Is it normal to think this way?
This is gonna be hard to summarize because it involves very deep thinking, but it seems whenever I bring up the topics of atheism and religion there's a lot of miscommunication, so I guess I'll start by saying this:
I used to be a Christian. I'm more agnostic if anything, but I lean more towards atheism, but I believe in occult and various supernatural things that most atheist may not agree with. One excuse I had for not becoming atheist is one that I still kind of believe: it means nothing. It's hard to put these kinds of thoughts into words, but from the Christian perspective, God made humans to rule over animals and placed importance on us, and gave us all our emotions and languages (before the Tower of Babel at least). Now, one thing I want to get out of the way because it's debated all the time: yes, I know atheist can be moral. Yes, I know that atheist majority countries are usually safer. Yes, I know there's violent passages in the Bible, but here's the thing: does morality even exist? How do we examine what we should and shouldn't do, and why we should it shouldn't?
And this part ironically is hard to put into words, but do words have any real meaning? Considering the fact that we're just animals, it almost feels like we're cheating. That we shouldn't have languages and that we should live in the jungle like animals. I'm not saying I WANT to live like that, but sometimes it feels like we should.
I hope this made SOME sense. Hopefully someone can cheer me up because this is driving me mad.