Is it normal to feel the urge to turn my back on a friend?

Long story **NOT so** short:
My friends mom (whom i guess since I'm excommunicated with my original friend, and only talk to her mom now) lost her house back in March, she says "due to the pandemic" but her income (and no other, and has been this same income for 20+ years) is her SSI and her son's SSI/SSD. which is why I was wondering wtf the pandemic had to do with her losing her home (she has gambling issues which I'm aware of that she's secretive about, so maybe it's that and she's embarrassed, idk)

Anyways, so her house was lost in March, she was staying with a friend from March to May, and has been in My City since mid-June (yet I've only heard from her just a few days ago) anyways, so she asked if she could stay with me, I told her it's have to be the garage since I have limited space, and i told her I've got a cpl air mattresses for her & her son as well as a cpl a/c units that'll fit in the Windows of the garage.

Now she's been asking if I still have random items i.e. my tv, my kitchenaid mixer, my backup car, etc and is asking how much all those items are worth and if I've looked into selling them (not TO her, but FOR her) which is was the first red flag, then she asked if the garage is attached to the house, I assumed this inquiry was because she wanted to know if a bathroom was accessible, she then asked about my wiring, what type i have (if i knew) and if i have any gold or platinum jewelry still :/

I told her that I would take pix of the garage but never called her back, nor have texted. She's only called once so far, and I feel guilty since she doesn't "like" the place she's at now. I told her "if it's just 'preference' based at this point, why not just stay where you're at and just limit the amount of times you uproot your son" (who has autism and is having a hard time with all this instability)

This woman was there for me when my mother passed, yet fell off the grid for the last 2 years with me (haven't heard from her since Spring, 2018) and now i feel she's only gotten ahold of me because she needs something, but that's not really how she rolls. It's offputting. Idk if it's gambling, maybe drugs? Idk.

But i feel guilty AF being hesitant to let her stay. I care for her and even more so for her son, he's a good kid, and since Im "on the spectrum/high functioning Au" myself, I'm one of the few people in his life that can relate to him and handle him/calm him down.

Idk what to do. She was there for me when my most painful memory first happened to me and she seems to be in dire straights here, but i just don't trust it.

Am I wrong for being this way?
Am i just as bad since I accepted her comfort when I needed something/someone but now i won't reciprocate because of paranoia??

Is it normal to turn a friend away in a time of need, even when they've never screwed you over before??
Should I give her the opportunity to screw me over before I shut the door in her face? I would assume so, right?

Also, if it isn't a good idea and y'all agree with me to not let her stay at this time, how do you turn someone away without destroying the relationship?
^^^I mainly ask this, not because I have an issue saying No, I say it ALL the time lol, BUT...I don't know how to do it after agreeing to let her stay, then retracting the offer..
Which i WOULDN'T be doing if she asked all these weird invasive questions BEFORE i agreed to let her stay here (who knows..maybe that's why she waited to ask, idk :/ )

I guess if she really is a friend, she will take it in stride, but if she gets all huffy and never wants to speak to me again, then i guess that'll let me know i was just something to use.

God this sucks :\

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  • **Update:
    I got text from her on Monday/Tuesday, she told me about her cat (who is 12 years old, is a cousin to my cat, who is 15 yrs old( Anywhoodles, so a day or two before this text, she had asked me, since her living situation is and HAS been unstable, if I would take her cat for her, I said I would have to think about it (I like the cat just fine, and she would be safe & even spoiled with me, lol) but I wanted to ask my husband about it, since our 15yr old was recently diagnosed with hyperthyroidism as well as a heart murmur (so we're already caring for not only another senior cat, but a sick one at that) he said of course, since we both love animals. Then all this happened with the weird/sketchy behavior, prying & downright creepy & disrespectful inquiries. So I dodged her calls and texts from Saturday to Monday.

    On Monday she texted saying that her cat was is sick (probably contagious, but my cars are UTD on shots so wasn't too worried about it, she was freaking out saying her cat wouldn't eat, weakness in hind legs, urinating frequently and NO "bm's" (which would be a give with no appetite & no food intake) theses all sounded like symptoms MY car had/has, so when she asked me what she should do, I suggested she take the cat to the vet (gave her my vets info and which vet to ask for, since one is REALLY nice) and followed up with her but no reply.

    Hadn't heard from her until today, she started off by saying her cat "died" then started telling me it was my fault!! Wtf?! Saying if I had taken her, this wouldn't have happened, etc etc. I told her if get kitty was sick enough that whatever she had killed her 3-4 days, she was too far gone for ME to have helped, and possibly was too sick for even a vet who could provide immediate care!

    She went on to tell me that she had been "SO DISTRAUGHT" that she ended up leaving her son (who usually goes with her, cause she gets mailers in the mail from Casinos each month that offer (more like bribe/tempt) 2 Free rooms for 2 nights (since they know by her account, she travels with a child) anyways, so apparently her cats death is This Months crutch for her gambling addiction, /sigh and so she didn't even take her son, she left her low/med functioning autistic son, who doesn't know where he's even at and who is usually fairly mellow, has been having lots of panic attacks she even violent outbursts, which I've never heard of from him.

    So she stayed overnight in the casino, and when she ran out of money (yes..this time she spent ALL of both Hers (who cares, its get money i guess) AND all of HIS disability for this month of!! I didn't say anything, because I don't want to warn her, but i know since I've visited her at one, that she ALWAYS uses her card that she gets SSI on the slot machines, so given this information...I'm seriously considering reporting her. I mean, that's in breach of her responsibility as a "Payee" isn't it?

    Does anyone by chance have any experience or information on this matter? And also, even though he's 19, about to turn 20 in November, since he's technically an adult BUT probably isn't equipped (hence being on SSI his whole life, or since he was a toddler) to live on his own, would he end up in like some "group home/assisted living of kin or?..

    I ask because I care for this kid like he's My son, I've known him since he was 5 yrs old and I don't know where he'd end up if she (hopefully loses custody/or whatever it's considered after the age of 18) because his older sister (the eldest) is a VERY violent (mostly physical) person as well as a junkie and hoarder (trash yes a bit, bury mostly animals, we're talking HUNDREDS of dogs & cats but for some odd reason the charges haven't been sticking for years, and his Other sibling (brother) is a druggie, and kind of an asshole, BUT He has always been good to his younger brother (while their mom was out gambling would come by and take his little brother to the movies, back to school shopping etc, so he DEFFO is more responsible than her, but he's just pretty terrible with money too, and hooked on drugs (so, idk since his heart is in the right place, for now)
    I guess maybe the older brother would be best bet, as yeah he has his addictions too, but then again, he's always treated him good and is patient with him. (So maybe 50-80% of his SSI would go to his brothers drug habit, but then again, unlike with his mother, approx 20-50% of it would At Least go to HIM or at least to feed him, clothe him, keep roof overhead, etc.

    What REALLY pisses me off though (Well, neglecting her dependent & special needs child is awful and probably the worst) but second to that is I learned later that her excuse for gambling was bullshit! She said she was so distraught over her cats death (that was MY fault?! No less) and yet while getting pissed off at me for calling hey out on her immature & selfish ass, that she went to casino on Tuesday (right when she got Their checks) and yet her cat died (correction: the other thing that pisses me off, she didn't 'die' she was Killed) on THURSDAY

    Rewind: I'm sorry, how did you become so distraught over your cats death, 2 days before she died?...
    Did you get a touch of "clairvoyance" and mourn her future death vicariously through a vision. What?! worse, she took the cat to the vet, like i suggested. But not for an exam (only about $40-$45, and the full blood panel is about $50-$60, + if it was thyroid, the Rx through That vet is only $23 for 90-day supply.
    But no..she didn't go there to spend approx $100 to try & help her cat, she went there with the intention to KILL the cat (which she found out since they try to discourage that AND it's not a "cheap" process to begin with) that it was like $275-$300 at this particular vet (idk why but) and then freaked out after learning the price of it, said screw it, asked a "friend" of hers to Shoot the cat, to save money, she didn't know at the time he i guess is on "Felony Probation" and i guess if ur a felon you can't even be AROUND guns, let alone own AND use them **SMH!** which no one might've ever figured out if 1. They DIDN'T do it in city limits (I'm talking in a 250k population town/city, right by a church & a burger king **SMHHH!!* add to it, her son tried to stop the guy from doing it, & i guess "messed up" the shot, causing a brief suffering of her cat, for the guy and me (since i assumed the cat was hers) to find out that it was her SONs cat, not hers (i always assumed it was her cat, just that she ALWAYS slept on his bed maybe because of room temp, sunlight, etc.

    This now has her son traumatized (since she was trying to do it while he was busy and not tell him about it, which i guess is kind of considerate?? Similar to the "your doggy went to go live on a farm" type of lie, but she didn't even give him a chance to say goodbye to her, and could've just taken her to the vet, i saw her ok, she had lost weight & such but damn dude, age was still relatively active and I didn't put My cat down, and she's sick with something similar AND a few years older to boot

    Now she's got a completely shutdown, unresponsive kid, has $30 *out of their combined $1,600+ that was supposed to last All month* left (and that's only because she "sold" her son's 2 night hotel rental, and more than half of that she spent on more gambling before checkout.

    And then she just texted me saying "can you at least let me take your cans or just can i have some money, otherwise neither _____ or I are eating this month" and i was like "you know what, you're right, he shouldn't go hungry. You tell _____ to come over to our house if he's ever hungry, you're right up the block so he won't need a taxi, or i can just pick him up, as for you, kick rocks, and if you're hungry maybe you should've thought about that before you blew yours and Not So Your money. Might i suggest good pantry?

    Then she went off on me lol, which at this point was just humorous and then she ended it with

    "you know, its not right that you're willing to feed my son, who doesn't even register more than half the time YOU or anyone else is even there,and not ME!" And I'm like "he's a kid, who needs help & you're an adult who he had the misfortune of being birthed by. You're entirely selfish and you shouldn't bother contacting me again"

    Then I *not texted* but Facebook and emailed her son extending my kitchen & if things get really rough, or are ends up just abandoning him for a few months, after she "re-up's" the SSI, as well as my garage to him, if he comes down by himself.

    So yeah if ANYONE has any info and can tell me if what she did specifically is in breach of payee via SSI policy/agreement, plz let me know. And also. Give he has a couple N.O.K/next of kin, if I would be eligible to "adopt/care" for him? I really am worried about him, but idk if i even can be his payee/mom type figure, given he is 19.

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  • If you REALLY want to help, you could get locks for your door or invest in a safe anyhow and lock up anything of value.

    It’s pretty extreme though when you’re already doing someone else a favor. 🤷🏾‍♀️

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    • I think this is a pretty good suggestion, but I also think this woman's intention is to take advantage of OP, and steal from her. I personally tend to think that addicts who are thieves are the sort of people that one should let be.

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  • Maybe she owes money from her gambling
    Maybe she found out more about why you and her daughter aren't friends, maybe she sees you as a resource more than a person at this point
    Maybe she needs money she can't find at her current house, or it's someone she doesn't want to cut ties with
    Maybe she wants to live with you to let people in to literally clean house

    A real mom would put the child first, and not moving around to a bunch of houses so soon before moving to California would be something a cognizant mother would do

    She may be in over her head, hence her behavior

    Seems like she may have just gotten too comfortable for too long and forgot what the real world is like

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  • Wait did you say she asked about your jewelry? That's a major red flag. I grew up with ppl like this. Honestly, going with your gut is the way to go. I would not let her move in. There's a huge chance you'll never be able to get her out. I dont see how this can end well, and it does not benefit you in any way. You take all the risks with no reward. It sounds like she's on drugs to me.

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    • Yeah, i mean, she's planning on moving back down to Cali first week of September/this month when she gets her funds released and mandatory maintenance on her vehicle for a long trip (i.e. oil change, tires etc) so she "says" it'll only be a week, and even if it Is only a week, that's more than enough time to rip me off.

      I'm just hoping I'm not being an asshole. I mean, she's never screwed me over before (and I've known her about 16yrs) but yeah the jewelry, inquiring about what my wiring in my house is made of? Weird...she said she was hoping my wiring was made of copper, like wtf does that mean? Is she gonna wait for me to leave for work and gut my house of it's wiring?? Lol that's crazy af

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      • Idk if you knew this but crackheads and methheads steal copper out of peoples houses to sell. Copper is really expensive. I dont think you should do it. It sounds like she wants to take you to the cleaners. She probably hasnt screwed you over because she hasnt gotten a good opportunity yet. I wouldnt let her in. If youre an honest person you dont ask about jewelry and copper. Thats hella sketchy

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        • Hmmm, you make multiple valid points. Thank-you for your honesty and logical suggestions. This has helped me make my decision. 👍

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  • Wow, you dodged a fuckin nuclear bomb here. I had a feeling this one was bad news. I grew up around a lot of ppl like that. They feed off your kindness. I'm sorry she put the cat's death on you thats fucked up. I'm not too sure about the special needs guy, but probably all you could do is tell him to come live with you if something goes wrong. But that will just get you more tangles with her.

    I'd be sad for the son also but just be warned that she may use him in the future to leverage cash or favors out of you.
    They always want weird ass favors like a ride to the bank to "pick up their check" at 1am or something ridiculous and shady

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  • Ask her why she is asking you all of these invasive questions. What the the does it mean when you say she is asking you to sell valuable household items "for" her? Does she mean for you to sell you personal belongings, and give her greedy ass the money? OH, HELL TO THA NO!!! Also what the fuck kind of piece of shit bitch asks you if you have any gold, or platinum jewelry? No, you already know that she is a gambling addict, now you say she might be a drug addict. Fuck this shit!

    If she has a roof over her head, and food in her belly then let her be, because she sounds like she means to steal from you.

    Just tell that you can't help her after all. Don't trust her, she sounds like she aims to do you wrong.

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