Is it normal to feel absolutely nothing
Ive had a rough time im not sure why. I shut down somehow and now I truly can feel nothing. I have even lost my identity and do not feel connected to my own self. I cut my hair to look like I used to because it suited me better and I thought if i'm prettier I will feel better but it did nothing. I feel nothing and had no reaction. Christmas came and I wasnt stressed as I always am, I was deathly calm. Christmas passed and I looked around and it was like a fog.
I try to think of how it felt and how it feels but I so much lack emotion that it scares me a little, and that slight worry is all I feel.
I am no longer even anxious about covid. I have tendency to get health anxiety so I had panic attacks over covid, but now I no longer care. I feel neutral about it. I've started having weird nightly experiences. I wake up and I feel lost or like I have sleep paralysis so vague I can barely remember them later.
I have half-awake dreams during which I am aware of my bed and my surrondings but at the same time i'm dreaming and I don't know what to make of it.
But mostly I have stopped dreaming. The dreams I do have are dark, very dark.
Not necessarily nightmares but they reek of agony and I feel terrified, I feel like i'm being warned or in danger. I wake up shaken and confused. Many dreams i've had lately have been so realistic and ordinary that I confuse them with reality sometimes, aside from minor details. Like in Inception when they have to change small details in their constructed dreamworlds.
Sometimes when i'm out I feel far from myself. Zoned out of my own existance and body, like walking in the air and not being in touch with the world around me. Like being stuck between life and death. I think back sometimes at a crucial moment right before the pandemic struck in 2020. I was on the bus on my way home from therapy and they had just changed the rut so the bus went past this street with houses. I noticed one house in particular and thought "how strange, i've never noticed that house. Maybe i've accidently entered an alternate dimension". I thought this as a joke as i'm a spiritual person and believe in the possibility of different dimensions co-existing so I sometimes make such jokes.
However it's funny how shortly after that reality as I knew it was never the same again. Nothing is. I haven't thought much about it previously but it has started to awaken a brooding fear within. I feel dead because i'm empty and everything is so chaotic and different. I notice too many weird signs too and strange things happening that not just I notice, everything is just strange all of a sudden.
Nothing makes any realistic sense and I have lost touch with everything