Is it normal for me to have this social situation?

90% Normal
2 Comments

I'm an only child and I don't come from a rich family, a broken one, in fact. I had a very good social life all through middle school, but when I left for high school to a private school far away, I lost all my old friends. I felt like it was impossible making new friends and I soon gave up. At most all I have from highschool are acquaintances. I do well academically and you could say I'm a nerd and introverted to an extent, but not totally, I'm good at writing and speaking on stage, which has helped me gain some popularity. But interpersonal relationships are hard for me.

I finished college and even though I am apart of certain groups, I connected with them only for work and if we went out, I tried to make small talk but relationships never went beyond that. I started blaming my parents separation for my withdrawal from people and not being able to make friends. Sometimes I feel I say the most boring or common things to fit in. I wish I could make more friends. I'm working on it with my old childhood friends, I am arranging to meet them soon, but I feel like I'm the most boring and ugliest of them. I became depressed and started to neglect myself. Is it normal to have these kinda problems. I really am trying to get closer to people

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90% Normal
Based on 10 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • Boojum
    5 years ago

    Lots of people aren't very comfortable socially. If you really feel that the people you spend time with don't like you because you're physically not as attractive as them, then you definitely should find some new people to hang with.

    Some things for you to mull over:

    First, most people are far more interested in themselves and the image they're projecting than they are about anyone else. If you are a good listener (or at least can convincingly pretend to be interested), a lot of people will enjoy having you around.

    And, yeah, most conversation is pretty damn mundane. It sounds like you're sitting there constantly critiquing everything you say, and feeling like you're talking crap when you need to be witty and wise. That's taking it all far too seriously most of the time. The vast majority of social conversation with casual friends is bullshit about nothing consequential at all. Try to lighten up and stop being so hard on yourself.

    There's no law requiring you to have have a huge circle of friends. If you feel that an absence of friends is a problem and you'd like to have someone you can talk to honestly about important stuff, then you should do something about that. But don't believe the social media bullshit from people who seem to have 534 BFFs and feel that you're a failure at life and missing out and you should strive to be like them.

    Talking to your old friends might be a good thing, but it might be helpful if you found a counsellor to talk to about this. A good one might be able to give you a completely new perspective on why you are the way you are and what you really want in terms of your social life.

    Finally, don't blame your parents and your childhood family life for this. Those things undoubtedly helped you become the person you are today, but once you're an adult, it's your responsibility to look at your life, decide if there are things you don't like about your approach to it, and take action if you're not happy. Alternatively, you could try to accept that you are the way you are, believe that that's really okay, and focus on finding out what can give you joy in your life.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      Thank you, really

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