Is it normal i was racist when i was little?
Ok, I should really try to explain myself, because these days people get accused of being racist for practically everything, and I’m sure there’s people out there who would still consider me racist even after I explained that I don’t think like this anymore. But when I was a little kid, I didn’t like being around black people. I tried not sitting next to this one kid in kindergarten because I thought he was black (turns out he was actually white but dark skinned) and if we drank out of a drinking fountain in school and a black person drank before me I would visualize a white person drinking after them before I went (I did the same thing but made it a boy every time a girl did it, so I guess I was sexist too) and I didn’t like touching black people or touching things I saw black people touch.
But here’s the weirdest part: I honestly cannot remember anyone teaching me this stuff. If I mentioned this stuff to any of my family members, they would rightfully be mad at me. And I don’t think we started learning about segregation in school yet, but these days whenever I learn about it it seems like the most ridiculous thing in the world to me! The best way I can describe this was like how kids think the opposite gender has cooties, but I thought black people had... something but I really don’t know what. I mean, I’ve always been ocd and as a kid I’d have strange habits (like going crazy if I touched something with one hand and not the other, or spinning around at specific points) so maybe it was some sort of weird habit? I remember long after I got over this , in eight grade, we watched a documentary about a certain protest and one black woman said, when discussing the racist in the civil rights era “maybe they were worried they’d get black on them or something.” That’s seemed to me to kinda describe the irrational behavior I had then.
I was born in 1999, so this would have been the early 2000s. I’m really sorry for having those thoughts back then, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, and not use this as an excuse for reverse racism or anything like that. This is definitely a touchy subject and I hope I didn’t give anyone the wrong idea.