Is it normal dad has been abusing me and mum & sis side with him?

My dad has been mentally and physically abusive to my family and me for years. And only sexually and mentally abusive to me. Apart from my little sister he doesn't abuse her at all. And has tried to touch me in sexual was but I run off and I keep my doors locked at night since I've seen him try to open them but luckily my insomnia stops me from sleeping at night so I caught him and locked it asap.

Since quarantine lockdown in Australia he's been more abusive everyday and I ended up almost fighting him but I didn't. Just messed some of his books and papers lying around.

But is it normal for my sister to still keep greeting him and talking to him, and my mum to tell me off when I'm trying to defend myself while my dad is abusing me?
During today's fight she told me to stop talking back to him when he said he curses me and my future children and calling me a bastard and saying "fuck you" and "your not my child".
And didn't even start the argument, I wasn't even talking to my dad I was just telling my mum that he was trying to open the locked bathroom door today when I was in there, I had to shout out at him to stop that I was using the bathroom twice for him to stop trying to open the door.

Last week he was verbally abusing me because I wrote warning quarantine for cronovirus on a sign and stuck it on the table in the dining room so the visitors would be aware of the new lockdown. (Dad invites his friends over everyday including birthdays and exams days.)
Mum told him to be the bigger person to just end the argument, when he was still swearing at me, don't know why she was saying that when I wasn't even continuing anything just defending my self if he cussed me I cussed him back, I've only called him names that's it. Meanwhile he's cursed me and our dead relatives and beat my mum and older brother up and tried to sexual assault me multiple times. And my sister still greats him when he comes home even when I revelled to her today that he's been trying to sexually assualt me.
Mum said she call the cops next time the argument gets physical, because I knocked his books to the floor. And that really hurt me because he said he's going to call the cops on me as well, but for what reason?! I was only defending myself! He was cussing me out and more just because I said he was trying to unlock the bathroom door.
My sister said she stop talking to him and she can't stop greeting him because that's rude, and she doesn't ignore people she hates at school either. She thinks it's normal to greet anyone back no matter who they are or what they did to you, which is utter bullshit.

So is this normal? For my family to still side with my dad the abuser. I feel like only my older brother is on my side but he's to scared to come out of his room during arguments and he's locks himself in his room 24/7.
I like to know any opinion because I'm starting to feel like a bad person and the one at fault. And I got a shit load more info but I'm trying to keep this short as possible.

Voting Results
8% Normal
Based on 25 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 43 )
  • Loading__Error

    This is differently not normal. Please, try and contact the authority's in anyway possible. They will try and protect you. Don't give up

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    • I don't know if I should right now, I need to collect some evidence first like recordings on him abusing me verbally, then I'll probably contact them.
      I just don't want to end up in a worse place or lose a court battle and end up in jail since my mum and sister side with him slightly still, they could surprise me and choose not to back up anyone.

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      • iEatZombies_

        If you have a phone, you should be able to download a voice recording app if you don't already have one. I would set an alarm before bedtime to remind myself to hit record as I plug my phone in to charge. It should record the whole time, I believe. I would try it out one night to be sure.
        As for your family, there's really no saying if they'll be okay with you afterward or not, but if they have a problem with you putting a stop to abuse then it really is their problem, not yours.

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        • Okay I'll try an app think that might work.
          I'll test it out to see how much memory it takes up on my phone.
          Thanks for the tip.
          And yeah I can't stand it anymore so guess gotta think of my self first before I help others. Been trying to help them for ages to no avail.

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      • --

        Record him abusing you verbally. What about record him abusing you sexually?

        You are so full of shit. There are real people out there that have horrendous abuse done to them and you sit here crying wolf over this pathetic crap. Grow up!

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        • How would I be able to record someone abusing me sexually so easily?! I don't want it to go any further just so I can record it!

          Did you read anything I fucking said?! This guy has beaten my mum up and my brother and has cursed me wishing I died and laughed and acted happy when shit happened to me like when I was hospitalized last year.
          What the fuck are you talking about?! More horrendous shit then what I stated!!? This is fucking demostic abuse and much more happening in my house hold!!

          I'm getting sick of this shit.
          I'm blocking this comment.

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          • --

            You are very self absorbed. The world does not revolve around you buddy.

            IF YOUR MOTHER AND SIBLINGS ARE BEING ABUSED RING THE POLICE!!!!

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            • I have and they've turned them away! Since they want to live in a home under someone else's roof! Since my dad pays the bills!

              Mum is delusional and my brother is too scared to do anything about his situation.

              What did I say that made me self absorbed!? It's doesn't revolve around anyone! I never said it did!
              I haven't insulted you once and you have many times so who's that asshole then? Why are you choosing to talk to me like this I haven't attacked you at all. Of all the people on here why do you choose to attack someone who's just trying to get some advice on my family situation with domestic abuse?!

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          • Clunk42

            That's the only comment that -- made on this post. Just because people on this website doubt you doesn't mean you should just block one of the people who responds.

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            • Have you seen the insults he's been throwing at me for no reason?!

              And I haven't blocked them yet but if he throws another insult at me I'm blocking.
              I don't block opinions only abuse and discusting insults.

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        • jimmy66689

          Bro shut the fuck up you rude cunt you obviously have no life experience to say what you're saying leave her alone you fucking pussy cunt and fuck off

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  • Mammal-lover

    Just set up a camera and leave your door unlocked at night. You'll have all the proof you need that way. One bad night and your problems are over

    Edit: if you do anything like this for the love of god dont tell anyone. Just do it and take it to the police, sneakily. Seriously. Dont get caught

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    • I'll use this as plan B if I don't catch any verbal or physical abuse on the camera by day which is my plan A.

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      • Mammal-lover

        Good deal. Remember stealth. Do NOT get caught or mention what your doing to anyone. Not a soul

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  • NewBeginning

    It's is in no way, not at all and will never be normal. I don't know where you live, but if it's in a country ruled by the queen or in the USA/Canada (there are some other countries that support the UDHR too), the Universal Declaration of Human Rights' Section 7 states that you have the right to be free from sexual abuse. Contact the cops. However, depending on how severe the abuse is you might want to first obtain a cheap method of recording a video to collect evidence. You may want to hide a camera in a stack of clothes, cover up any light with tape. I recommend putting the camera in a place with high probability of abuse happening. Also you want to collect as much information as you possibly can, including times, methods, etc. of the abuse. If you can, I recommend setting out traps for your father to fall into. By this I mean provoke him into doing something that will be difficult to cover up, tied with your abuse of course. If you manage to do all this, and if your government is a good one, they will take you into their protection and help you improve your life by a lot. Good luck out there.

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    • Thank you for the tips.
      I'm planning to buy mini cameras that I can hide throughout the house to catch the abuse that goes on in my family.

      I think so, I'm in Australia, I've went through a demostic abuse service before and they helped me out with planning and looking for work. But I never told anyone else about my sexual abuse apart from my mum and sister recently.

      Thank you again for the advice.

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  • olderdude-xx

    It is quite normal for different family members to react differently, and to ignore what is happening to you.

    I suggest that you find a way to get out of that house... permanently. Is there a relative you can live with; and understanding near neighbor.

    Can you talk to someone from the clergy (if you belong to a church).

    IF none of those seem promising - then you should call either a sexual abuse hotline, or perhaps the police and ask to talk with someone who deals with sexual abuse (there might also be some form of family service department as well).

    My advice is to take action now to prevent the virtual certain full sexual assault that will occur if you don't get out of there (these things have patterns).

    This will likely mean breaking up the family in some way (either you or he leaves are the most likely options). That does not mean that you cannot stay in touch and do things together. But, I believe that either you or he needs to be sleeping in different buildings.

    I wish you well with this,

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    • My relatives are all overseas and I stopped going to church since mum changed churches.

      I've reached out to a demostic violence service before but they said they could help with rent and that's all. I was going to move out but I have no job and I had to stop working since I was hospitalized last year and went back to my studies.

      But I think I'll look for services again to see if I can get help, but I'm not confident about talking about the sexual abuse face to face with someone and it's not as serious as rape, so think they'll ignore it.

      And thank you for the concern.
      And I guess you're right, since some people are responding negatively to me here when I haven't done anything wrong to my family. I even stopped my dad from beating up my mum.

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  • Unknown441632

    I don't have any advice even though this is relatable but honestly I just want you to know that you shouldn't have to deal with anything like that especially because no one seems to be on your side. Even though you're just a random person that I'll never know I still care about you unlike all of the other people that only care about themself. I really want things to get better for you and your family. Let me know if there's anything I can do to try to help.

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  • This made me laugh thanks.
    Too bad he stopped eating at home recently because he thinks we're going to poison him.

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  • Clunk42

    You've explained the verbal abuse, but how does he physically abuse you?

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    • Only verbal and sexual abuse.
      He doesn't do physical, apart from trying to open the door onto me today when he was returning home(not the bathroom door), he only does that to mum and my brother. Punches them and hits them. Hit mum so hard multiple times blood was coming out of her nose. And now she gets random headaches here and there.
      Sorry if I don't make sense I'm still pretty shaken up from today.

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      • Clunk42

        How does he sexually abuse you?

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        • Tries to touch me inappropriately when I'm alone with just him in the house and has touched my butt a couple of times. When I'm not looking.
          And has tried to sneak into my room more than once in the middle of the night.
          Don't remember clearly too well since I want to block this shit out.

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  • UnusedName

    Been a month since this was posted, have things improved?

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  • Ellenna

    I'm really sorry this is happening to you. You're in Australia, so call 1800737732 for some support, you don't need to try and handle this on your own. You may find that line is very busy at the moment: the corona virus lockdown is increasing family violence.

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    • Thank you for the number I searched it up and it's for a demostic violence hotline? I haven't tried this one so thank you again I'll try and give them a call soon.

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      • Ellenna

        Domestic Violence + Sexual Assault support br counsellors. Depending on your age there's also Kidsline.

        Good luck!

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  • --

    If this is real you need to ring the police.

    But what I believe is really happening is!
    You are the oldest child living at home and are beginning to become rebellious. I don't believe there is any sexual abuse happening, or any abuse for that matter, apart from raised tempers, yelling and a few swear words. I think you have a bad attitude and your father is not coping with the stress you make with your typical teenage drama, that being added with stay at home orders you guys are at each others throats.

    I would put my money on you have recently had a fight with dad, or dad has done something like take the playstation away because he wants house chores accomplished. You are pissed and in a hateful mood so you would say horrible things about dad to get others sympathy and have them on you side.

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    • No you can't truely know someone unless we met face to face. Just like I don't know you or even what your true intentions are. I don't play games I haven't for years I got uni and I was working since I was around 14-15. I'm the middle child and I pay for the internet and groceries at home.
      I don't disrespect my parents I've only told him to shut the fuck up because he wouldn't stop wishing my mum and everyone dead in my family and this was after he beat her up a few years ago really bad she had to get medical help.

      I see you don't like me and I can tell, and that's fine we don't need to like each other. But you can stop wasting your time here trying to stop me from receiving advice from others to deal with my abusive father.
      I'm actually going to try and get cops involved again when I get evidence on him with audio and video recordings.
      He's starting to get a bit abusive with my little sister cussing her out for not cooking his food fast enough for him. And tried to beat the shit out of my brother today for using the shower for too long, but it was only 2 minutes.

      So please save your breath you don't want to help me then you can leave and go on another forum. I'm not going to waste anymore time when I got more important things to attend to.
      Good luck in life and wish you the best, I don't wish anything cruel not even on my worse enemy. Since only I can change my self.

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      • --

        Not sure why you are commenting on my older comment when we already sorted this out on newer comments.

        Yeah you are half right about not knowing someone until you have met them face to face but as this is a canvas to post text based jeberish I worked with what I had. Simply I did not believe you and others didn't believe you either!

        You are wrong I don't not like you. I simply think you are not telling the truth. I have dealt with lots of children in my life and can tell when one is telling fibs. Like I said in another comment, I'm not sure what you want from this post? I gave you advise to contact beyond blue, I told you I think you have some stress related stuff going on, I tried to guide you but it seems you only want me to take your side and say how bad your life is, you are acting childish. But I will say it agian for the 5th time. Ring the police if you or your family is being abused. I beleive you are not being abused because when I don't say what you want you then said I was being abusive? That even more implants in my mind that you are being silly!

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        • Okay this is getting mixed up. we're having a huge misunderstanding I accidentally replied to an old comment and I have taken your advice looked at beyond blue so thanks again for that. Even downloaded the app and read a few articles by them and made a plan to sort the shit out.
          I'm disagree with the fibs I was just feeling suicidal again but once again snapped out of it. Haven't off my self yet. And no I'm nothing like a child I handle part of payments in my household and worked for a long as time and study as well.

          I need to work on my social skills that's another fault of mine so I'm gonna change that.
          This is just a misunderstanding I didn't notice it was an old post.
          I've taken Futher steps to call the police for the second time but this time I've ordered mini video cameras to catch evidence through audio or video for the abuse. I want this man to go to court for the fucked up shit he's being doing and I can't live a guy who beats the shit out of my mum and my brother and fucked up shit he's tried on me sexual and verbal abuse.
          I'm taking action I swear just doing it carefully not letting my suicidal thoughts to keep me mopping around.
          And thank you for the link again of beyond blue also made a suicide prevention plan with their app.

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