Is it normal i can't stand negative people and it's making me mentally unstable?

I am surrounded by negative people in my life. Mostly family. Lots of screaming, yelling, tantrums. I'm ready to move out but I've been living here for 5 years. Just two or three more months and I'm good to go.

But it shows up in other places. In work. When coworkers are being cliquey, judgmental, ungrateful, opinionated, or worse, like I feel misunderstood. It just goads me.

It's really happening across the board for me, which leads me to believe it's me. But I'm human living in a crazy world. Just can't stand other people and how they can be at times. Drivers on the road getting to me like no other. If I scroll through the comment sections on Instagram/youtube, it's awful. The nastiness is just terrible and I feel this pang of irritation and hatred. It makes me so angry, and I'm not even on the receiving end of this stuff sometimes. Call it like second-hand whatever, I get mad when I see injustice around me (normal) or unfairness (normal) but it's getting out of control (not normal?)

It's affecting my mental instability the past year and a half. Pretty much tied in a lot with during/after the elections and then COVID. All the arguing, disputes, polarization, hatred, anger, rightness/wrongness, truth/fake/etc, it's just driving me insane.

Then I have a moment where I find something I love, or feel love for, and I feel instantly better. But it's random and rare. I go back to this constant state of irritation.

I just wish there were more things to love in life, and I know there is. But it's mostly people that get to me. And there are days when I want to get away from it all.

I just want to be around people who love each other, who show that to each other, who are good or nice to each other, decent to each other. Where there isn't fucking drama, unnecessary screaming or yelling, where there isn't isolation or exclusion, when I feel part of the group and I belong and want to be there.

Some days I literally feel like a pincushion, and every new thing or repeating thing that I can't stand is another pin pushing inside me. I try and want to escape and leave situations that I feel this way in, hoping and desperately needing to find peace and relief somewhere else.

I wonder if I have an anger management disorder but I don't go around screaming and raging like a lunatic, either. I bottle some stuff up, for sure. I'm not sure what would happen if I spoke my mind at work (might get fired, of course).

This isn't fun at all.

Is It Normal?
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  • The cold hand of death has robbed me of that which I most love. Can you share with me, and the rest of the Is It Normal community what things make you most happy in a more specific manner. Do you have a gratitude journal? If not, I highly recommend that you start of list of things for which you are grateful. Your brain is a lot like a computer, and so you need to be mindful of that which you allow to be inputted into your brain.

    I'm going to share a very helpful prayer with you, it's called the Serenity Prayer.

    "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    the courage to change the things I can,
    and the wisdom to know the difference."

    You don't have to believe in God, or belong to any one particular religion, just learn, and say the Serenity Prayer, because there's a lot of wisdom in it.

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  • I have to take a break from it too. I just seclude myself from it all and do my own thing. Usually a good jog or something helps destress your body.

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