Is it normal to..be upset with where a family member picked for dinner?

91% Normal
9 Comments

I have a family member graduating college next week. We're all going, and, like with everyone who graduates, go to dinner wherever the grad wants. In this case, however, the choice was not only notably expensive, but, mostly seafood, which I'm ok with but one other family member is highly allergic to, and another avoids it. Given that all of us are paying for everything, not the new grad for a thing, is it normal for me to be a little miffed or pissed at this?

Further, we know the family member will likely invite someone from their Greek frat/sorority, so..We'll be on the hook for that as well. Most of this family member's life, when we're honest and being frank, we've all said..Spoiled, and doesn't know the value of a dollar. And trust me, this person doesn't.

Problem, too, is..This person is very selfish and doesn't care; Is on a "life" and what it's all about kick. Which we all know is total crap and mainly avoidance of adulthood.

Do I have cause to be ticked about the dinner place? Should they have taken some consideration to other people?

Voting Results
91% Normal
Based on 11 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • _confused_
    5 years ago

    You're not annoyed by his way of celebrating you're annoyed by his personality. Simply don't go if you don't want to.

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  • Fugazi,again
    5 years ago

    So his family are taking him out for a meal to celebrate his graduation and you're upset because he chose somewhere fancy. What do you want him to pick? McDonald's?

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  • Boojum
    5 years ago

    I'm a firm believer that, although we can't pick our families, we do have the right to decide whether or not we spend time with them as adults.

    If the guy is an asshat user and you don't enjoy his company, then exercise your human right to not spend time in his company.

    You imply that you'll get flack from your family which has a "follow the herd" mentality, so you have to decide if the discomfort of that will be more or less than the annoyance you'll experience if you go along with the crowd.

    Venting anonymously on the internet - even if you end up with 100% of random strangers agreeing with you - won't change the asshat's behaviour or alter the enabling attitudes of your family. I think you need to ask yourself exactly whose life it is that you're living, anyway. Are you an individual, or are you just a member of the family herd?

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  • Nickvey
    5 years ago

    if it bothers you that badly , dont go. you could fein an illness, no one would be the wiser.

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  • Mehereok1
    5 years ago

    That part is a given, really..But, very difficult, in a close family where you're expected to do things, to bail out. And I really am annoyed by the choice of place and pricing. Just seems a bit arrogant to me that they'd expect the rest of us to not only accept it, but pay for our own plus theirs, and, likely..someone else.

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    • [Old Memory]
      5 years ago

      Why aren’t the parents “hosting” (paying)? That’s customary, not a pass the hat dinner.

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      • Mehereok1
        5 years ago

        They're divorced, and "dad" has tons of fkn moolah and won't partake, or at least, with everyone else. Long story on that. It's not even that I mind paying for mine and in for the new grad's; It's that I don't think new grad has any sense of money value, and that we all work hard for it. No respect for what we do to help. Very selfish and "This is where I want to go, screw everyone else" type thinking.

        I can't not go. One, we don't bail out of these things of importance. And two..Despite my being there for the new grad for 8 years after the parents divorced, we had a bit of a falling out 2 years ago and are only now starting to come back around. My not going would re-start the bad blood between us. No question there.

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        • [Old Memory]
          5 years ago

          The only thing you can do then is either estimate individual meal costs and contribute that way, or order expensive food/drinks and split it evenly. At least you’ll get your money’s worth. I would also lean over to the mom and ask how the grads guests are going to be covered.
          It should be figured out in advance and there’s nothing wrong with discussing that and finding out.
          The grad will find themselves in the real world soon enough, hopefully. Make sure they understand the dinner is your gift to them. “Congrats I hope you enjoyed the dinner”.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    Eh, go or don’t go. The person sounds like they’ll always be a pain in the rear.

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