Is it normal to miss someone who was bad to you / be angry that it happened
Okay, this is gonna be a long one, but i dont know why i still miss someone who has done so much harm to me and the people around me. We'll call them person A, now A and me used to work together and have the same general friend group. Before i got fired and i got really bitter at everyone at my job and i never wanted to see my co-workers ever again, that includes A.
Some months go by yeah sure everythings fine and dandy, then A gets invited to this event with me and my friend group (without my prior knowledge) and i just feel like SHIT at that moment. Not the "ohh im a bad person" shitty, im talking full on discomfort shitty. I dont think ill ever reach a point of discomfort like that ever again. But! i do try to get over this and try to be friends with him you know we talk and act normal, i feel like i was forced to get along with this person because everyone else was.
Like 2 ish years go by and im still not comfortable with A whatsoever but ive been getting numb to whatever bro has been doing, i forgot what happened next but we all (my friend group) went to an event together and person A slipped up and said something bad. like bad bad. something you dont wanna know bad. but this just sent the entire group into a spiral and A was having none of it and started arguing back. I wanted to punch A so bad, i wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me over the span of 3 and a half years.
Eventually we kicked him out of our friend group and wanted no contact with him again, but i felt..bad? i felt so shitty because i feel like i could have done something to stop this entire argument, but i didnt so now the fault is all mine. one of my friends (the one who invited A to the first event) apologized to me for not knowing i was uncomfortable. I forgave him but it wont be okay ever, 3 and a half years is a long time to be uncomfortable. So i just said "yeah its okay" and went back on my lonesome.
So when i got home i just sat there. i sat there and recounted all the red flags that A had just waving around in the wide open, and i got angry. i got so horribly mad because i cant believe i let it go on for 3 AND A HALF YEARS and im just now realizing what they were doing was not okay, A even made me cry once and didn't apologize for it. But i miss him more than ever because i feel like this is my fault, and that i could have stopped it whenever before we got to this point. Now i cant escape the creeping thoughts, because somehow everything reminds me of A and i cant let it go.
TLDR ; person hurt me, now i miss em, and im mad that it happened.