Is it normal that my mother sabotages my diet?

I’m a grown woman but have been living with my mom for a couple years while straightening my life out from an addiction relapse. I’ve been sober about 16 months now, but as is typical, I’ve gained a lot of weight with covid just adding to the problem. My mom has never been shy about pointing out my extra weight. As a chubby child I remember many hurtful things she said to me. Growing up, drugs not only helped fill the void left from other bad experiences, it allowed me to get skinny very easily. Now, although she says she is supportive when I told her I was dieting and fasting 2 days a week, my mom intentionally brings home things that she knows I typically crave. She even leaves it out on the counter not in the cabinet! She is dieting too so you’d think she would understand. She has a tendency to gloat about things when she thinks I’m wrong or push my buttons about political events I don’t want to happen. As a child, she seemed like she was very jealous of the time my father spent with me and he and I were very alike. He eventually died from complications surrounding diabetes and I remember how she would continue to feed him terrible things like waffles and sweets even when he was bedridden and a double amputee. Wow, this is sounding more psycho by the minute. Thanks for reading.

Voting Results
8% Normal
Based on 12 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • CountessDouche

    That's a really awful situation, and I'm so sorry you're going through that.

    You have to understand that, when leaving behind an addiction...

    (and that's what junk food really IS- it is specifically designed in chemistry labs, I shit you not, to have the exact right balance of salt/sugar/fat to create a powerful chemical response in the brain like a drug, without being satiating or filling so you eat more and more...pretty fucked)

    ...when leaving behind an addiction and trying to better yourself, it's very, very, extremely common for people to feel like they are being 'sabatoged' by loved ones and friends.

    It's a two part thing. They are still knee deep in their own addiction, so you admonishing the addictive behavior feels like a personal attack on their life choices. Also, they compartmentalize the addictive behavior...think about it, when you eat some candy, you don't think of it as a collective choice leading to bad consequences; you don't think of it as part of the big picture, you just think of it as one candy bar. That's normal. So when your mom is telling you to have one bag of chips, she's thinking about it as a one off, like an alcohoic's drinking buddy might think 'one beer' is no biggie. She hasn't gotten to the stage where she sees it as a part of a giant trajectory of bad life choices...it's just a few doritos to her. That's how people justify unhealthy behaviour to themselves. Just this once!

    I'd encourage you to talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel, and tell her that you really struggle with controlling yourself. Maybe ask her to provide you with a LIMITED amount of time in a household free of foods that you struggle with.

    The reason I say limited is because...

    You need to eventually, once you kick the worst of the cravings and temptations, you need to eventually live in a world where the junk food is around. Because it IS there in the real world. It will be available. It will be in your face. You will have access to it. You're not gonna be living on a lesbian commune where there's only fresh herbs and homegrown radishes and roasted beets...you will have to say no to junk food if you want to eat healthy. And if you have a sustainable healthy diet, you should eat junk food sometimes, in reasonable portions and in a way that fits your diet. Eating healthy doesn't mean you never get to eat pizza or chips ever again. It means you have a healthy relationship with food and that means having access to junky food and learning how to say no sometimes. I think you'll get there once you step away from the habit.

    Once you do, having access to that type of food is actually helpful, not harmful. What you need to do, is ask her for a month or two where she puts it out of sight, and then slowly incorporates it back. If she's resistant, be VERY open about how you feel. Talk about your dad if you need to. Tell her you want to spend time with her learning to cook some healthy recipes you found. Mom's love that shit.

    You'll be ok. Just talk, without attacking her.

    In the meantime, if you're struggling reddits r/loseit is a pretty good resource. Lots of people in the same boat as you with family & they just advocate calorie tracking, which includes occasional junk food. Might be helpful.

    Anyway, good luck & I hope you can work things out with your mom

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  • Wow! ur mom is extremely jealous of you. Maybe its because ur father spent more time with you than her. Cut all ties if you can.

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    • Throwingknives13

      Unfortunately I had to move In with her last time I screwed my life up

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  • bakubabe

    No, that's not normal. She's setting you up for failure, and it sounds like she was very toxic to you, even at a young age (I'm getting this from her being jealous of you and your father's relationship). Also, her feeding your father sweets as a diabetic sounds to me like she didn't care for him very much (this is just to me, it could be entirely wrong). I'd say move out as soon as possible and try to get out as much as possible (I know this is hard with quarantine, but I feel you definitely should try).

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  • Tommythecaty

    She’s quite the prankster

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  • 1WeirdGuy

    Have you told her to not bring home that crap?

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    • Throwingknives13

      She knows what she’s doing

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      • 1WeirdGuy

        You should be vocal about it and tell her to stop. Its fucked up. Hopefully she will listen to reason if you bring it up enough.

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        • Throwingknives13

          It’s kind of too late I mean she’s 82. I just wonder what other people’s patents are like. I mean I’m not the best one either just bc I’ve struggled with addiction
          And bipolar disorder but I try to have insight when I’m doing well

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          • 1WeirdGuy

            My parents are batshit insane. My mom would do the same stuff. Shes obsessed with food its about all she talks about and wants everyone to "try it"

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            • Throwingknives13

              Yeah I could be having the best or worst day of my life and my mom would find some way to make eating the damn most important 30 min of the day.

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  • xeus

    Maybe try to talk about this with her?

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  • Sanara

    Id say move out of that house as soon as you can, and if you aren't currently limited by quarantine spend most of your time outside that house.

    By the way maybe learning to cook better can help, you may not be as tempted to eat unhealthy food if you can have healthy foods that also taste delicious

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