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During sex, my bf will take a pair of nose clips (the things people use when swimming to prevent water from getting in their nose) to stop me from breathing through my nose and insert a wiffleball gag in my mouth with a heavy cloth over it to further prevent me from breathing... Is this normal
Erotic asphyxiation or erotic hypoxia is both dangerous and addictive. You will as a rule experience orgasms that feel more intense or body draining but then you or he may progress towards more risky asphyxiation play in your sex.
You are basically practicing a form of sex play that is the equivalent of running across the railroad tracks in front of an oncoming train. Someday you can lose your footing. Knowingly practicing a form of sex play where one reasonable possibility of an outcome is death, is not normal. Death resulting from erotic asphyxiation or erotic hypoxia is most often accidental but then, you and not he are the one at risk.
Another insidious aspect to this, is that your boyfriend is basically fucking up your pleasure paradigm, in as much as normal sex, with other men in the future; will not provide you with the gratification your life-threatening sex play as engendered. In this aspect it is very controlling behavior on his part; since you will need HIM to make you feel what you want to feel.
This is one of the best posts I've ever seen here - no, I'll correct that, it's THE best. I wish I'd written it myself. Factual, non-judgmental and well-informed: I hope OP takes notice of it before it's too late.
You are very knowledgeable on this issue: can you explain why edgy sex is so addictive? BDSM for example? I realise it's because the orgasms are more intense but why are they? Does the pain, immobilisation, feigned danger focus the attention? That's one of my own theories.
The pleasure paradigm reference is very interesting to me, because I've noticed that internet porn has become increasingly violent against women over the last few years and I'm concerned that people getting off on it and then putting it into practice don't realise how addictive it is and that the non-consensual acts they're aroused by are performed by actors and are dangerous and abusive in real life.
I'd be interested in other people's thoughts on this and thanks again for yours
Thank you for your kudos, I really don't think I can provide an adequate answer to the question of sexual addiction/compulsion; but here goes... To begin with sex and the resulting rewards of orgasm are a hormonal compulsion (lust). Everyone who partakes of sex has an internal dialogue (desire); where each of use assumes a role, wherein we ultimately derive some form of sexualized pleasure.
What represents edgy sex is utterly relative. Mr. & Mrs. Missionary Position, after a great deal of scintillating discussion finally plan & decide to have sex in the, oh so risqué, living room. Now, maybe they are exhibitionist in the making or maybe they discover they like having sex in different places or maybe Mrs. is an exhibitionist and Mr. likes doing it indifferent places (it makes him feel like a hound dog). Together they satisfy and nurture each others desire (closeted or not). Hooray! Sex has gone from lukewarm congealing oatmeal to a buffet.
Our boundaries shift over time and eventually our paradigm has changed. Living room sex is the new mundane & lust is left wanting. Repetition results in extinguishment of desire. By adulthood, repeated extinguishment of our internal dialogues results in our taking command of our orgasms. We purposefully go shopping for discerning sexual intrigue. Sexual genres are our shopping malls of both fantasy & practice.
I think there needs to be a yin/yang relationship between our physiological journey to orgasm and our desire. If you consider spanking to be pleasurable, then it must be done with some recognition that the site of excitation can become numb and then only a more profound degree of physical excitement will finish that journey. Our physical senses are extinguished far more rapidly than our desire dialogue (fantasies) and our rebooting of the dialogue to our disinterested body becomes a self inflicted flagellation of our body, all for the sake of an equal or better orgasm.
Regarding the depiction of rape & strangulation that has entered into porn, I don't care whether someone derives pleasure from viewing it or not. It surpasses any form of human decency and I do not believe it should be entitled to the same free speech protections as the majority of other forms of adult sex entertainment.
Thank you for your thoughts, it's taken me a few days to take all that in and analyse it.
I see what you mean about "edgy" sex being utterly relative. It's clear to me that when we chase more "edginess" in itself, with no emotional, spiritual or affectional connection, ultimately it's unsatisfying and no longer edgy and so has to become more and more extreme to give any satisfaction - in other words, it becomes addiction.
I have noticed this in myself: when I first encountered depictions of anal sex on the net I was amazed and aroused, now it's commonplace.
I'm philosophically opposed to censorship but very concerned about the long term effects of so much porn depicting women supposedly enjoying being brutalised and subjected to practices which are dangerous and even life-threatening. As with your spanking analogy, I feel there's an emotional and ethical desensitisation involved which must inevitably lead to some individuals acting out these practices in real life when their response to internet porn wanes.
In the BDSM community there's a saying that fantasies are hungrier than bodies: if everyone watching brutal porn realised that and stayed in fantasy land women would be much safer in the real world.
No
do you pass out??? I suggest you stop this behavior. ..maybe leave him..
im surprised your still alive being suffocated and stuff.
Haha when I first read his I thought your husband was plugging HIS nose because of the 'sex smell' . OMFG I can't stop laughing
See my reply above: she's probably addicted to it and addicts keep doing what they do even when they know it could kill them. And I'm not talking only about illegal drugs here, but nicotine & tobacco too.
Sex is such a powerful urge that when something, anything, gives you more intense orgasms that "anything" becomes addictive even if it's something that's potentially dangerous.
Believe me, I'm speaking from personal experience and it's not an easy thing to change.
Well... I'm half asleep and not really in the mood to go into detail about all my knowledge on this stuff since I'd be repeating what's already been said above but.... Hun your boyfriend is going to kill you during sex, either on purpose or by accident, one of these days. You might want to be careful.
If he likes the slight oxygen deprivation from a nose plug during sex, then I can see why, although it may still be dangerous.
But making you do it is fucked up. I'm sexually open-minded, but I can't imagine wanting my partner to do something potentially fatal during sex. I wouldn't ask him to mix Viagra with poppers, for instance, no matter how bad his ED were.
Try another boyfriend that treats you like a real person and not like someone that they can take advantage of. You deserve better. Get going.....There are so many out there that will please you the way you should be pleased. Get rid of this guy that has no up-bringing on how to treat a women.
I think you misssed the point - she enjoys it, which doesn't mean it isn't dangerous, and she's probably addicted to the more intense orgams it gives her. He may not feel he's taking advantage of her if they both enjoy it, although I can't see how control on his part wouldn't be a huge part of it for him.
The fact that it's consensual doesn't make it any the less dangerous, of course, but it does make it harder for her to give it up. I mean, some junkies shoot each other up consensually, doesn't mean they're not addicts or that what they're doing isn't dangerous.
it's normal, but quite dangerous. I would advise being more careful than you are currently. Stop using utensils to stop you from breathing, most certainly.That's dangerous. And have a certain signal you can make with your hand or something. Or rather, a signal you make -until- it becomes too much, at which you stop making the signal.
I would advise you to refrain from it in general, but I don't see you doing that.
I liked you better when you were yellow :P
Haha (^_^) well..us Yellowians will miss you ever so dearly.. sigh :(
I enjoy breathplay! It's called erotic asphyxiation, and I wouldn't say it's common, but it's not out-of-this-world strange.