is very much like saying that the fact that men do violently rape women means that all penetrative sex is abusive.

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        • I don’t think penises are gross or filthy, that’s just your theory all of a sudden. I see them as being strong and masculine, albeit rough around the edges but that’s how they should be. I’m glad to have one. I don’t have any of these body insecurities or whatever you’re babbling about. Sex, caressing, pleasure, orgasm… great! Penises have their place, and I don’t personally feel that place should be in a chick’s mouth. It isn’t cute. It isn’t romantic. I find it a massive turnoff.

          You’re getting way too hung up on the urinary organ thing. That is the most common everyday function of a penis. The most common everyday function of a nose is not to blow snot. It’s to breath. The most common everyday function of a mouth is not to vomit. It’s to eat and communicate.

          Maybe I just feel it’s okay for men to get a little more down and dirty when it comes to sex, but I like it when my woman has some self-respect barriers when it comes to performing dirtier acts like fellatio and anal (which I also hate). To me that’s feminine. That’s ladylike. I like my woman to enjoy sex, role playing, give me a nice handjob, enjoy getting eaten out, and have a healthy attitude about sexuality, but giving head is way too much. To me, it’s trashy.

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          • I think asking someone to go down on you is rather degrading. Especially in the case where you state you don't want to and told you have to. Since BJ is part of sex and required of anyone who wants to please their partner. I generally have a rule against oral for either gender and yes I slept with both. Though with males it seems it's an expected requirement Weatherford agree with it or not. So I can see why a female would feel degraded by Aman asking this of them.

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          • You're the one who called the penis the "urinary organ". I challenge you to point me to a single credible, non-kink website which refers to the penis in those terms. The fact you even think of it in that way is highly suggestive of some deep-seated inhibitions. And it's entirely possible for nonsensical crap that's shoved into our heads when we're very young to be so deeply imbedded that we don't even know it's there.

            If you're happy with the sex life you have with your wife and all your inhibitions match up perfectly, that's great. Enjoy it for what it is, look forward to staying in your well-worn ruts forever, and keep on hoping that neither of you ever change and start to wonder if you just might want something different.

            Good luck with that.

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            • Meh. The OP needs his wife to tie his wrists to the headboard of the bed while she slowly drips hot wax on him. The pleasure of it all may call for the degradation of being sucked off and swallowed.

              This punishment may possibly need to be repeated until his attitude is corrected and he smiles. Adult attitudes are a good thing.

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      • YOU LEGEND

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  • I was going to say you're normal, until you said it is different when men go down on women. How is it any different? They're both disgusting. Maybe not "degrading" but gross. Also, going down on a woman is even worse than going down on a man.

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    • A woman having her mouth and throat penetrated with a large urinary organ and then ejaculated into isn’t comparable to a man doing some licking down there on a lady. They’re just two completely different acts.

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      • women are born to suck dick. They belong on their knees sucking dick and swallowing cum

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      • And a man is putting his mouth on something that is ALSO a urinary organ. And a woman also lets out nasty bodily fluids into a guy's mouth when he slobbers all over her genitals. They are BOTH nasty. There is NO difference. Yes, they are comparable. And two different acts? oral is when you lick on someone's genitals, and that is what a exactly man is doing when he is licking a Lady down there. Jesus christ.

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      • To the OP, wow you are really f#&ked up. Were you raised catholic or just a trol?

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  • Bitches belong on their knees sucking dick.

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  • you're right it's fucking rank

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  • I'm not really into blowjobs either, but for a completely different reason.

    It's not gross or unladylike if it's done in such a way that she WANTS to give him pleasure, like as in, she genuinely feels like it would be beneficial to "reward" him in some way.

    I just have this deep-rooted fear that my dick will tear if a woman gets too enthusiastic while going to town on me... There are plenty of other ways a woman can please a man in the bedroom (and of course vice versa) than oral sex.

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  • I can’t talk to, eat near much less kiss something that had a penis in its mouth.

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    • I don’t know about talking and eating lol. But that is a good point I forgot to mention about kissing. I will certainly pass on the snowballing haha

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  • If men can do it to please women, women should return the favor... that's how I see it. We both like pleasure, so let's do it right.

    It's hot both ways. I enjoy going down on my wife, she enjoys giving me head. She loves the sight of me between her legs, I love the sight of her looking up while doing her thing.

    Sex is dirty, passionate and outside the daily, civilized norm. That's what makes it special and not degrading to any party.

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  • Many women love giving head, so it’s a matter of taste, so to speak. I’ve given many blowjobs, and have never felt degraded. Subservient, yes, but that’s different.

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    • Subservient is an interesting word choice.

      some dictionary definitions:

      subservient: “abjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant”

      abjectly: “extremely contemptible or degrading”

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  • It does not sound degrading some women are into it and some of them just aren't into it.

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  • Thats why its so hot

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    • I don’t find that hot at all, certainly not in the context of a loving relationship, which is why I don’t accept them.

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  • WOW SOMEONE WHO FINALLY RESPECTS WOMEN AMEN TO YOU

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  • I always hated when people say "suck my dick" as if it was an insult. It's one of the kindest, giving things a person can do for a guy. Doesn't make sense when you think about it.

    But I think comments like this are what give blowjobs a negative connotation.

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    • Good. Blowjobs should have a negative connotation.

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  • If i love the person i enjoy it but would never suck dick if it was just a hook up

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  • My wife loves to perform orally, I’ve woke up to her giving an amazing blow job. And sometimes it was me she was doing….

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  • They could be degrading if he forces it but voluntarilly I love to pleasure a man. Men love to pleasure me.

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  • Normal if you’re sexually immature/inexperienced.

    Someone who likes being a sub for example, is not actually degraded. They’re just playing a character.

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  • I don't see it any different than when a man does it to a woman BUT it depends on the man. In porn it's definitely submissive and with one night stands I think probably the same but in a loving relationship it's not really submissive imo

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  • May I ask how many women have already confirmed this to you? Because all my partners have had no problem with it. And they were anythin but submissive. I asked specifically because I have quite a baton and it could well have been that they didn't want to tell me that they didn't think it was that great to suck it. So I asked them all. Already got my first 54 answers, and they were a definite "No" and occasionally "But I could have done without deepthroat, it was kind of uncomfortable for me." There you have it.

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    • I’ve been intimate with three women in my life, two who didn’t like to give or receive, one who likes to receive but not give.

      Both arrangements worked fine, but I found it’s much easier, more consistent and more fun to get a woman off who likes to receive oral. Which is another reason I’m okay with a double standard. Lots of girls have trouble climaxing from sex alone, at least from time to time, and that can be very frustrating for both partners. So if she wants or needs oral then that is more than fair. But I don’t think there are any men out there who need a BJ or they can’t finish easily. Never heard of it.

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    • From what I've read here, it appears to come down to the fact that this is the OP's wife's attitude, he thinks she's perfect, and therefore as far as he's concerned, all "normal" women should feel this way.

      It's kinda sweet, even if it is naïve to the point of being a bit delusional.

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      • No that’s not fair to say. I had this attitude long before I met her. Early in our relationship she made it clear that even though she’s not a big fan of giving that it’s only fair if she does from time to time because I was giving it to her so much. I told her no, you don’t have to, I understand it’s different for a woman to do that to a man than a man to a woman. But she actually tried it on me because I think she thought I secretly wanted it but was just playing nice or being shy. I really hated it, the image, everything about it and I honestly like to just pretend it never happened. I realized I had to express my preference with more firm language, so I told her I didn’t enjoy that, and that I hate blowjobs. She started laughing and said “Really? Well that makes me happy.” And she started asking why and I told her I find them degrading. She was really surprised because she said that was one thing about them that always turned her off too but she never heard anyone else say that before.

        So when I said my wife’s similar thoughts to mine, I didn’t mean about the double standard, I meant the degrading factor. I think the double standard was actually something she wrestled with out of guilt in the beginning. But after that conversation years have passed and I’m pretty sure she’s never wrestled with it again. I go down on her all the time and she’s never brought blowjobs up again even once, and my guess is she probably thinks, “Why would I? Why ruin a good thing?” I don’t think she wants me to reconsider.

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      • Yep. Nothing to add to that. Obviously that's what's creeps through his head.

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  • It depends on the situation and the reason for doing it.

    Many times it is not degrading, and the lady may prefer to do one for several reasons (a double blow job prior to intercourse is a pretty effective birth control method).

    Admittedly, sometimes it is degrading.

    It depends on the situation and the reason for doing it.

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  • That sounds kind of sexist.

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    • You know what I think sounds more sexist? A man putting his penis in a woman’s mouth.

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  • Absolutely not.

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  • I've never once thought that

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