Is it normal that my mom doesn't want me to get a job?

I am an adult, and my mom still doesn't want me to get a job. When I tell her I applied for a job, she gets mad. She asks me how am I going to get there, what hours, says I won't be able to do it, I don't have the personality, the skills, etc. I have no luck getting hired so far but I have a degree albeit in a social science. I do struggle a lot with social anxiety and I've been isolated for a long time, so I am kind of scared, but I know I need to do this.

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Comments ( 12 )
  • bbrown95

    I think it's very odd that your mom is against you getting a job, as you'll need one at some point or another and it's better to start sooner rather than later. Does she seem to be upset about the fact that you're no longer a child? I think some parents take it hard when they realize their kids are no longer children,
    and no longer dependent on them. Do you think she might be afraid you'll eventually move out and spend less time with her?

    I think the best thing for social anxiety is typically to get out into the world and socialize, which a job would help with. In my opinion, that's typically the only way to get past it (as well as the only thing that worked for me). So, I think you're correct that it's something you need to do, and hopefully there's a way you can convince your mom of this.

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  • rockyrocks

    i have the same issue with my dad. refuses to take me there, discourages me and tells me how terrible people will be to me, plays into my anxiety to scare me... he does this because my mom left, and 2 of his kids moved out, so he doesn't wanna be alone.

    he's scared of me moving out, so is keeping me from progressing. it might be a similar feeling from her, where she wants to keep you forever

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    • Yeah, I think this is it. I am the last child and everyone else is out of the house and two live in other states. She admits she's scared of being old and alone.

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    • rockyrocks

      now reading this back someone might interpret that i'm defending this behavior. no, it's immature and selfish. this isn't normal

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  • Grunewald

    Adult as in 20 or adult as in 30?

    If adult as in 30, then this really isn't normal. My mother low-key did what yours did with my now 30 yo brother. At the moment he's working from home (her home). It was understandable at first but now I just look at him sometimes and think 'do you realise what you are settling for?'

    I still feel exactly the same way about it as I did before he started his working-from-home job. He's acquiring new skills, but the lack of change in circumstances or any need to adapt and survive has not taught him how to live. If he were separated from his mother, who cleans up after him, cooks for him, washes his clothes and arranges his medical and dental appointments, I fear that he might end up living in a stinking pile of trash, only wash his clothes for Tinder dates, consume little except takeout, coke and Red Bull; only brush his teeth before sexy time or visits from relatives, and have no hope of getting a dentist's appointment after being struck off multiple lists for non-attendance. He needed his twenties to learn by his mistakes in these areas because Mum's endless provision has taught him nothing - and I sense this not just because of how he acts when she is home but also because I have seen how he lives when I'm visiting and our parents are on holiday. I'm not tarring you both with the same brush intentionally (more like just ranting) but if your mum does everything for you, you need to make sure you get these skills from somewhere if she's not going to let you develop them.

    It may be hard for your mum to let you spread your wings if she's dealing with the fear of 'losing' you once you become independent, but the fact is, you're not her property, carer, indentured servant or some kind of pet. You're an individual and entering the world of work is part of growing as a person. You need your space to do that. If you aren't a student and aren't too mentally or physically unwell to build a life for yourself without living with your mother, I think it's going to be good for you. Getting a job is the first step to getting your independence - so defy your mother and do it, because it's your right.

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    • Like early 20s.

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      • Grunewald

        Well... that's not too old then I guess. Your mum needs to let go eventually, for your own good.

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  • normal-rebellious

    This isn't normal, it's infantilisation, your mother's treating you like a child, she's insecure how old you are, does she call you a boy, or a baby? I rest my case, you have an insecure mother.

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  • Ummitsstillme

    This sounds like every seriel killer origin story. You seriously need to seperate yourself from your mom-post haste- and me your own man.

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  • litelander8

    10 years ago I worked waiting tables with a girl who couldn’t talk to people. 4 years later she was doing porn.

    People change.

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  • kikilizzo

    Sounds pretty normal to me

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  • 1WeirdGuy

    You need to get a job itll be good for you.

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