Is it normal i hate being autistic

I am autistic and I live very isolated and I am depressed because of it. I got diagnosed as an adult so I have lost years of my life which couldve been used working on my issues. No one did anything, probably because im a girl and girls dont get diagnosed, even though I was so stressed out and high anxiety in school from 6 years old and onwards that I was unable to speak in school. People found it annoying and very puzzling but nothing was done. Threats were made that I better socialize and fit in with my peers or else they might put me in special ed with the retards and troubled kids. They pushed me on the other girls causing them to act cruel to me since I didnt talk to them I just followed them around against my will to appease the adults because I was scared. Thanks to that I have terrible anxiety now.

I am poor because I cannot work. They need to figure out my abilities, I am not allowed to work until they have.
I was granted money from social services but its not much. It barely makes a difference. I feel that life is useless because there is nothing I want to do that I am capable of doing. Maybe with more therapy that can change but I have no hope. I hate the online autism community for celebrating this disability, dumb fucks. It is not quirky and cute, if it was it wouldn't get diagnosed. It is a disability which is ruining my life by making me incapable of connecting to people, working normally, being as independant as I want and giving me terrible migraines whenever I get overloaded by sounds or if the light outside is too bright. The online community is so full of shit. Either they are ~self diagnosed~ which is not valid by the way, or they must have low intelligence so they don't even notice how dibiliating it is. It's just the truth. Disabilities are nothing celebrate.

Is It Normal?
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  • I can't say this enough, people don't lose years, they just lived differently than they imagine they could have. That's your history and it's useless to imagine alternate pasts.

    You're in a tough situation and I know next to nothing about autism but I think one thing you CAN do is find your interests and your abilities - cuz you definitely have some, you just don't know yet. Maybe take a step and explore/experiment with some trade or skill online first.

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  • “No one did anything, probably because im a girl and girls dont get diagnosed”

    This is the problem. You have to help yourself. Nor does one need to be diagnosed with something to know they have issues.

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    • How, exactly, is a child supposed to help themselves if they tell adults they’re having issues and want help and all the adults do is make things worse?

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      • I was going on the bizarre notion that adults usually help if informed.

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        • Right…and what are they to do when the adults not only don’t help, but actively make things worse, as in OP’s case?

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          • Are they making it worse though, or is it the ops issues causing a bias in them and having them see others as not helping?

            Because that’s the issue 99% of the time in that aspect of mental health. It’s distorted thinking making them draw the conclusion that everyone else is wrong/doing wrong when it’s themselves who are going about everything wrong.

            People on that spectrum are beyond notorious for thinking everyone else is the problem and not helping them.

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            • If OP’s issues cause them to see others as not helping, then obviously the others weren’t helping, since OP wouldn’t have the issues anymore if they did help.

              It’s not distorted thinking if they’re right, which they are 99% of the time. Children “going about everything wrong” isn’t a thing. The adults in their life are the ones who are responsible for making sure the child get the help they need. This is like a kid breaking their leg, their parents telling them to walk it off, and then blaming the kid for the lifetime of leg problems when it doesn’t heal right.

              Let me fix that last paragraph for ya: People on the spectrum are beyond notorious for not getting the help they need because the adults in their life don’t do their jobs.

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            • Notorious? I don't see anything worth noting about these nutjobs! Autism is famous for acting like an ass deliberately, because of a bad situation and to lighten the mood, but if the whole world turned silly that would be madness!

              They get diagnosed because they're behaving silly, the doctors think they're crazy, it's called a mental disorder for a reason.

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  • we can tell

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  • I have autism and I most certainly am quirky and cute <3

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  • I enjoy being autistic.

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  • Normal, I was in a similar boat as you so I know how it feels. I am also an autistic person there's always going to be the worst kinds of people who will make you feel invalid, I sometimes don't get why it was celebrated in the first place when it will just make us feel like shit.

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    • Yes thank you. I guess its good to accept that you are different but I dont understand celebrating it like its an amazing gift

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  • "or else they might put me in special ed with the retards and troubled kids"

    I take this personal...

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    • Sorry but its how they put it. I dont mean to be offensive by that

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      • Yeah the problem with that is that I was put into special ed. Special ed isnt just for the retarded kids, it's for the kids that need special instruction, I had dyslexia, anger issues, and a speech impediment. Once I fixed those issues they allowed me to go back into the normie classes.

        Sorry to say but you are going to have to live with the autism. Adapting your life around it. Oh I love the fact that I have to read most sentences two or more times to see if I didnt misread any word, that isnt annoying at all.

        Sucks but at least you arent wheelchair bound, drooling uncontrollably because your brain is assembled like scrambled eggs. At least you are self aware of your situation, it's a step up on the awareness scale.

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      • I was in special ed my whole school years since 2nd grade (by choice because I didn't want to be in regular classes) & there was never a single retarded kid in our classes. Troubled kids on the other hand absolutely, half of them were very violent.

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        • I was a violent student in kindergarten and first grade. Throwing a chair at a pregnant teacher bening the pinnacle. I honestly dont remember most of my anti rage classes because after elementary school I never expressed violent anger or rage.

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      • Im just messing with you

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  • Sometimes I feel the same way. I was picked on a little bit and outcast a lot in school. My anxiety possibly stems from autism and people at work haven't always been understanding of the fact that I get overwhelmed by things. Even my ex wasn't always understanding of my anxiety and sensory issues (he said sensory overload is bullshit) even though he has anxiety too. Not trying to make this about myself...it's normal to wish you were neurotypical, but never think of yourself as less of a person because you have a disorder. Everybody is a person deserving of respect and validation no matter what.

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  • This isn't normal, it's one of these crazy problems that gets special treatment, you with fake autism, see a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis, I just think you have paranoia, it's easy to recognize a disability without being a professional, if the majority considers you that type of idiot, then that's what you are.

    Crazy people are creepy, and yes you're crazy, the doctor should call you the one with a mental illness and that's putting it delicately, and one more thing, Hitler would've gassed you if you were prevalent in Africa, Europe or USA with a disability in Hitler's time, one more thing, I agree with him, you should have no privileges for an illness your mother didn't ask for, would you be autistic with your mother? Your mother should talk you down.

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  • I am also a girl with autism (actually diagnosed with Asperger since kindergarten), but my experience isn't nearly as bad as yours (although I did often wish I didn't have it as a kid). I think you suffer because you didn't get the help and understanding you need growing up, while just being discriminated instead. Special ed is not a threat, it can sometimes be for the better, especially in subjects where you struggle. And as you get older you may get more able to work independent naturally (and partially by being taught). If you want to be better with social skills, simply partaking in conversations will gradually make you better, but it may not go all the way it would for a non-autistic person. I hope you get better. Its the adults that messed up.

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