Is it normal to want to harm him real bad?

Hey, it's David.
I have a problem. There's this guy I used to go to school with. We had more contact over a period of time until I saw what a scumbag he is.

Long story short: He violated existing copyright laws, sexually harassed a friend of mine several times against her will and spread nasty rumours about me that were clearly below the belt. Apart from that, he wanted to touch my cock in the shower every now and then after school sports and secretly jerked off in the toilet cubicle at the thought that he could have something with me. He just doesn't deserve my trust anymore. I can't stand him. And that's not least because he's also arrogant, ignorant and a huge know-it-all.

The point is that I am sexually aroused by the thought that I am causing him physical and psychological harm. Like when I break his nose or castrate him. I've had fantasies of beating him up, shaving his head, forcing him into a deepthroat blowjob and then penetrating him against his will in the woods without lube until blood comes out of him. Sometimes it goes so far that I would like to cut him up alive afterwards.

The thing is, I don't really like these thoughts myself. Yes, breaking his nose still sounds quite good, but the rest rather disgusts me. Especially the fact I get a throbbing erection from it and cum like a porn star.

Is It Normal?
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  • Lmao you're worse than he is.

    But there is a chance you're just trolling lol.

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    • Haha, I wish I was.

      The thing is that you don't know a lot of things. Neither about him, nor about me. And I have to say, I'm not someone who likes to share too private stories with strangers, but here you're largely anonymous. Until someone has knowledge and experience of computer science, especially black hat hacking and such to gain any more information about say me or anyone else on here for some crazy reason.

      Anyway, I think your opinion is respectable. I mean, being a sadist is not necessarily a good trait if you take it in the wrong direction. However, what matters here is not what we think we are, but what we are based on our actions.

      I want to say here again that I respect your opinion and I don't want to change it. That is not the purpose of my answer. I just think that if you want to take the time, you should think about what I am writing here now. If you want to know anything that doesn't appear in this text, just ask. If I have time, I may respond.

      But let's start from the beginning. I think that in order to assess both of us better, users should know the circumstances in which we live and have lived. This had and has a certain influence on our actions. Our environment, our experiences and, in the final analysis, our genes essentially contribute to our development.

      There are clear differences here. I was born and raised in a rather shabby district and my family was working class in the broadest sense. Because of our location, we are used to insults and violence. Theft, drug dealing, murder, rape - all were to be expected. There was a clear hierarchy within the district and reputations were regularly fought over. We all had to learn to be on our guard and to fight back if necessary. Nothing was taken for granted. We all learned self-reliance and were proud of it. I could go on, but I think you can imagine the rest.

      On the other hand, we have him. Let's call him Finch. Finch was born and raised in a wealthy neighbourhood. He was the only child of a family that counts itself as high society, although I think that's a bit of an exaggeration (and I'm not alone in that opinion either, so there will be something to it). Apart from being absolutely insignificant to this neighbourhood. Finch very often brags about his father being a professional photographer and having starred in numerous commercials. He couldn't prove it, but we'll leave it at that. There was and is no criminality or hierarchy, just the classic family image and, if applicable, prestige based on the money in the account and, based on that, the influence on the neighbourhood. Crap like that exists. You know, all that "I have the most expensive car" shit. Finch grew up without having to make much effort or learn self-reliance. There was no need to worry about anything else than being a cute little puppy to mama. All he had to do was look big. All the nonsense he did, everything wrong and even illegal, was just swept under the table to cause no stir. That's not even my opinion, he admitted it himself back when we had more t odo with each other and closer friends can confirm his lifestyle.

      So we have a stray dog who knows his rules and a spoilt little poodle (or chihuahua) that thinks he something special, if you like.

      As I wrote before, we have known each other since our school days, which are now several years ago. I had time to get to know him and form my opinion. Before that, there was a desire on my part to fit into a better society. I didn't want to be constantly suspicious when there was actually no reason to be. I also didn't want to keep turning over every coin because the money wasn't always enough, so I would have to go for better education and get myself some social network. So I tried to fit in.

      But, as I'm sure you know, people don't change that quickly and certainly not completely if they remain themselves and don't exactly emulate anyone. Particularly entrenched characteristics based on long and, in my case, unhealthy experience do not. I trusted my instincts and smelled that he was anything but a good friend. And I was, according to mutual friends (yes, I could actually relate to his friends more), in the right. It started, rather harmlessly and childishly, with him telling others that I believed in ghosts and played with Barbies. I ignored it, because it was wrong and immature and I didn't want to cause trouble very early on. But more and more false facts came up that made me more and more angry, but I still kept it to myself, I swaallowed it all. I also kept getting asked if I was gay, had a micropenis, had small deformed testicles and let strange old men fuck me for money and shit. I could now list at least 20 more rumours that don't even have a rudimentary connection to the truth, a lot of them being dead weird andworse than the ones I listed before. And as I said before, people don't change from the ground up. I clearly sensed an attack on my reputation here and talked to him quite a few times about how he should be kind enough to stop. He promised to stop and he was so sorry, but nothing ever changed in the slightest. He clearly wasn't serious about it at all. It got worse and worse. And in response, I got angrier and angrier.

      If you kick a dog, it will either bite you or run away from you. And I'd say I'm that kind of dog to bite in that case.

      I started to study him dead much and I was less and less alone as time went on and Finch was close. I could prove that a lot of what he said was absolute bullshit. It was only when he started talking shit about someone else who I and others had a lot of contact with that it became apparent that he was trying to push his pathetic ego all the time. It divided the whole school a bit - I'm not exaggerating - because some were more behind him and others were more behind me. Some new people didn't know us at all and were more or less dragged into it.

      That was one thing that was quite annoying, but nothing more. Apart from wanting to get my reputation and respect back. That was already pretty much scratched at this point. I mean, if everyone can get away with saying shit about you, that's the beginning of bullying and many other misdeeds. And I'm not an underdog, I wouldn't let that happening.

      The next thing was that I helped him a bit with his music channel before our conflicts, but he claimed that he did everything all by himself and didn't need any help at all. Later he rejected my help - and I didn't want to help him either - and instead accepted help from his grandpa, who illegally used parts of existing music. You can imagine someone just stealing Wrecking Ball, changing the tempo and pitch, cutting and putting it together in a different order, and then selling it as their own composition, just a little bit less flashy. But if you listen to a lot of music, you could quickly spot it. It was no remix or something.

      And this is coming from someone who wants to be a lawyer (I have been told by Olivia that he may soon be kicked out of university. Olivia will be important later.) and is supposedly an expert in everything. I could give a shit by now, but at the time I just rolled my eyes and tried to explain to him that it's not legal nor will it help his future. After all, who would hire a lawyer who does not abide by the current laws himself? Once noted that he still sings worse than me - and I would never sign up for The Voice as I know I wouldn't make it that far - but thinks his singing is wonderful and he is destined for higher things, whatever. I mean, what the hell!

      Then there was the issue of sexual harassment, also touched on above. Let's not start with me there though. A mutual friend, let's call her Olivia. was visiting one of her mates. Her boyfriend at the time was there and so was Finch. They sat on the couch together and babbled. At some point, her boyfriend had to go to the bathroom and left the room. Finch, who had repeatedly made unpleasant remarks before, started trying to touch the inside of her thigh. She said "Don't do that" and he withdrew his hand again. However, he did not stop trying over and over again, touching her on the genital area as well. She was visibly uncomfortable, even slapped him to signal that she didn't want that, but he didn't stop. When her boyfriend came back, he frantically grabbed her wrist, pressed it onto his crotch and pulled her towards him with his other arm around her shoulders. Her steady boyfriend was pissed off and reprimanded him, but it still kept happening. She broke off contact with Flinch, but he would always get back to her and invite himself over. At least there were any attempts. I know this about both Olivia and her now-ex-boyfriend. She was afraid he might try to rape her (she was on medication at the time, some of which made her quite woozy) and her ex-boyfriend wanted to report him in the least. However, they were both worried that Finch was lying to his parents in order to get money for a more reputable and better lawyer to charge them both financially on "serious false charges" or send them to jail. Because, who knows.

      And I've already said that he obviously wants something from me. Otherwise he wouldn't have tried to touch my erogenous zones or wank over me.
      One event in particular stood out. You'll laugh, it sounds like a prison cliché. I dropped the soap and was about to bend down to pick it up when he stood right behind me with his micropenis being all stiff - I could laugh about it all day afterwards if the situation wasn't so serious. I asked him "What do you want from me?". I was already pretty annoyed by his actions. He just said "help you" and apparently wanted to stroke my cheek. I swatted his hand away and frittered him away. Later he reported me and I was expelled because I had allegedly been quite violent for "no reason".
      That was when the first 20 rumours were going around. No one believed me because they all thought, "He comes from an area where cheating and violence was totally normal for everyone. So why should he tell the truth. He showed violent behavior before." when I was facing punishment. There's nothing wrong with that, I don't want to talk myself out of bad behaviour that I likely have shown in the past, but at that school I wanted to avoid anything that went in that direction. I was told that they were considering reporting me to the authorities, but they "graciously" refrained from doing so. I should be grateful, they said.

      There were umpteen other things he did. He cheated the social security office out of several hundred thousand, he stole from me and others against all expectations and tried to cheat us, he also cheated at school and licked the teachers' asses just to get away with stuff and get better grades. It even worked for a few. He has forged documents and is a member of a sect of conspiracy theorists who want the new order in the country where I currently live and don't believe in the existence of Corona. Several people have almost died because of his ruthlessness and lack of insight. He tries to exploit every opportunity to gain an advantage or get what he wants. I hope you get now why I call him a scumbag.

      As I said, I can understand that you don't like my fantasies, however, I would ask you to think it through: I have violent and illegal fantasies that I don't want and desires for revenge that have a reason behind them that I'm still overthinking, he has already carried out illegal activities and got sometimes even rewarded as "he is such a poor soul and wouldn't do anything dead bad".

      I am anything but innocent. I have fucked up quite a bit, mainly beatings and other forms of violence, but I rarely lie, I don't steal when it is absolutely avoidable and unfair As described, I find my fantasies anything but pleasant.
      I don't think I'm any worse than someone who is so spoiled that they think they can get away with anything. I don't get it.

      Thanks for reading. Cheers.

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      • The dude is a dick, but yes you are just a tad bit worse than him. You're talking about fantasizing
        about dismemberment, rape, etc. I can understand wanting to get revenge on a piece of shit like him, but getting off on cutting someone up alive? Come on now. And yeah, you may not like them, but does that make it any less weird? No. Yes, I do get why you call him a scumbag though. I can understand wanting to cause him pain and don't get me wrong, he actually deserves it, but wanting to forcefully penetrate him until blood comes out?

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        • I know what you mean, but I can actually just quote myself here "The thing is, I don't really like these thoughts myself. Yes, breaking his nose still sounds quite good, but the rest rather disgusts me.". It absolutely does. I don't want to keep thinking about raping him (or something else than hitting him in the face), it still just happens again and again. I would love to hurt him, but some of these thoughts and fantasies just go too far.

          I agree with you that it's weird, but is it really worse to think something unwillingly than to do something?

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          • Hmmm, you got me there.

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            • I'm quite conflicted. I've had so many opportunities to pay him back, but I don't think even a simple fight will straighten things out.

              Like, what if I go on a blood frenzy? When I was fighting more often, it was hard to contain. It's like someone standing next to me telling me "You know exactly how to do it. You could do it." I could make a painful turnaround in his life very quickly. And in the end, I wouldn't be much better than him.

              For this reason, I am trying to distance myself to a large extent at the moment. We have agreed on a fight, but I have to strengthen my restraint first, so that he'll take some good blows and then I'm leaving him on the floor giving him a piece of my mind on his actions to think about. Instead of doing any other of the above.

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