I really only enjoy raising my kids when they were babies.

I love all my kids equally, just to get that out of the way before anyone thinks I want to continue having baby after baby just to hate them when they turn one.

I am not addicted to being pregnant, I always had some complication, was very sick and lots a ton of weight with each pregnancy. It just wasn't my cup of tea. I only like it in the sense of the waiting and anticipation that a new baby brings into a family. I loved looking forward to having the baby, spending time in the hospital with him or her. Just cuddling my new baby for 2-3 days and not expected to do anything else. I love it. I love newborns. I don't look back at when they were newborns/infants and think, "Wow, I am glad that is over!!"

I miss them being tiny newborns and smelling their sweet baby scent. Nursing them frequently. I thought at each stage they got cuter and cuter, but I still long for more newborns to snuggle.

I had a tubal ligation because we were done with children. I am still in my early 30's and it was quite easy for me to get pregnant. 6 weeks after my last was born I went in for the surgery. Now, while I am obsessed with newborns, never did I give birth and thing "OH yes, can't wait to do that again!" and start planning my next baby. Once I had my 2nd I assumed we were done. It didn't hit me until he was around 2 that I did really want more kids.
With my last, it was very much the same. I felt as though I was making an informed decision. I was a bit sad, but ready to start the new chapter in our life.

What I really didn't think about until later, was I was already moving on from being that mom with a baby, saying goodbye to the last of the "first". Never again will I feel a baby inside of me tumbling and kicking. I won't hold my husband's hand has we find out our childs sex. None of that wonderful anticipation that pregnancy brings.
No more "babymoons" at the hospital and the first few weeks the baby is home, getting to know your new child. Had I really thought about it, I would have paid attention more to those first coo's and smiles. Actually gotten a baby book and write it all down. Worked less so I could really just drink in the last days of this season in life.

When he turned one is when that really started to sink in. He was a walking talking toddler now. I had some doubts in the weeks and months after the surgery, but I shoved them down because I still had this baby in front of me. The season was still here.
I cry a lot thinking about how that part of my life is over, and I really don't think I was ready to close that book.

I spend the better part of a decade either being pregnant, or nursing. Sometimes both at the same time. I wonder, am I just sad because it is over? This is the longest chapter of life I have had, being a mom to young children. Are mothers never really sure when they say they are done? I think that actually deciding to be done with having children was a bigger decision than actually having them. Or is it what I Think it is, I really do want another and there was room for more. It doesn't change the fact that they took will grow up.