I wrecked a friendship and now i'm hurt

I ended a friendship with a really good person because I was insecure and being stupid. Long story short, I just felt like I didn't really matter to them. That they didn't really like me. It wasn't true. They did like me. But I am really insecure about myself. I dislike myself and assume everyone else does.

One of the things that caused it was that I felt he was ignoring me. When I sent him a message and didn't respond right away, I assumed he was ignoring me. Maybe even talking to someone else and putting me on the back burner. But it was just BS. He was busy or sleeping. And even if he was talking to someone else, so what? He's allowed to have other friends. I was being an idiot.

Simultaneously, I also felt like I was annoying him when we did talk.

I blew up on him two times before and he forgave me and we talked again. He forgives me now and says the door is opened if I want to reconnect. But I don't know. I don't want to be the friend who keeps taking advantage of other people's kindness. I want to change and be better then possibly reconnect.

But now I am sad and hurt. I want to cry, but I did this.

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  • All you can do is get better.

    Your friend said you're free to come back to him when you're ready, believe him. Send him a text letting him know that you're sorry and need some cure your own personal problems without hurting others and that you appreciate his kindness.

    After doing that, seek out counselling, don't do this alone. Though I'm not a professional, it sounds like you have an adult attachment disorder of some kind where you're trapped in a loop of craving/wanting connections, but your fear of abandonment leads you to push people away; it's just a guess.

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  • Maybe you weren't compatible. I've had friendships end due to that because even though we were close we never "got" each other so there were stupid misunderstandings and arguments, thinking that the other person wasn't being sincere due to things like this etc. until it just died out. I lost a friend that way 2 years ago, my best friend at the time, because we both felt hurt by each other due to misunderstandings and nothing but that.

    I can be pretty insecure too and easily think that people are dissing me but the friends that I have now that I am actually compatible with I don't assume shit with. I have 2 friends who suck at keeping in touch. One of them is very introverted and has many days of not even having enough social energy to reply to a text for quite long at a time sometimes but it doesn't offend me because I understand it and I know we're genuienly really good friends who can tell each other anything. When you really click with someone on a deeper level it just works imo. Even if you're a person that struggle with friendships otherwise.

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  • Sounds like borderline personality disorder.

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  • Friendship is based on trust and a mutual desire to see one another succeed. Currently you've expressed signs of possessiveness and insecurity which can certainly harm the friendship. If you truly want your friendship to flourish then I suggest getting professional help and possibly taking anti-depressants. There's clearly a lot going on in your head which needs to be addressed before trying to mend things with your friend. It's okay to hang out with them, it's okay to worry, it's normal to not be satisfied with yourself. We're human, we're flawed. What's important is that we endeavour to improve ourselves and make up for our misdeeds. Your friend sounds like an understanding person. If you need support be sure to contact whoever you can, just try not to hold it against them if they can't be there. Everyone has their own battles to fight and lives to live after all

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  • I had one friend I would go as far as to say we were best friends. Hung out all the time etc. Git home after we hung out once went to bed woke up went to school and she wouldn't talk to me. She never spoke to me again and I dont know why. Her friends wouldnt talk to me either.

    Looking back I think she liked me and previously I had made some stupid joke about us cause everyone always thought we should date. I never thought about her that way and didnt even think she had if she had. Anyways I made some dumb joke and I guess she took that hard. I sometimes wonder about that. Part of me missed her part of me is totally over it all. Idk.

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  • Insecurity is my biggest turn off. It is really tiresome and frustrating to deal with someone like that. Sorry just being honest. It feels extremely manipulative and self absorbed to me.

    You should probably work on yourself before putting your friend through that again.

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    • Yes! A case study on a 6'4" iin user showed that hiding and minimizing his insecurities while dating improved sexual sucess with women by a statistically significant amount (DNM, 2019)

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    • Insecurities are the worst for everyone involved. I'm a bit insecure but I certainly dont make it other peoples problems haha

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