Is it normal for a friend to stay in your house for 3 weeks and do nothing alone?

Hi!
I'm having a childhood friend staying with me and my family for 3 weeks this summer. Him visiting was his idea, we don't talk that much but our families are close. He lives in another country, and he's been here three times already.

The thing is, because he's been in this town before (each time for 1 month), he's 25 years old and the stay is long, I thought he would want to do some things on his own, maybe explore the town, go shopping. The trouble is, he's very passive and expects us to entertain him all the time and take him places. He hasn't gone anywhere alone once. Now, I'm very irritated because during the year I have to study and work, and I don't feel like babysitting anyone. I do like doing things with him, but because he expects this stay to be a guided holiday/tour, I'm very fed up with the situation and I can't wait for him to leave so I can be "free".

I commented this situation to a friend, and he thinks I am a bad host for feeling this way. I just think if the stay is short (3 days - 1 week) it is normal to be entertaining your guest all the time. But if it's longer, I think they should be happy with the free room and meals and also do something on their own.

Am I a bad hostess? Is it normal for this guy to expect us to fill his days and be completely responsible for his holiday here?

Voting Results
16% Normal
Based on 19 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • Wow, how nice of him to invite himself over to your house and sponge off of you for three weeks. How'd you get so lucky?

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  • Boojum

    Benjamin Franklin said, "Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days."

    You're not a bad hostess for not being his personal tour guide and entertainment manager for his entire stay; he's a bad guest for imposing himself on you for three weeks with the assumption that you'll take care of everything for him. He's not twelve, FFS; he's twenty-five, which is old enough to look after himself and definitely old enough to notice when he's outstayed his welcome.

    Basically, the guy sounds like a pain in the butt, and I hope you remember this experience the next time he wants to visit. Be sure you do, because after the passage of a year or so, you'll probably have forgotten how uncomfortable and annoying it was to have him hanging around for so long.

    If you decide you're willing to put him up again, either make it clear that it has to be for a much shorter period, or spend some time before his visit psyching yourself into a mindset where you accept that he's going to do the same shit again.

    My favourite story about house-guests who stay too long is about a visit by Hans Christian Andersen to the home of Charles Dickens. It was supposed to be for two weeks, and they started out friends, but it dragged on and on and the Dickens family found it increasingly tiresome. After Andersen finally left, Dickens inscribed on the mirror in the bedroom he'd used: “Hans Andersen slept in this room for five weeks — which seemed to the family AGES!”

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  • dimwitted

    My family does this all the time. They visit me for a long time and expect me to entertain them. Screw that. I have a job and bills to pay. Get a rental and drive your ass around and spend your own money. By the time they leave I'm broke. I tell them not to come back. It doesn't build good relationships but at least I have money in my bank account. What's super irritating there is no reciprocation. When I go visit i get ignored and have to spend my own money. To top it off they have way more money than me. Assholes.

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    • Boojum

      Some people are assholes; some families are full of assholes.

      Life is too short to waste your time on assholes. Be strong and stand your ground.

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  • AndrewJacksons4thgrandniece

    honestly. Don't let him take advantage of you, cause it sure as hell sounds like that's exactly what he is doing. It can be hard to say something to someone you love about that, but I think it's time you have a conversation with him. Let him know how happy it makes you to see him, but let him know that the stay is simply too long, and he needs to find someone else to crash with for at leastttt one of his extra weeks. He can not expect entertainment and round-the-clock attention. You have a life to live and he can't just barge in and expect you to drop it all. You have no obligations to do so and I recomend you tell him so.

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  • jethro

    If you can't be the host full time for a visit you approved of, then yes you are a in the wrong. If you don't want to be a babysitter the whole time you should have made that clear, up front, before your guest committed and arrived. You messed up so suck it up ad put on your tour guide hat and smile.

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  • GaelicPotato

    No.

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  • libertybell

    If I was staying with a family, I would love to do things with them, but I would also want to go exploring on my own. Shopping, taking walks,whatever the town has to offer.
    He needs to get out more.

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