Is it normal to..want to say no to a visitor to keep my relaxed mood?

One of my long-time friends, an old college roommate, wants to visit tonight after he's done skiing, and, for the second week in a row..I want to say no (I did last week, but had a family gathering, so wasn't home anyway..A valid reason), since I'm in one of those rare, but so nice, relaxed, weekend moods and don't want to kill it.

He's tough to take at times..Ok, usually. Slams everything and everyone he doesn't know or understand, always makes these immature suggestions about what to do, passive-aggressively insults people I know when we go to the sports bar to eat, and will have me check FB pages of everyone he knew in college, which, while fun on occasion, he does all the time, usually in the morning when I get up early and do some work online before he gets up. Will come into my home office and say look up this one, that one..The same people. It's like he never advanced, mentally, past our sophomore year of college, if that. And i'm the one who has to deal with it.

Part of me says stop being selfish, he doesn't visit that often. Winter is actually the most, since he's occupied on weekends during the Summer with volunteering at..No surprise..A college radio station. And, part of me says..If you want him to visit, say yes, however..Nobody should dictate my own schedule or desires. The last time he visited, I was literally getting faster heartbeats in the morning, raising my BP. I can't have that again.


Is It Normal?
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  • Update: He did arrive on Saturday night, after not hearing from him and yet another "oh, sorry I didn't text you earlier" as he was supposed to. I was just about to change into sweats and call it a night when he texted. So, I had to stay dressed, perk myself up for a visitor, then go out to eat.

    Did that, and he immediately started with the immaturity. Comments and stupid suggestions about people I know, which kind of come off as insults to both they and myself (told a bartender friend, who I've known about 15 years, that she should get a tattoo of me, with my thumbs up, on her arm, to match her sleeve..very fkng insensitive, offensive, and strange..She kind of half-smiled and walked away). She likely took it as a dig against her tattoo, which she's proud of. And that he's just a jerk.

    He asked a million questions about people, until, in my tiredness and not getting my pizza yet, I turned to him and said "Don't be an asshole you're entire life". It just came out, but..Did catch him by surprise. He likes to be on the offensive, and not play defense. That put him on defense, and he didn't like it.

    My good, relaxed, weekend mood was absolutely dead about three minutes after he got to my house. Even on the way to the sports bar, I thought to myself..Should have said no this time. It's becoming more of a tolerate, put up with, and watch the clock for when he should be leaving, than fun anymore.

    I'm reminded of an episode of Home Improvement, where Tim's old college buddy visits, and still wants to party with the guys, be wild, etc, and Tim wants to stay home for family night. In speaking with the neighbor, Wilson, Tim said he/the guy has been his best friend for 20 years...Until Wilson asks "Or, was he your best friend 20 years ago?".. That's how I feel anymore.

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  • There are things we WANT to be able to enjoy but it can become more of a chore than a leisure.

    It can be dealing with difficult people or pretty much anything.

    But sticking with people - yeah it is normal to not want certain people around. We all have those relatives, neighbors, or "Friends" that we either dread seeing completely or we have to be in a certain mood and be psyched up in order to put up with their presence.

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