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I saw a video of a man unwrapping a present, and he was so happy, that kind of childlike pure happiness. First I felt it warm my heart and immediately after I felt a deep deep sadness. It happens every time when I see someone that happy, doesn't matter if I know them or not. I even get that sad when I look at pictures of myself when I was younger and having that pure kid smile. Why does happiness make me so sad?
Do you feel like happiness, and joy are missing from your life? I first impression is that you are comparing yourself too much to other people. I think you ought not to compare your insides to someone else's outside. People like to put up a lot of content where they appear to be happy, and content, but knows what is going on inside, and underneath it all?
I don't know, I don't even know how I feel most of the time lately. On one hand I think I'm doing OK, mostly when I'm with my boyfriend I feel happiness and love and I have fun, same when I'm with friends or even alone. But when I'm home it's terrible, my father was always physically abusive to me, my sister and my mother. That paired with an abusive relationship in my late teens probably didn't pair up so well. I have memories of almost all birthdays and christmases of my mom and dad yelling and insulting and physically fighting and making everything very sad. I understand that pictures of my birthdays make me sad I guess, becouse I know those happy memories were usually followed by a beating for no reason. Maybe you're right, I see how happy those people are and think that a lot of my happiest moments weren't that happy and that there was always some kind of pain just around the corner.