Is it normal i lost interest in a hobby after a death in my family?

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This happened several years ago and I'm still not completely sure why.

I played violin in high school and was pretty passionate about it, always trying to get better and even took lessons outside of school.

I lost my stepdad, who I was very close to, very tragically and unexpectedly towards the end of my sophomore year, and he had been the one to introduce me to the violin and I even started out on a violin he gave me.

I also had a solo competition not long after his passing and because I was still shaken and also had the nerves of performing solo in front of a judge, I performed horribly and got negative feedback from the judge. This did shake my confidence a little and I was ashamed and disappointed in myself, but I don't think this was the sole, or even main reason I lost all interest in the months after.

I didn't practice at all that summer and when it came time to return to playing in school my junior year, I dreaded it and felt absolutely drained. I kept trying to push through, only to get to the point to where I couldn't even bring myself to play it and hated even getting the violin out of the case. I didn't care about improving anymore or anything to do with playing. I hated everything to do with violin for years after this and my interest has never returned other than briefly in the past couple of years when I've tried to play it again, but I absolutely will not play in front of others anymore.

This has been the weirdest almost overnight (or at least it felt very fast) loss of interest for something I was so passionate about that I've ever experienced, and I still can't figure out if it had to do with grief or what happened. I changed a lot after the passing of my stepdad and lost some interest in some of my other hobbies as well, but they were more gradual and I still participate in a couple.

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Comments ( 5 )
  • Boojum
    3 years ago

    Everyone deals with the death of a loved one in their own particular way and there's no schedule for the grieving process. If the person who has died was a central feature of our life, some things will never go back to how they were before, so it's not uncommon for people to never totally get over the loss of someone they were close to. Often, we don't fully appreciate how the death has altered us until years after the death, and some people are never able to see how their view of the world and life has been fundamentally changed by the event.

    The sudden death of a parent a child or teen was particularly close to upsets their whole world and can smash their sense of security. They often end up feeling isolated from their peers because they can't understand what the experience is like, and all the changes that inevitably follow the death can be almost as upsetting as the loss itself.

    Your violin-playing was obviously tangled up with your relationship with your step-father. Maybe in some sense you were always playing the violin for him because you knew it gave him pleasure and his approval was extremely important to you, or because you were trying to emulate someone you admired greatly. Maybe it was the one special thing the two of you shared, and all the joy you got from that vanished the moment he did. Maybe the violin is so closely associated with him in your mind that the moment you pick it up the feelings of loss hit you again, possibly along with fears about your own mortality.

    Since it seems that you've not been able to understand what happened and it appears to bother you at least somewhat, I suggest that you consider spending some time with a counsellor or psychologist. It's not uncommon for people to lose interest in things that obsessed them for a time as they were growing up, but it's possible your feelings about the violin now are an indication that there are still unresolved feelings of guilt, anger or fear that you need to confront and work your way through in order to get to a generally happier and more positive place.

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  • olderdude-xx
    3 years ago

    Your still going through grief... That often takes at least a year to start to return to even semi normal; and can affect a person for years.

    I suggest that you get counseling.

    You may never return to that hobby... but you will find others to replace it.

    I wish you the best,

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  • Mammal-lover
    3 years ago

    That's truly unfortunate.

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  • litelander8
    3 years ago

    Try fiddling!

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  • bluestar155
    3 years ago

    you are probably still grieving and it has affected your relationship with the violin because of the connection you had with your stepdad through the violin. it is a completely normal thing but it may not change back to how things used to be

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