I wrecked a friendship and now i'm hurt
I ended a friendship with a really good person because I was insecure and being stupid. Long story short, I just felt like I didn't really matter to them. That they didn't really like me. It wasn't true. They did like me. But I am really insecure about myself. I dislike myself and assume everyone else does.
One of the things that caused it was that I felt he was ignoring me. When I sent him a message and didn't respond right away, I assumed he was ignoring me. Maybe even talking to someone else and putting me on the back burner. But it was just BS. He was busy or sleeping. And even if he was talking to someone else, so what? He's allowed to have other friends. I was being an idiot.
Simultaneously, I also felt like I was annoying him when we did talk.
I blew up on him two times before and he forgave me and we talked again. He forgives me now and says the door is opened if I want to reconnect. But I don't know. I don't want to be the friend who keeps taking advantage of other people's kindness. I want to change and be better then possibly reconnect.
But now I am sad and hurt. I want to cry, but I did this.