Is it normal my date rejected me for having ”too good connection to my parents”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a mama’s boy. I moved out years ago when I started university.

I do however visit my parents often (about once per week) as they are getting old and honestly, I have nothing better to do so why not? I don’t have any siblings so I see it as my responsibility to check up on them from time to time.

I did however date a girl lately that really didn’t like the “too good connection between me and my parents”, even though I moved out a decade ago and I have been running my own household ever since.

I also have a stable job and everything else that an independent man should have, except for a dog. I should get one at some point. 😛

Now to the question:
Do you see anything abnormal here? I don’t fully understand the basis of the rejection.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 19 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Unless your parents were rude to her I would say good riddance to her, if someone wants to cut you off from family and friends that’s a huge red flag.

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  • Maybe she has issues with her parents and was jealous of your relationship with yours.

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    • Definitely could be this.

      I have really shit parents and barely communicate with them, my husband has a great relationship with his parents. When we first started dating I found myself thinking it was weird that he visited them so much, called them, said nice things about them etc. I told myself it was because he was weird and "overly attached" but I very quickly realised that the problem was just that I didn't understand, because I never had that kind of relationship with my parents. Once I addressed the issue the jealous feelings went away. Now I just feel lucky that I have such nice in-laws. A lot of people aren't that lucky.

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    • Could be.

      I do however suspect that she may had thought that I’d be under their influence in terms of decision making (which isn’t the case).

      That’s my best guess.

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      • So she's one of those people who leaps to firm conclusions about people and their relationships before she has much information.

        Not really someone you want to be with, so no loss.

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      • That's a possibility.

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    • That's what I'm thinking.

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  • Fuck that. I find good relations with parent endearing.

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  • Forget about her. You probably dodged a bullet.

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  • I moved to the other side of the globe when I was 20, the last time I visited my family was in 1987, and in the decades since, I saw my late mother and two of my seven siblings twice. So I'm definitely not close to my family in any sense.

    Having said that, if your relationship with your parents is indeed how you describe, I see nothing weird or unhealthy about it

    So, it seems to me that the woman's judgement is all about her, not you. Maybe her family is manipulative, clingy or abusive. Maybe she has had very unpleasant experiences with guys who placed a higher priority on keeping their mother happy than paying any attention to her. Maybe she grew up watching how one or both sets of her grandparents screwed up her parents' relationship. Or maybe she's a narcissistic psychopath, and once she learned about your closeness to your parents, she understood that it might be difficult for her to isolate you from them so she would be free to manipulate and use you.

    In any case, it's just her opinion and it has no real significance outside the bounds of her skull.

    Finally, it's actually pretty stupid of her to think this way. I do accept that mothers-in-law can be a serious negative force on relationships, but I'm sure I've read that studies have found that men who have an emotionally mature, positive, mutually-respectful relationship with their mother make much better husbands and fathers.

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  • Huge red flag. She is probably one of those people who can't stand to be the center of attention at all times, and the only person in their partner's life, or she could possibly be a very manipulative person (and they tend to want their partners completely isolated to anyone but them; gives them more control). The trash took itself out.

    I had an ex start trying to get me to cut off friends, which I'm sure would've eventually moved onto family if I would've allowed it, and luckily I kicked him to the curb before he got a chance. I've also seen a close friend's partner isolate her from her family and everyone she knew as well, and he was a very controlling and even dangerous person.

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  • She probably just doesn't want to be dragged to your family's every week. That would be my exact thinkjng on it

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    • Nah, I go alone and only when I have time.

      I do try to check on them weekly if time allows. Sometimes I don’t have time though (on rare occasions).

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  • That is a massive red flag!

    If any date of mine has a problem with the relationship I have with my parents, she can go and jump off a cliff!

    I do have a very close relationship with my parents. I love them dearly and will always be at their side. I may be a business owner and car salesman, but I'm also their boy.

    And I see nothing demeaning, or negative in that. I was lucky enough to have a good relationship with my parents. Maybe your girlfriend has had a bad relationship with hers, but if she can't accept you and your family, well... she should go.

    To me there is nothing more sacred than the relationship between a child and his parents. Women come and go, but mom and dad are one of a kind.

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  • She wants to manipulate you at some point and your parents’ influence would disrupt that process.

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  • Sounds normal to me. It probably depends a bit on your and your parents age, I guess, but yeah - perhaps it would be worth a try to explain to the girl why you do.

    Personally I don't see anything wrong in visiting your parents, especially if they're towards the "older" side of their age.

    I pretty much used to visit mine every week or 2nd week back when I lived in the same country as them. After a while it just got a bit tedious, so I ended up "limiting" it to mainly once a month unless it was a special occasion, so that I could just relax on the most weekends after a week of work.

    But if you live not too far and they're getting older, then it's totally understandable that you would visit them frequently.. after all they were taking care of you for years, so the least you can do is to visit them..

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  • That just sucks.
    I personally I would want my boyfriend or girlfriend to have a wonderful relationship with their parents and rest of the family.
    When I go to meet their parents, I suspect my boyfriend/girlfriend to get a massive cuddle from mummy and/or daddy as soon as they are through the door!

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  • So weird, I only ever had the opposite issue. Not as extreme as rejection, because that’s clearly overreacting, as it is in your case.

    Basically they got shitty because I didn’t want to talk anymore than is necessary to both mine or their families.

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