Is it normal to wipe my butt with thomas' english muffins™ ?

They have just the right texture for maximum absorption and they feel great on my anus. A little butter and nutmeg in the frying pan and they make an awesome breakfast as well. I know you're thinking, this guy probably works for Thomas' English Muffins™, but I really don't... although I wish I did!

Is It Normal?
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  • are you sure theyre the best? cause this seems unobjective

    have you done a scientific double blind butt cleanliness test with toast and bagels and croissants and cranberry muffins?

    what about toppins? how bout peanut butter? rasberry jam?

    how about different toastin levels?

    im sorry but this just smacks of impulsiveness and incomplete thinkin

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    • Yes, I've tried all kinds of pastries, even cheesecake. Thomas' English Muffins™ has just the right amount of stiffness and absorbancy, without falling apart in your butt cheeks.

      Do NOT toast it as that will produce sharp edges resulting in a trip to the emergency room (speaking from experience here).

      As for toppings, nothing fancy is required. The nutmeg helps to mask the taste of shit for me, but this is a personal preference. Everyone's anus tastes different.

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  • I love how you used the trademark sign... Hahahahaha!

    You wipe your ass with their product, but are still respectful of intellectual property XD

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  • LOL at the meticulous use of ™.

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  • Do they present any problems when you try to flush them? I wouldnt want a garbage can full of poop smeared english muffins. I guess you can throw them at people on the street, that would be really funny.

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  • A bit of useless trivia:

    The things sold as muffins in England look like the English muffins I recall from my youth in the States, but they aren't the same.

    Muffins in England have a texture that's like your basic white bread rather than the chewiness I remember, and they don't have the large internal air bubbles of American English muffins.

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  • Discriminating sewer rats with gourmet expectations just love Thomas' English Muffins™ with tasty shit generously smeared all over. Flush them with pride.

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  • Guess that’s one commercial idea to promote.

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  • Waste of food lol.

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