Is it normal i can't get my sister to be fair?

11 Comments

My mother died in 2000 and my sister & I are the only immediate family members still alive. Because I was travelling at the time, I agreed she could hold on to family records and a writing desk my mother specifically left to me. She is refusing to let me have the desk and for me to go through family records and either take copies or take the originals and copy them for her: all she has agreed to give me are specific papers I've asked for but I'm not sure what else there is. Her excuse about the desk and some of the papers I want is that they're in a storage container at a someone's place and "right up the back" so too hard for her to access.

She's had all this stuff for 18 years and I think it's unfair of her to not give me full access to all the papers and let me have the desk, but she will not listen to me. She is now travelling semi-permanently herself and has been carting family history papers around with her in a caravan!

I want to write about my father's WW1 experiences and his childhood in time for the 100th anniversary in November of the end of WWI (I'm a writer, she's not).

She's quite weird anyway: when my daughter went to see her to let her know I'd had a heart attack, her only response was that she was getting ready to go away for the weekend!

She keeps harking back to an argument we had 8 years ago when she was very unsupportive after I'd been raped and I'm fairly sure told the cops some rubbish which led to them not charging the rapist.

Suggestions please on how I can convince such an unreasonable person to be fair and reasonable.

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Comments ( 11 )
  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    You might have to take her to court.

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    • Ellenna
      5 years ago

      No way: I HATE the legal system with a passion and I don't believe it's at all useful in settling family disputes.

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  • Ellenna
    5 years ago

    UPDATE: (from someone who doesn't believe in astrology)
    Yesterday I glanced at my sun signs and hers: mine said home repairs coming up (landlord is to do these on Saturday) and resolving family conflict and hers said something about the need for her to change.

    A couple of minutes later she called me all nicey nicey and (fingers crossed and I'm not really superstitious either) she's going to give me the papers I want, plus some others. I still want the desk but won't be mentioning it until I get the papers.

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  • CDmale4fem
    5 years ago

    If you have a copy of the will, if there was one. If not, unload a serious can of whoop ass on her rotten ass. Was there ever any lawyers or officials involved in the dispensing of the will contents.? You may have to get an attorney.

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  • lordofopinions
    5 years ago

    If there us a Will and it states you are to have these items then it's lawyer time. You could probably do it yourself through small claims court and save a few bucks.

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    • Ellenna
      5 years ago

      Neither the family papers nor the writing desk were mentioned in my mother's will and even if they had been, leaving specific items to specific people is not binding, it's merely an expression of desire and can't be enforced.

      I don't see going to court as an option anyway: I'm looking for a better way to resolve this family dispute but accept there may not be one.

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  • e51pegasi
    5 years ago

    If you can prove by means of a will or maybe another witness that those items were bequeathed to you then I'd imagine it would be easy to pursue a claim through the courts. Alternatively you could try to get a family member to lean on her, to twist her arm so to speak.

    Or the good old fashioned threatening letter from a solicitor/lawyer may make her think as well.

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    • Ellenna
      5 years ago

      See my response above regarding specific items being left to specific beneficiaries in a will. My mother was a very well organised person and put stickers on her possessions indicating who was to get what and the desk was definitely to come to me, but I agreed my sister could take care of it while I was travelling.

      I really don't want to use legal means: I'm trying to find an amicable way of resolving the issue and in any event I don't have money to pay lawyers.

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      • e51pegasi
        5 years ago

        Apart from a family member gently pressuring her to do something, have you tried explaining what your plans are. Appealing to her good nature & asking to borrow the papers for your project as a start?

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        • Ellenna
          5 years ago

          That's exactly what I did, but she stonewalled me by repeating that she will give me copies of specific documents I list rather than letting me go through them all and work out what I need.

          I strongly suspect that the reason she's behaving like this in relation to my father's background is that there's a probability I will be able to trace Aboriginal ancestry, which she denies exists. For decades I've been recognized by Aboriginal people more recently by Aboriginal organizations as having Aboriginal ancestry, which I believe comes down from my father's grandmother, but can't investigate fully without information she has. That's the other reason I want to go through all the papers.

          I can't afford to start from scratch and pay for birth & death certificates which she already has and won't hand over.

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  • theodorephuccer
    5 years ago

    you might wanna phucc her and bring a ball so she will do it

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