Is it normal that my bf will go to his exgf's grandma's funeral without me?

Tldr; tomorrow bf is going to his exgf's grandma's funeral with a friend of ours; she doesnt want me to be there bc she will feel uncomfortable, but she wants my bf to be there and had no issue with having our friend there. I feel left out but at the same time i feel i should let it pass.

My boyfriend and I started our relationship 8 years ago while he was still with his gf; he basically cheated on her with me.
Within all these years, I haven't been able to totally get over that while we weren't a couple but he told me "i will always be loyal to you" and we had already kissed, he went to her state with the excuse that he would be buying a cat and fucked her. I mean he did was getting a cat but as he has explained, he thought we couldnt be a couple bc my dad talked to him before making threats to him; i was 14 by the way.
Recently I talked to her after all these years bc she was talking to him and I thought well she better be getting used to me if she wants to be around him. She even said before she wanted to meet our kids if we eventually had.
At the beginning it was fine, but i wanted to talk about what happened just to get over it and at the beginning she was like "nah that was a long time ago, don't worry" etc but then when we got to talk about her talking to my bf "secretly" she got all like she just wanted to be his friend and didn't want things to be tense etc and then went with her family (her mom, grandmother and sister) to humiliate me. I know this bc she talked to my boyfriend later on messenger and told him this. She was also trying to humiliate me with him and got all passive aggresive; my boyfriend was defending me and trying to explain her we all needed to get over all of this. She said she had bigger problems and didnt care about us, and blocked both of us. XD

2 weeks later... she calls my boyfriend crying telling him her grandmother passed away. She tells him they are going to come to our city (where we all met) to cremate her grandma. She wanted him to be there, and well he did had a good relationship with his family so i was like okay. But then, she said she didn't want me there because she wasn't going to be comfortable talking to him about her issues. (She thinks I never saw their conversations)

For context, he left her bc she cheated on him several times and she took him for granted... basically.

So, a friend of us is also going (she said he could be there but not me (???, even tho she expects to meet our future kids??). I trust both of them, but i don't trust her.
We also had the theory she was doing witchcraft on him out of revenge.

Now, i'm feeling like this isn't right. Like I shouldn't be left out but at the same time i don't want to be selfish, because the main reason she is coming is for her grandma's death.

I feel confused but at the same time I just want to stop thinking about it and let it pass; but at the same time i don't know if this is the kind of situations where i should be defensive.

Help me i dont know what to feel other than anxious. If something isn't clear please ask.

Is It Normal?
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  • This is a perfect post for the Reddit sub AITA (Am I the Asshole?) Take it there with a throwaway account, you'll get many more answers than here.

    I don't know what to say to you. I could tell you a story that is similar and just as convoluted, but I won't. Just a summary: I was the ex who was friends with the boyfriend. The girlfriend added me on FB and we spoke a bit. I was fine with it and I thought she was great, but HE was the one who was my friend. Because of that alone (my not being actual friends with her) I wouldn't want her at my grandma's funeral either.

    In the end she got him to stop talking to me, they got married, she ripped up the pictures of us she found, then got divorced, and I never became close with him again. We haven't spoken in years but I love him still, as a person with whom I had a deep emotional connection - as just a great friend, despite having been in a romantic relationship previously. I had no romantic feelings anymore and hopefully your boyfriend's ex doesn't either, in which case you should not take it personally.

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    • Thank you, this gave me some perspective. And I respect that she doesn't want me there, I didn't want to be there either to begin with because it would be very awkward for everyone including me, with her family and all XD but what she said about why she didn't want me there, made me think she had other intentions. Anyways, I think I'll just stay outside since we have plans for later that day
      Thank you again for answering, made me feel a little less confused.

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  • Once a cheater always a cheater.

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