Is it normal to believe i'm cursed to be forced sex?

Molested as a child, sexually assaulted as a teen and raped as an adult. Multiple men on multiple occasions all through my lifetime. I must give off a vibe or maybe say or do the wrong thing to a men for them to think its ok to do stuff to me. Also I think I did something so bad in a past life or going to do something so bad later in life that I'm paying for it in advance. I don't know whats wrong with me. Everyone thinks I'm crazy and think I'm having dreams and nightmares from the one incident as a child by imaging all these different men and scenarios but I know this isn't the case. I see a therapist regularly as well and she thinks I'm suffering from ptsd and borderline personality disorder and that may be true but I know what's happening to me, but I don't understand why. Is this normal?

Is It Normal?
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  • I went through this. You have to force yourself to not think about it. I've convinced myself it never happened in a way. I never think about it

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  • Sounds normal based on what you have been through. That shit's rough.

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  • It sounds like you have a good therapist. I'm gonna reccomend a few good books.

    Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

    The Gift of Fear
    by Gavin de Becker

    I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
    by Hal Straus and Jerold Jay Kreisman

    Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
    by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

    Also I think you should checkout the twelve step programs:
    Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families
    and Codependents Anonymous

    https://adultchildren.org/

    http://coda.org/

    I strongly believe that you should take a break from dating, and avoid spending alone time with men for now.

    I also think that you should take some martial arts, or self defense classes.

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