Is it normal to not care when my mom cries?

For context, my mom is mentally ill (bipolar/bpd/manic depression) and tends to cry a lot and have temper tantrums when things don’t go her way. She’s used to getting everything she wants in life because she has huge fake titties and men throw money at her. She’s a welfare bum and watches TV from the moment she wakes up until she goes to bed, only intercepted by bathroom breaks and feeding the cats. This is where the crying comes in. 100% of her stress in life is caused by these cats. All she has to do is feed them and scoop their litter, but according to her this is the most difficult task that has ever existed and she’s burdened with it everyday. When the cats come meowing at her in the morning she screams at them and has a crap attack. She did that this morning and started yelling at the top of her lungs how she hates everything and I’m using her (I’m 17) because I irregularly feed the cats so I start yelling too, stating that she’s acting like a child and perhaps this is why she lost her job at Tim Hortons 12 years ago. She goes off on a tangent about how she acts like this because nobody loves her and whatnot and now she’s crying again. I can’t even begin to describe how childish my mother is. I don’t think she ever matured past 13, which is when she got blacklisted from every school in the city. Grandma tried to fight for her rights to education but she didn’t wanna go to school and this was the 80s and the schools could do whatever they wanted.

TLDR: Mom is mentally ill and very childish and cries a lot. She has temper tantrums like a toddler which usually end in her crying and I just don’t care anymore.

Is It Normal?
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  • Just try to help your mom man, take over some of the cat care. Be there for her.
    She's ill and doesn't know better, but she's still your mom and loves you. Try to get her on good meds that work on her right.

    My mom has some mental health issues. She's had bad periods, depression and psychotic breaks and I feel nothing but sadness, regret and compassion whenever she goes crazy. She didn't ask for this shit. Life took a turn on her for the worse and that's how she turned out.
    Never stopped my dad... He knew what she was like since before they were even married and has been by her side for over 40 years! If that's not a legend of a role model, I don't know what is. My dad is a hero!
    He could have left her and gone for another woman and live a much calmer life, but he soldiered on, doing his best to make it work and have a family with her, because he loves her.

    And when she's feeling down, I try my best to be at her side and help her any way I can.
    While I've seen her at her worst, she is my mom and I love her just as much as she loves me.
    I know that cursed fucking illness is not my mom speaking. When my mom is healthy, she is the sweetest, most loving, positive and compassionate woman on the planet.

    If I had the chance to give away everything I own just so she can be fully cured and healthy, I'd give it all away in a heartbeat. Cars, business, money, all that crap you can work and buy again. But you can't buy another mother...

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    • PS: How do you suggest a 17 year old "get" his psychotic mother on good meds? That would be between the mother and her doctor.

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      • Ask family friends for help? Contact a different doctor and talk your mother into going for a check?
        Nobody said it was easy.

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        • And I didn't say anyone said it was easy. In the case of someone as psychotic as his mother appears to be, I reckon it would be virtually impossible

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    • That's an inspiring story, but in your family there was another adult (your father) dealing with the situation. OP is only 17 and it seems having to try and survive this alone.

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  • Despite having a mental illness I think there is only so much crying you can empathize with. Tears get old and annoying fast.

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  • I don't have advice. I'm in a similar situation as you. My mum has bipolar. But I hope at least it makes you feel better that you're not alone in all this and that there are others out there that have to go through similar things as you with your mother.

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  • Is she medicated or unmedicated?

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  • My grandmother was schizophrenic. You should start changing the litter too. Its not that hard. Sometimes its better to meet in the middle and de-escalate the situation. Just clean the litter then she wont bitch

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  • I'm sad you're dealing with this situation on your own: are there other family members who could support you? It's OK you've detached from your mother's behaviour to some extent, but it must be very difficult for you.

    Is it possible for you to move in with another family member, even for a while? Also please consider getting some support for yourself, for example from a school counsellor or chaplain or other trustworthy adult.

    In Australia there are support groups for children of people with mental illness but I don't know if that's available where you live: check out that possibility too. I do know that when I was living with a psychotic addict I had great difficulty not becoming as crazy as she was and found AlAnon very helpful. AlAteen might be helpful, but like AlAnon, it's for people close to alcoholics & other addicts.

    If you can't live elsewhere you'll just have to work on your detachment and find support for that until you're old enough to leave home.

    Good luck: it's a shitty situation, but you don't have to deal with it alone. Please look around for support!

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