Is it normal for my boyfriend to be overly attached?

11% Normal
8 Comments

My boyfriend is really attached, in an unhealthy way. We talk during school and we have a normal relationship, but he goes off about how he's attached to me and he gets jealous easily. I feel like i can't hangout with friends without making his day bad or putting him in a bad mood. I feel like im walking on eggshells, like one tiny mistake will cause a scene. He always has a problem with something I do, no matter what it is and he never communicates about it with me so I'm stuck thinking about what I've done. He never gives me nights to myself either. We have a routine where we call every single night for like 5 hours and it's tiring. Sometimes I just want a movie night to myself or just simply time alone. But whenever I tell him we cant call that night he gets upset at me. I get that he has problems he can't control. But I would just like some alone time. I never get time for myself because 2 specific friends always text me 24/7 meanwhile I have to call my boyfriend for 2-7 hours every night. I've tried having a day of the weekend to focus on myself and my mental health multiple times but he never lets me. I'm not planning to break up with him so if you have any suggestions please don't tell me to break up with him. I want a peaceful way to fix our relationship without him getting upset.

Voting Results
11% Normal
Based on 9 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • kikilizzo
    1 year ago

    A close family member of mine had a girlfriend just like that. Extremely attached and jealous, ended up attempting to isolate him from all of his friends and got increasingly agressive. Not even couples therapy helped. I would never wait around for things to get any better myself. I'm sure you can easily find a normal, stable partner. These people with these kinds of attachment disorders never improve unless they want it themselves and work hard for it over a very long period of time. Could even be BPD (borderline) which is said to be unusual in men, but I highly doubt that. It's just that the symptoms of BPD are more normalized in men than women.
    I don't see what you could possibly get out of this but since you're in school it's like a first serious relationship. Feelings can really blind you to reality and abusive relationships (and yes, his behaviour is abusive wether that's on purpose or not) causes extreme ups and downs that are addictive because the ups causes a release of good feelings that you keep craving, as well as the whole fixation that you wanna believe you can fix him. Just know there's people out there who can make you feel good all the time, with whom the lows arent toxic but rather normal everyday arguments. Having to walk on egg shells with someone is one of the biggest, if not the biggest red flag in any kind of relationship and it can really mess you up longterm unfortunately and make you believe you can never be yourself or be honest with any future partner either. Very unnecessary to keep putting yourself through that sort of mental abuse.

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    • Dusty_Dr3ad
      1 year ago

      A few days later and it got a little better. In the summer we had a rocky patch that we healthily talked about and fixed, and hes been getting better since then. The last few days have been good for us and I havent been feeling like everything I'm doing is wrong. It's not his fault I feel that way, I think a lot of it is because of trauma from a past abusive relationship where I felt like that. He's really good to me and he recognizes when he messes up and makes up for it, I just need to have a few conversations that I'm not ready for yet but I'll gain the courage to talk to him. We communicate our feelings well and I feel like this post was written in the heat of the moment so I didn't mention anything else that happens. We're doing really good, its just a small problem we have because we both came to eachother from past toxic relationships.

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      • Dusty_Dr3ad
        1 year ago

        Also, about the communication, in the original post I said he doesn't talk about the problems he has with me. He doesn't unless its something super serious that will ruin our relationship if it's kept up. He tried to make our relationship a "do not talk about our problems so we'll forget them and be happy" kind of relationship a while ago but luckily I talked him out of it and I'm trying to help him with communication so we can both do better.

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  • my_life_my_way
    1 year ago

    You said school so I’m going to assume that’s just teenage shit. I’m quite young myself and have had problems with over emotional clingy guys. One claimed he had to get therapy because of me but the therapist told him I was in the right

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  • spotato
    1 year ago

    Couples therapy? Be blunt and set boundaries. He needs self reflection

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  • RoseIsabella
    1 year ago

    Try to get away from him.

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  • notmyrealname123
    1 year ago

    if he wants to act like a girl he should be dating a man.

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    • einexile
      1 year ago

      Girls shouldn't act like that either.

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