Is it normal to not want to keep an urn of a loved one?

My father passed very recently. Im fairly young, so its something I never thought I'd have to deal with yet. Getting to the point, I feel like it's too morbid to keep something like that, yet people keep insisting it is something I should do.

Is It Normal?
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  • I'm sorry for your loss. That's something I haven't had to deal with I can't imagine

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  • Well you can spread them if you don't want to keep them. Even bury them.

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  • Give it to a family member. A safety deposit box. Bury it. Spread the ashes.

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  • I have the ashes of two of my cats who have passed away in urns. My sister buried our family dog, a collie that was deeply bonded to her in a pet cemetery, and I bought, and paid for the headstone.

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  • Please feel free to dispose of them in any way you feel is proper. There is no requirement for you to keep them.

    My mother wanted to keep the ashes for my dad, and did. Talked to them at times, and referred to him still being with her as well... "resting" in the living room (where the ashes were).

    She passed a bit over a year ago... and her body went to medical education and research. The medical school returned her ashes to me this summer.

    I will be burying both sets of ashes this fall together in the cemetery of her choice in accordance with my mothers wishes.

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    • Nigga, you good with making sculptures?
      Mix them ashes into some clay and sculpt some shit artsy.

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      • My mother has a friend who is a glass blower and she puts peoples or pets ashes into very pretty glass stuffs. She recently had something made for my little brother whose dog died and asked if I wanted one too since I had to put one of my pups down earlier this year. I said no because I couldn't bring myself to open my dogs ashes and take some out, although the glasswork is beautiful.

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  • I think the point of cremation shall be to diaperse the ashes in nature, at best in some large lake/the sea.

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  • Honestly just do whatever you want. People are full of opinions on what one ought to do when a loved one dies. There is no normal or correct way of dealing with this - just so long as you actually do deal with it.

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  • I assume you've been given the ashes because you're the closest surviving relative of your late father. I don't know who the 'people' are who are telling you that you should keep the cremation remains, but if they're not related to you, they should keep their opinions to themselves. If they're relatives, if you feel your father would be happy for them to have his ashes and if you're comfortable with that idea too, offer the ashes to them.

    My feeling is that keeping cremation ashes indefinitely is a little weird. In fact, I don't see any difference in principle between holding on to cremation remains and keeping an embalmed relative in a sealed coffin somewhere in the house. (I know it's very different as far as the law is concerned, and obviously there's a huge difference in terms of practicality, but both are about holding on to the physical remains of someone who has died.)

    Lots of people spread ashes - either in private or in a little self-made ceremony with those who cared about the deceased - in some place that the deceased person liked. My wife's father worked on North Sea ferries, and he was a keen fisherman. His ashes were spread on the sea near the port he sailed out of, which was also close to where he fished. When my late wife died, I thought for some time about what to do with her ashes. Eventually, I spread them in the holes I'd dug when I planted several fruit tree saplings. That seemed fitting and all circle-of-life, but it was also a practical thing, since bone meal promotes root-growth.

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    • Not to rain on that beautiful story but I wouldnt honestly plant a fruit bearing plant on the ashes of someone. I know it would be a super indirect consumption of nutrients of that person but it would still be weird.

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