Is it normal that everyone is trying to take advantage of my short term memory?

33% Normal

I really need help because I'm starting to look like an idiot to everyone and it's making my anxiety worse.

I have really bad social memory. Meaning I'm not good at spelling or talking or remembering anything regarded in the social manner. I study engineering so memory with numbers and logic is actually really good for some reason.

So this past month when I told my friends about my problem and I think they're starting to take advantage of it. I only told them about my shitty memory so they would stop calling me a ditz and dummy.

So long story short I've already have one good friend messege me something really sexual he'd do to me if he saw me today, like actual sexual assualt. And then he changed the convo talking about my exes. I'll 90% sure I'll forget about this whole convo within a day or two and he knows that. And another good friend who actually wants me to be his girlfriend who's actually really sweet makes me repeat facts about my self like my background and what I study, I only noticed since I have a diary now and when I was reading over it I noticed I had 3 entities talking about having a nice time with my friend and telling him stuff about my self. And I found out another friend has made two contacts and added me on Instagram with his two accounts. And I keep forget that they both belong to him and said the wrong thing to his second account thinking it's a new friend.
Even my latest ex never used my shitty memory against me, I don't think he has and he keeps telling me he wouldn't. And made me feel better when he tells me all the things he forgets about all the time.
But he was abusive but he's really sorry and checks up on me from now to then because I also suffer from depression.

This is really shocking and I don't know what to do, I already have anxiety so this is making me not want to go out anymore and I'm starting to ignore my phone now, even of friends who I think haven't used me. Because I can't really remember who else is wronging me. I had to note down this shit to remember who was doing what...

Sorry for the wall of text but I really appreciate any advice or any other comment just need help or is there a way to improve my memory? I have a dairy but it's a bit too long to read it now every other day in the morning when I get up.

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33% Normal

Based on 15 votes (5 yes)

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Comments ( 30 )

paramore93

6 years ago

Do you have some kind of disorder or like a reason why your memory might be this bad?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  I'm not sure, my phycologist said it might be from past trauma.
  But I've always had bad memory I even remember having bad memory when I was 10 I had to ask my friend 3 times how she was yesterday because I kept forgetting what she did when she was talking about it with others. That really pissed her off, but I didn't even realise that I asked her that many times.
  But it has gotten worse.
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    6 years ago
    
    May be adhd. I have it and i have the same problem with my short term.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      6 years ago
      
      What do you have trouble remembering?
      
      I've been tested for that disorder and came out as not a close enough match. I barely shared any symptoms with ADHD.
      And they couldn't figure out why I had no problems remembering maths and other stem subjects, and etc.
      But when it came to reading, writing or socialising it was very weak.
      
      Short term memory is only effecting specific things for some reason. And while others are not effected they have a chance to turn into long term memory. I even tutor my sister in Maths and other stem subject, my memory in that area is above average.
      
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S12207

6 years ago

There's a ton of things you can do to help with your memory and know that it will take a little time. Meditation-stress and anxiety will aid in memory loss, eating healthy organic non-gmo foods and try to stay away from carbs/sugars, brain exercises-crossword puzzlesreading, writing, and etc. I had chemotherapy when I was young and my brain was seriously fried after that and after doing all of these things my brain functioned better than it ever did. Good luck!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  Okay thanks sounds really hopeful!
  This modivated me to continue to look for and try some new methods, it's slow amd a bit difficult but hopefully I'll see some improvement in my memory over time, so I'm going to keep going.
  Thank you for the advice, and I'm glad you got through that chemotherapy, your a real inspiration for me.
  Thank you again, and wish you all the best to come.
  
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  - S12207
    
    6 years ago
    
    Thank you, that means alot! Good luck with everything. 😊
    
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Boojum

6 years ago

This is all really screwed-up.

What you're talking about is like a visually-disabled person having "friends" who deliberately steer them into walls or swimming pools, or a deaf person having "friends" who make fun of their disability or mock them right in front of their face.

Whatever other problems you may have, you clearly have huge difficulties finding decent human beings to spend your time with, and the standards you set for the title of "friend" are extremely low.

To start with the least of the four evils, "Friend" 4 sounds like she's simply stupid and insensitive. To use the same parallel I did above, she's like someone who meets someone who's deaf, and then says in her ear, "Can you hear this?" and when the deaf person can't, goes on to shout louder and louder. You've said you have memory problems. A real friend with any intelligence would simply accept this and take it into account in future, not poke and prod and test you.

"Friend" 3 is either a malicious toad or incredibly immature. Probably both.

"Friend" 2 - the one you say is "sweet" - who repeatedly asks you the same questions may just be happy to find someone he can talk to, since his conversational skills are crap. Or there may be something more malicious going on. From what you say, it's hard to tell.

"Friend" 1 was never a real friend - he's just an assclown you happened to meet and who latched on to you for his own purposes.

I hate to say this, but you are the perfect victim. Inadequate, manipulative, vicious people can attach themselves to you, learn how to make you do what they want, get their sick, immature kicks, and then come back tomorrow to repeat or escalate.

But really - not everyone is like that. The world is full of wonderful, caring people. Yet somehow you seem to have picked a set of damaged, immature, manipulative people as your "friends".

I don't know how you're going to do it, but you need to find decent human beings to be real friends with. True friends care about each other and look out for each other. Someone who's visually disabled knows that a real friend will help them cope with a world designed for sighted people. A real friend would steer you away from people who want to use and abuse you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  Thank you for the insight for each of my "friends", yeah you're right don't think I should be calling them that anymore.
  
  Yes I'm actually under the uni special needs group for support. So in a way what they're doing is really sad and makes my life much more difficult and miserable.
  I shouldn't have told them about my memory but I wanted the name calling to stop.
  And yeah he can be sweet but I don't know he's true intentions either. He was getting frustrated with me the other day when I tried to play overwatch with him, I had forgotten alot of basic stuff like navigating on my account and adding friends or customising characters, he got fed up with helping me and swore and quit the game. Took me a week to download the game too since I kept forgetting, but he was really patient with me for that. But even my family gets frustrated trying to help me sometimes so can't blame him.
  I talked to him today and noted down second time he told me I was mean to him one day. And I apologized but I can't remember and when I ask he doesn't tell me what I said. Just says don't worry about it I still love you. So yeah he's a true mystery.
  
  Yeah really sad how friend 1 turned out he was there when my ex was getting abusive with me. And he helped to stop it. Really surprised and hurt he's doing this...
  
  They seemed nice at the beginning, but yeah guess I suck at picking friends and partners...
  
  Yeah my mum wants me to try and make some new friends at church (new church and youth group) But I don't know.
  Hope I can meet some nice people soon, I really need a break from this crazy situation they keep putting me in almost everyday. Yeah I have met a nice friend who did help me alot but she's sadly in Spain now. Funny since she love to talk to me, and she doesn't mind me repeating my self at all. Also 1 online friend who I've been talking to for a year now. He's very nice and kind and helps to remind me of things and both of them don't even know about my condition but I think they figured it out.
  
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GeekZ

6 years ago

Its normal for me. It is an everyday life experience. Don't feel bad. I can't remember a name face or much else. Yet I have a high iq. I don't even recognize my own partner.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  How do you cope? I have a note pad to keep track of important things people say or info on them, I called it social hw.
  Yeah I get As in all my classes and I enjoy Maths. Even help people in my classes but can't seem to keep the good ones as friends.
  Yeah I forgot my exes name like everyday and can't really remember what he looks like now only hair and eye colour I think? And even my friends again today forgot most of their names, but luckily I record them down in my phone contact already with names and pictures. But visual memory is worse for mum, social memory is my main weakness. But neither are even close to average.
  So good to meet someone I can relate to, I feel releave that I'm not the only one who's going through this.
  
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Caesar009

6 years ago

"Hi, I'm Dory.... I suffer from Short term remembory loss"

I'm not a philosopher, or know how to write long comments but I gotta say those people are wrong, anybody who's taking advantage of your problem are idiot and moron themselves.. I would hug you for all you've been through, be yourself don't pay attention to what they say, it would only hurt more... Leave them if you're hurt. and please be very very careful choosing friends, there are more snakes disguised as friends, around us these days. Plus, don't forget there are various ways to improve short term memory aswell try them out, I hope you'll benefit .. God bless you

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  Lol...
  I don't mind Dory, but didn't watch the new one.
  
  Yeah you can't really pick your friends not everyone wants to be friends with me. I just stick with who ever I get along with and I do leave them if their mean right off the bat. They weren't so bad in the beginning just teasing like friends normally do. Thought they'd be more surportive when I told them about my condition that's all.
  I'm already started to cut off contact with friend 1 and 3. I did have really nice friends but they moved or are too busy with work and life. I do contact them but takes a while for a reply.
  Thank you! Yes I'm going to be more careful now, one friend is enough for me anyway. I'm more happy anyway with one really good friend. Yeah I'll Google some methods and see if I can improve it. God bless you too I really appreciate your input.
  
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rayb12

6 years ago

People who do this, are not good friends. If you can remember long enough to write down, and practice writing down, your 'memory' then (brain+diary) is actually stronger than 'regular'.

This is a brilliant strategy you thought of and now you know who is trying to manipulate and in my opinion who to cut out!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  Oh thank you.
  That made me feel less self conscious about it.
  
  Yeah and "friend 1" is definitely not a friend anymore, I'm scared he might try to sexual assualt me in real life.
  
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  - rayb12
    
    6 years ago
    
    No prob! I'm glad to head that. Yeah that's the main one I was concerned about.
    
    Soon you will be surrounded by the people who will support and encourage you. As you deserve!
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      6 years ago
      
      Thank you!And I wish the same to you too.
      Hopefully I'll meet nice and supportive people like you guys.
      Everyone been so supportive and kind so far here.
      
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      - rayb12
        
        6 years ago
        
        Thank you! :) :)
        
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GeekyGold

6 years ago

That's seriously not cool especially since they are your friends. Look as soon as you realize they are taking advantage of you, you should have dropped them out of your life. You can make new friends who will actually treat you like you deserve.

I suggest you should keep a notepad with you and write down important things and what those "friends" of your do on it. So when you are with a friend you can look at it to remind yourself of the stuff that happened before. But don't tell them about it it should only be for you to know about. You can just write the date and what happened between you and someone and key points about it. I also recommend just to only tell people who are very close to you about your memory. Instead of just normal friends to avoid problems like what you are dealing with now.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  I remember what it was. He'd make me tell him constantly what my first ex did to me, with the physical abuse and sexual assualt. Then he'd act all supportive after while I cried. I didn't even realise how many times he made me do that. Also said in my dairy that he told me he had a fetish for crying or physical weak/sick people and he also stated on another day that he had no problem telling me since I'll probably forget about it tomorrow...
  
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  - Boojum
    
    6 years ago
    
    Shit! That is seriously messed up. Like highly manipulative psychopath-level messed up.
    
    He knowingly pushed buttons to make you feel miserable and worthless just to get his kicks. Only someone with zero empathy could do that.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      6 years ago
      
      Yeah it is.
      I've accidently let him back into my life he checks up on me almost daily now, to make sure I'm okay.
      He was really sorry like almost crying, apologizing for things he's done, even things I haven't recorded down in my dairy and can't recall now...(only wrote he apoligized for alot of stuff I forgot about) But I can forget easly, but don't know if I should forgive... He's the only one who checks up on me, maybe I need to find another support for my physical and mental health.
      
      Only problem is he knows where I live and he wouldn't leave me alone when I broke up with him. He threatened to spread my personal info and things I've kept secret from friends and family. But if he's really changed maybe he wouldn't do that now.
      
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  The problem is I barely have any friends and it's hard for me to make new ones. People find it hard remembering new names I can't even remember who the person is if I only met them once.I might remember their face at first but everything else about them has holes in it.
  Even for got my friend's name yesterday the one who likes me. I've been friends with him for almost 2 months now...
  
  And thank you so much for the tips! I really appreciate it. I'll start making one now and go through my dairy. And yes good point I'll keep this secret.
  
  But is it okay to tell my significant other? My first ex found it really annoying how I forgot simple things and important to things too and that made him treat me like a child. I told my last ex because he kept belittling me about my intelligence and was baffled when I forgot about something really important I told him. Um think it was something heavy which he also used against me, I forgot how mean he was to me. I'm so glad I thought of writing a dairy.
  
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  - GeekyGold
    
    6 years ago
    
    You can tell your significant other as long as you really trust them. See I learned the hard way to be careful about who you trust and what you trust them with. I was betrayed by my own "best friend" in high school and it changed me a little bit on the inside when it comes to trust.
    
    That's why I said don't tell your friends, you never know if they go as far as taking the notepad when you're not looking so you'll think you lost it or forget about it. There are many bad people in this world that come in all shapes, sizes and wear all kinds of mask. If they would easily take advantage of your memory then don't trust them with anything else. I know I might be over thinking it that's an issue of mine, but it's never bad to be careful.
    
    It's really up to you who you tell but I really recommend to keep the group small and to think twice. Either way good luck I hope things go well for you.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      6 years ago
      
      Yeah you're right I do trust people too much and then I get hurt. Sadly there are too many, wish I knew all the kind ones.
      Yeah I don't mind having one good friend, like I used to in primary school.
      That's true I wouldn't be surprised anymore if they tried that.
      I'll started taking notes on them and I guess the best way to cut of contact is to slowly stop seeing them and ignore their calls and texts.
      
      Thank you I hope the best for you too in years to come.
      
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Anonymous Post Author

6 years ago

If TL;TR:

Friend 1 texts disgusting sexual shit to me knowing I'll forget about it.

Friend 2 (who wants to be my bf): Makes me repeat personal info about my self.

Friend 3: Made 2 or more accounts to confuse me since I can't Remeber which ones. And noting doesn't help since he changes the names from time to time. Even on his main account.

Friend 4: keeps trying to get me to remember things we've done together. And I just can't but she won't stop and for the whole damn day she keeps asking if I remember random things.

My Ex: and that ex I was talking about yeah I think he has used my shitty memory against me I just found an diary entry where he changed his profile picture to his best friends and he got a few of his other friends to do the same thing (was a dog picture) and I accidently said stuff to his friends in group chat. Even when they had different names...

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- insanebotv21
  
  6 years ago
  
  Try something simple that might help: look around a route you take daily, and try to notice something new or something that has changed on that route each day. It helps with focus and memory in general. It might help you to do this with people and names.
  
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    6 years ago
    
    Okay thanks for the tip!
    Like building up muscle memory or something like that?
    Yeah that would help me with navigating in general I've forgotten how to get home sometimes if I don't constantly take a route for a while, even if I'm a few blocks away.
    
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    - insanebotv21
      
      6 years ago
      
      Yeah. I know how to get places but if you asked for directions or road names I'd be completely lost; I know what you mean lol.
      
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Kevinevan

6 years ago

You still haven't paid me back that $100 you owe me.

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal that everyone is trying to take advantage of my short term memory?