Is it normal that i don't hate my rapist?

62% Normal
22 Comments

When I was 15, I was raped on my way home from school. At the time I was terrified, and it was painful, and it still makes me nervous to think about it. But if I could meet the guy today, I don't think I'd be mad. I don't think I could be. I'd just want to know why. Is there something wrong with me, should I feel differently?

EDIT: In response to the people questioning how I feel in terms of sexuality. I tend to avoid sexual situations, most likely because of this. I've had boyfriends in the past, but never had sex with any of them. I've been told that I need to move past this, but I don't know if I can. It doesn't feel right. It feels dirty.

Voting Results
62% Normal
Based on 39 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 22 )
  • bulbasaur64
    6 years ago | pl

    People respond to traumatic situations in a lot of different ways. There's no right or wrong response.

    I'm sorry that happened to you.

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  • nikkiclaire
    6 years ago

    Some form of Stockholm syndrome where hostages feel empathy for their captors. It seems to be a normal coping and survival mechanism.

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  • MR.mr
    6 years ago

    I get it.
    Enough time has past you're no longer angry, just confused.
    Wondering why me. it's not so much about anger or sadness anymore you just want to understand why.

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  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    Angry or not, he still deserves punishment.

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  • AmbitiousPrincess
    6 years ago

    Well done you! This is normal for you and also a great thing. Harbouring hatred is draining and could have a knock on effect on you. The fact that you want to understand what's happened is a normal reaction. Well done

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    • Pseodonihm
      6 years ago

      How did this post get a negative reaction. It's the best one here. She said almost exactly what I would say.

      OP it sounds as if you have moved through this traumatic incident and have become a stronger person because of it. I'm sorry it had to happen to you, but hate is a poison. And that poison is not in you anymore.

      Just a suggestion, it's nothing you have to do. But you should talk to others about your experience. There are many who could learn from you. Many who could use your strength. Some people aren't as strong as you and could use your help.

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  • pimpjuicy
    6 years ago

    Do you get turned on by the thought of it?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      No. This isn't one of those posts.

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      • pimpjuicy
        6 years ago

        Sorry. It's just that I can't think of any other reason you wouldn't be mad at him

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        • AmbitiousPrincess
          6 years ago

          Disgusting tramp

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          • pimpjuicy
            6 years ago

            Oh and you're a princess are you?

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            • [Old Memory]
              6 years ago

              Responding to certain illicit posts in such a manner is one thing, but when sexualizing it when a person is legitimately asking for an opinion after she's been raped is quite low. Tale a look at yourself some time and try to fix yourself please.

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  • NashamaTheWeird
    6 years ago

    Different people react in different ways to trauma. One way is with emotional numbness, where your brain shuts out feelings that you can't handle, including anger. This is a common response, everybody deals with things differently.

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  • Thorolf21
    6 years ago

    I would if it were me, honestly. But I'm not you. I suppose rape fucks a person in the head pretty effectively so it makes sense that your feelings might be illogical.

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  • CreamPuffs
    6 years ago

    As long as you are aware that he was 100% to blame and that such actions are inexcusable, it's fine for you to feel this way. Clearly it's been a long time so your anger has cooled naturally.

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  • Murun
    6 years ago

    Some people are good at dealing with unpleasant things. It's a useful skill! I think you're one of those people.

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  • stiiiger
    6 years ago

    It's normal for you. Don't hate yourself about it.

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  • LackOfSand
    6 years ago

    I was raped when I was 7, and to be honest..I don't hate him either. Not anymore. I don't remember much other than flashed of being scared, confused and in pain. He threatened me that if I tell anyone they will blame me and that I was at fault, and being a young little girl without brains I didn't. I only spoke of it when I was 13, a year after getting my first period, but he was already in jail. (Have a wild guess for what, lol. He sure loved children)

    I was angry. Not immediately, after years. When I first had sex..something quickly influenced my sexuality, turned me submissive/a little masochistic, and after that happened, my hatred was relieved. That is a way of coping- sexual deviants in the BDSM spectrum are all mechanisms of coping.

    Nobody has exactly the same coping mechanisms. And as long as the coping mechanism isn't self-defeating (example: smoking, drinking, abuse of drugs), then your coping mechanism is all good. It's normal.

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    • NormalIsAsNormalDoes
      6 years ago

      No judgment here. I am just curious. You're saying that being submissive in sex helped relieve (or it seems dissipated) your anger from being raped? How is this so? Any place I can read more about this?

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      • LackOfSand
        6 years ago

        https://www.google.ro/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/standard-deviations/201610/bdsm-harm-reduction%3Famp

        BDSM used to be in DSM-V (lol- Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders), until it was actually shown that as long as it stays out of the pathological spectrum, it has positive mental benefits.

        For my own case, it helped me turn trauma into something enjoyable- and even making fun of yourself/your problems is a healthy emotional-centered coping mechanism. Such is BDSM.

        By "pathology" I mean actual damage (inflicted on someone or self-inflicted) for a period of at least 6 months. To give an example on the pathological spectrum- a woman enjoys being choked until she passes out everytime she has sex. And she does so for 6 months with her partner, and this leads tooo- have a wild guess? Low blood pressure and heart problems. In this case both partners are in the pathological spectrum.

        It's hard to generalize in psychology. You can easily do that in chemistry, for example- you've seen a carbon atom, you've seen them all. Can't do the same for humans. Firstly there is needed to have particular theories(two, for example), and you can make a bridge and generalize on the two, as Tesla did in physics. But it's harder to do so in psychology, so don't take only my own experience as representative, just take these as particular cases. And studies did generalize on these particularities, using various scales and randomized samples- showing that it is actually healthy.

        I suggest reading a little about coping mechanisms, basic psychology,experimental statistics and methodology in data analysis so you can read actual research papers, not media bs. Afterwards, open google academic and researchgate to crack studies, research and meta-analysis that isn't free, and you're good to go.

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        • NormalIsAsNormalDoes
          6 years ago

          Thanks for the info

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