Is it normal i feel very behind?

I started college recently, and it’s been quite a surreal experience. Not only hearing my classmates talk about driving but also some of them even having kids! I’m only 19, but I feel like I’m really behind everyone. I’ve never driven a car, never had a job, I can still do most things by myself but my mom still helps me with a lot of things. I’m also kind of antisocial. I can talk if the conversation interests me, but I have trouble starting conversations and asking for things. My mom thinks I could have asbergers or high functioning autism.

I’m scared though, because sometimes I really feel like I’m not capable of doing very simple things. Sometimes it feels easy to blame my mom for babying me, but I could also have played a part in this by not deciding to do more on my own.

Is It Normal?
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  • Some people don't need to drive. Public transport etc. It's no big deal.

    Having a kid at 19 is not an achievement. It's like these wierdos who think losing their virginity is a competition. They're financially strapped to that kid and it will drain all their emotional energy. They're presumably not married, and I'm guessing in 90% of the cases the relationship with the bf/gf doesn't last, and so you have single parent households, child support, absent dads, etc.

    You're young. Enjoy life. Don't do stupid shit because other people are.

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    • Couldn't have said it better. There's no need to rush into having a family at 19. You're probably only a few months older than myself and I'm only just considering things like family. Not now of course, but I wouldn't mind having kids further down the road in life, when I'm ready and not because I feel behind for not doing so right now

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      • And let's just face it, as mean as this comment may come off as (for that I apologize in advance) if you feel behind for your age, you probably shouldn't have kids anyway. I have a friend with high functioning autism and while she's excellent at some things, others she does not excel in. You just have to figure out what you're good at and build on that. You're not going to get far comparing your life to others and I'm only just a few months younger than you yet I still ask my mum for help/advice too! A lot of young adults do it and there's no shame in asking for help when its needed. You must keep in mind that all the things you can do some other people don't even know how to do that. There's no point in alienating yourself for it, or blaming your mother when as far as I'm concerned, this is perfectly normal thing for young adults to go through

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        • You’re comment didn’t come off as mean at all! It was actually quite helpful!

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    • EXACTLY THIS. Everyone I know who had kids at a very young age like this has struggled because of it. Not that it can't be done, but it's usually a much harder road than waiting until you have a steady career, financial situation, and are mentally ready for it. It is much better to build a career and be completely ready mentally and financially as well before having kids.

      Definitely enjoy your life and remember that it's not a race or competition! Do things at your own pace and when you're ready, and don't be pressured into anything.

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      • I know of someone that had a kid at a ridiculous age like 20. Not sure if they wanted the kid or it was an accident. It just seems so bizarre to me. This dude is a party animal and it pains me to see him play gangsta rap to an impressionable infant. The kid is already a phone addict. Clearly he should've waited. Anyway at least the girlfriend seems loyal.

        I for one would only think of having a kid once I'm financially stable and find the right partner.

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    • Yeah, I lost my virginity when I was a little older than OP when I was 20 to this woman who was almost 80. Yes, I know she was four times my age and all, and some folks might think that's a little weird. But yeah, it happens in different ways for different people.

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  • Be happy you don't have kids. When I was 19, I knew people who had 2-5 kids already, and despite the fact that they acted happy, they admitted to me they were miserable and were tired of pissing away money on them.

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    • 5 kids by 19???

      Jesus...

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      • Yeah, seeing pregnant girls in high school and middle school seemed pretty common in my area. We also had boys who were daddies to multiple kids already. It was insane.

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        • Jesus...

          Our grade managed to get through with no (known) pregnancies...even the trashy bitches.

          I think of my group of 8 from high school, only one has kids...and she waited til she'd been married a few years...and she married at like...26/27 or something.

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    • My God, that's insane!

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      • It is. Pregnant girls and boys who were dads already seemed like it was common in high school and middle school.

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        • This may sound kinda bad, especially because I've become more pro-life as I've become older, and I was more pro-choice in my youth, but I've always looked down my nose at people who started having multiple kids in their teens. These people are still kids themselves, and in a lot of ways youth is wasted on the young, because if I woke up tomorrow as a teenager the last thing I would be doing would be running around trying to ruin my life.

          I have an aunt who got pregnant when she was 15, and my cousin, her daughter, got knocked up in her first semester away at college. I kinda feel sorry for my cousin's teenage daughter, because they watch her like a hawk, and keep a tight leash on her. It probably doesn't help that my maternal grandmother was knocked up by some jerk when she was 18, my grandfather wasn't even the father, but he met her when he was 19, felt bad for her, married her, and they had like nine kids! I never even knew that my mom's oldest sister was only a half sister until I was in my mid forties. I didn't know it when I was a kid, but apparently there are a lot of bastards in my family. 😂

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          • Feel free to look down. Most people I know(classmates, cousins, co-workers)who had kids early looked down on childless people. They'd get nosy and ask why someone doesn't have kids, act like their kids are their life, blab on about how their kids are perfect, and spew some crap about how it's every person's duty to reproduce.
            My cousins were super annoying to deal with because of all this. Also, they're all either extreme liberals or extreme conservatives now and get upset if anyone says anything they don't agree with. Talking to them is like walking on eggshells.

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            • Spot on, my chica! My Pentecostal aunt is exactly that sort of person. Apparently she said something about my mom not having any grandchildren, and perhaps there is some truth to what she probably said, but I think it's just her pride, and ego trying to make her happy with what she's got I guess. It's all too much drama drama. People always like to assume that everyone always values the same things; oftentimes they are almost incapable of insights into themselves. Ugh.

              I don't know what it is, but seems that the Colombian, and Pennsylvania Dutch sides of my family always seemed to be into this bickering sort of existence. I really miss the Welsh side of my father's family, but there were less than a handful of them so of course my relations to whom I felt closest have been dead since my late adolescence. It kinda makes me sad, honestly my sister, and I will be the last of our wing of the family. I guess that's why people sort of value the whole thing about having kids, but all my life I thought that it was too much a responsibility, and a burden. It's a funny thing, but although my parents probably did spoil me, and my sister, my mom was probably too sheltering on certain things, and too strict on others, but there were certainly areas where I felt neglected, and naturally assumed that I was a burden. Maybe I am, and perhaps so is my sister on a certain level. People probably try to do their best, but usually fall short with children. I think that children have always appeared to be a burden that I didn't want to take on, and I say this going all the way back to when my sister was born. I just thought it's too much trouble.

              If it would make her happy I hope my sister finds her fairy tale happy ending. I think I'm too old at this point to have one that is much more than someone else's sloppy seconds. I just always think that the domestic life is a sort of servitude of which I want no part. I'm sure it matters very much how one approaches it. I guess they did they best they could, but all of the adults fell short of the mental health portion of raising kids. I wish people didn't think that it was too expensive, unnecessary, or some slight to their fragile egos. Yanno? 🤔

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  • https://youtu.be/T4fjSrVCDvA?t=1440
    College is a type of chaos, and your feeling of being overwhelmed and behind your peers is a sign that you aren't as competent as you feel you should be. You'll learn to appreciate just how good of a feeling this is, because it will guide you towards improvement if you let it. Or you can try to ignore it and see where that gets you.

    You need to articulate what exactly you're afraid of and what you don't think you're capable of. Not to me, but to yourself. I don't know what you need to do, but you know 100% exactly what it is.

    Because it's the stuff you don't want to do.

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  • I used to be a lot like you. SO much like you, actually. It all came together with time. Everyone moves at a different pace, and you're still young.

    First off, there's absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids or needing help on certain things from your parents at 19. Very few people are fully independent at that age with absolutely no help from anyone. I got my driver's license two months before I turned 18 and got my first real job at 19. I was very nervous about driving, but found out that it's mostly common sense and that as long as you know how to follow traffic rules and pay attention to your surroundings, it's pretty simple. It's very nerve wracking at first, and that's okay and very normal. My first job was at 19 and was your average first job, and I did fine with that too. Just do what you're told, be honest, and do the best job you can do. Fear really makes us blow some of these things way out of proportion and seem much scarier than they really are.

    I am 24 and still improving my social skills every day. As someone who was incredibly socially awkward and had crippling shyness as a teenager, it's been a work in progress, but I think I've done very well. That will also come with time, building your confidence by doing positive things for yourself and finding success in them, and practice.

    I was also thought to have Asperger's syndrome and was misdiagnosed, and this misdiagnosis caused me to be put on medications that did nothing but serious harm for me, so I would be careful with that. Not that your experience is going to be the same as mine, but that is just my experience. I think we all have our idiosyncrasies and progress at our own levels, and there's nothing at all that strikes me as abnormal about what you've described. You sound like a late bloomer like I was, which isn't really a bad thing because you get to watch your peers go through things you haven't reached yet and learn from their successes and mistakes, which to me better prepares you.

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    • “Fear Leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering”- Yoda

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  • You've got nothing to worry about friend. You're in college which is great because that means you're going somewhere in life. If you don't need to drive then don't. It's expensive and there's no point if you don't need it. I have to have a car now because I live out in the sticks and I have kids to ferry about, but if there was a way that I could manage without my car then I definitely would get rid of it.

    Also don't compare yourself to a 19 year old who has kids. No offense to them but that's usually not a good thing. Ideally you won't have kids until you've met the person you're planning on spending the rest of your life with, and you've got a good stable income that's enough to support your family.

    Just keep your head down at college and do what makes you happy. No good comes from comparing yourself to others

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  • Sounds like you have a great Mom. Cherish it.

    Never compare yourself to others. Just go at your own pace and enjoy life.

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  • Im guessing you meant youre asocial and not antisocial,these two words have been used interchangeably a lot but are very different in meanings,an anti social person is in the same category with a sociopath or even a psychopath

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  • You're mom must love you a lot. Is there any particular reason why you haven't learned how to drive an automobile?

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    • I was traumatized by a lot of things I’ve heard. Unfortunately my ocd made me obsessed with car accidents and it’s hard to get them out of my head if I so much as think of driving a car.

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      • I went through a spell of being terrified of getting into an accident as well. Something eventually just clicked one day and I came to the realization that while there are no guarantees and not all accidents or tragedies are avoidable in life, you can do the best you can to prevent them.

        For me, this includes being aware of what the other drivers around me are doing at all times and familiarizing myself with and following traffic laws to the best of my ability. I also avoid busy areas during rush hour and avoid driving in bad weather conditions if at all possible, but take extra precautions if I need to anyway. Also, expect people to break traffic laws and know how to drive defensively and react appropriately. If you observe drivers on the road enough, you begin to notice a pattern in stupid behaviors and learn to expect them before they happen, and react accordingly. Of course, you won't always see it coming, but knowing how to react in certain situations is helpful for when you don't expect something. If you are a good, attentive driver, your chances of an accident decrease. Nobody is 100% immune to them, but you can minimize your risks by taking precautions and being as safe as possible.

        It may not be as easy for you, but eventually my mind decided that life is too short to obsessively worry over things I can't control. It wasn't really voluntary because I could never force myself to think that way (I really wish I could), but it was more of another realization I came to. Really, any of us could be killed walking to the mailbox to check the mail, falling down stairs, etc. Literally anything could kill us somehow. All we can do is the best we can to try and prevent it.

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      • I'm very sorry to hear that!

        I was in at least three car crashes in my youth, one of which was serious, but I knew I had to get back behind the wheel, because otherwise I would have had to stop going to college classes, and give up my job at a local radio station. I've had depression, and anxiety since I was maybe eleven, but honestly I've probably never feared death to tell you the truth. I do fear being maimed though, cause I'm only half as crazy as I might seem.

        I do remember that they used to make us watch old films with car accidents in em when I was in Driver's Education classes. People would get a little shocked, and scared, but it wouldn't stop anyone from wanting to learn to drive.

        Are you recieving any type of therapy? Nothing personal, and no offense, but your obsession seems rather excessive.

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        • I did have a therapist a few years ago but sadly she moved. I’m scared of taking a driver’s ed class because they might tell more horror stories (I’m hoping I can find one that specializes in people like me). It’s hard for me to do what one commenter described, keeping the possibilities of accidents in my mind because thinking about them really sets me off. You all make good points, but this is all easier said than done. I just hate how my school seemed to assume that not a single student knew of the dangers and that it had to be hammered in at all cost. Eventually I just wanted to scream “OK I FUCKING GET IT!” At them!

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  • Its normal.

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  • Very normal.

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