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I'm a 19 year old male, and my father abused me mentally for almost all of my life. I'm trying to face him and tell him how much he's fucked me up, but I keep getting nauseated, weak, and anxious at the thought of standing up to him. Is there something worse wrong with me, or is this more normal on terms of how people feel?
You can heal from the abuse without confronting him and I don't think you're ready to do that without some therapy.
As an interim measure, why don't you write out a confrontation with no intention of sending it to him at this stage? Maybe that would take the pressure off and with some help and support you can work towards confronting him in person?
When you do get to the point of confronting him face to face, I'd suggest you do this in some neutral public place, not in his home or where you're now living and that you make sure you have some support for yourself after the confrontation.
Take care of yourself first!
Oh yeah!
*hears Peggy Hill's voice in her head*
Cuntsiclestick has left her mark on me! 😊
I have been through the exact same thing. I left home at the age of 16. I heal myself slowly, but it will probably never be a complete process. However, the first step is to exit the toxic environment. Without this, any single thing you try will be wasted. I repeat, any possible thing you try to do to help yourself will be a waste if you do not exit that place. After departure, you need to find your own path and to educate yourself, replacing your parents. If I was you I would get any job to get out of the house. That includes dropping out of Uni for it. I managed to heal myself a lot and my life is much better, but none would be possible without exiting that place.
Best of luck.
Standing up to abusers is often very tough thing to do. You can take meds to help with the depression and anxiety tho.
Abusers do their best to make you vulnerable. They want you to feel useless and incapable. It keeps you from pushing back or defending yourself.
It's all a manipulative lie. You are not weak. You are worthy of love and respect.
Confrontation can be dangerous for you. You may feel it is necessary, and it may well be so for closure, but your safety is paramount. Is there any way you can get away from this?
But I had a whole half a sentence before the "but" that must be negated because that's totally how English works...
Naw, the whole paragraph makes sense to me. Sorry, if I'm being daft. I think everyone wants to stand up to their bullies, and to have closure. A lot of people who are verbal and emotional abusers tend to escalate.
When I started looking up stuff about narcissistic abusers it said that they hate it when people stand up to them. My stupid ex didn't try anything crazy though until I actually walked away from him.
Sorry, I'm acting kinda weird, I couldn't sleep all night.
I'm away at college in a different town right now. I was going to call him and tell him how I feel but it makes me feel like throwing up, just thinking about it...
Thank you for your kind and supportive comments.
Don't do it just yet. Wait until you graduate.
Seriously, if you're Dad is paying for college tuition for you then milk him for all he is worth in order to get your education. He owes you that much. When you graduate get a good job, move out on your own and then tell him whatever you want or maybe just go no contact.
If he ever needs a kidney tell him that you need both of yours. 🙂
I'm glad you're somewhere safe. Perhaps you could see a therapist at your college to work through everything?
Get in his face and let the rage out. No therapy is going to help you until you fight back. If you do that you can move on with your life as a whole person, not the fraction of a person you are now.
That's exactly how I felt when questioning my father about something he thought wrong.
Damn, that's awful. I have always questioned both of my parents, and authority figures in general.
My ex used to yell and scream at me, then towards the end of the relationship I would look him straight in the eye, and tell him that he was killing my love for him, and that I don't respect him when he yells at me. I don't think abusive people deserve respect! Abusive people might cause me to feel fear, but they will NEVER have my respect. I honestly feel like they deserve to know that they are completely unworthy of respect.