Is it normal to use “we” and be obsessed with being normal?

Whenever I do anything my dad dislikes, he always nags me about how “abnormal” it is. He says it’s abnormal to sit sideways across a chair or dislike clam chowder. He got pissed whenever I liked unconventional things shouting about how it’s not normal. When I tell him it’s not killing anyone, he’s like “we don’t like that.” He always uses the pronoun “we”. I want him to realize how abnormal he’s being, but is he really though, or is everyone actually that obsessed with being normal...? I mean, this site exists for a reason...

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 9 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Ur dad needs to not worry about stupid trivial stuff.

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  • The precious, they stole it from us! We doesn't likes it

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  • Some people have very narrow rules for what's acceptable. There can be lots of reasons for that, but often the root cause is fear.

    The world can be a confusing place, and some people have very low thresholds for their threat triggers; they see dangers everywhere. One of the ways they can cope with that is by trying to reestablish control by having hard and fast rules for life and demanding that others comply with them. Often, these people look to fundamentalist religion or populist politicians for simple answers and an authority figure who will make life safe for them if only they conform to a clear set of rules.

    I wouldn't be at all surprised if your father wears a MAGA cap with pride.

    Sometimes, the biggest problem isn't external, but rather fear of what's going on in a person's own head. What they're thinking doesn't conform to what they've been brought up to believe they should think and feel, so they come up with a set of rules to control themselves.

    In your case, there could be something additional going on. Some parents find it extremely difficult to come to terms with the fact that their children are not extensions of themselves, but actually people in their own right who have their own opinions, their own views of the world and their own set of needs and desires.

    The way your father uses 'we' suggests that this might be what's going on: you're not really a separate person in his head, but rather a part of himself, and therefore he finds it upsetting when you do something that highlights that you are indeed not him.

    Alternatively, he could just be a controlling asshole.

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  • Tell your Dad ""We" are NOT normal. Get over it."

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  • No, I can safely say that this is not normal.

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  • He sounds autistic to me, that’s not his fault but it’s no consolation to you. Could you speak to your mother about how you feel?

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    • Actually, my mother is autistic and my parents are divorced. They both had their mental state evaluated and dad turned up as normal.

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  • Thanks, guys! Dad still won’t accept the answers to this question because “it’s just some random site on the internet” BUT at least I feel a little better!

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  • How does he feel about sushi? People who don't like sushi are monsters!

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