Is it normal i’m still obsessed with this person?
In high school I was friends with a girl, the friendship grew into a crush, and the crush grew into an obsession. Getting to talk to her was always the highlight of my day, and it became harder the less classes we shared as the years went on.
I’ve talked about this next aspect before, so some of you might already know where this is going, but the same day she messaged me that we shared no classes, she also messaged that she was going to start driving the next day. The weird thing is that it didn’t even bother me much when she first told me, but a few months later the idea of her driving began to scare the ever loving FUCK outta me! (Although I did have points of worry before then).
I still wonder what it was that made me start to be so scared, and maybe I’m looking too deeply into it, but my best theory is this: when the next semester began I had lunch with her, and when I saw her again she was a lot different, and she had new friends who I just couldn’t stand. Maybe I’m being overly dramatic, but it was like she’d already died in a way, at least what I thought she was like.
We actually did talk about these things, and seemed to find some sort of closer. But looking back I’m so regretful that I didn’t talk sooner. I could’ve simply said “why are you driving? I thought you were scared of it” or I could have asked her to hang out more and have gotten to spend more time with her, but I was too nervous to. I look back and think “what was I so scared of?”
But she made me feel insecure. It’s not so much that she accomplished these things, but that she could do them so easily when I was still struggling. It might sound weird, but I wish I could have a girlfriend as inexperienced as I am, that I could have had one before I was 16 and didn’t have a choice but to be inexperienced.
But in all honesty, I was able to put this all behind me for the most part when I finished high school, but I started college recently and I think being in a school environment is bringing these thoughts back to me.
I’m sorry if this seemed long, but it’s been bothering me and I really need to get through it if I’m going to have a normal life.