I really like a guy as a friend but he's single and likes me?
Is it normal I just want to be friends but he wants more..but I don't like him that way
Voting Results
84% Normal
Based on 19 votes
(16 yes)
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Comments ( 45
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EggKegg
I’ve got a similar issue, I’ve told my friend how I felt, they told me they were fine with that, but now I feel terrible, hoping I haven’t hurt their feelings.
I constantly ponder on it, because they’re like a sibling to me.Comment Hidden ( show ) -
SwickDinging
Yeah, it's fine, but if you don't like him like that then don't take it any further. It's his problem, not yours
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RoseIsabella
Yep, this is the best answer!
I had a male bestfriend that I had to dump almost twenty years ago. He had a thing for me, but I didn't wanna see it, but then one day he told me in graphic detail what he wanted to do to me so I pretty much had no choice, but to dump him. He should have kept his mouth shut. He told me he was joking, but the trust was gone, and I'm not going to remain friends with someone I don't trust.
We had been close friends for about twelve, or thirteen years before he made it really weird.
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SwickDinging
I'm sorry that this happened but I'm also laughing at this because I'm trying to imagine the guy explain how this was a "joke"! Yeah, because we all make jokes like that lol...
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RoseIsabella
Thank you so much for your response! I really appreciate your point of view on this thing here.
This actually happened back in May of 2000 about a week before I scheduled to fly to Houston, Texas from Jackson, Mississippi for a vacation to visit friends, and I had planned to split time my between my my two best friends. I would stay a little over half the time with my female best friend, her husband and two daughters, then I would spend a few days with my guy bestfriend. Obviously after my guy bestfriend told me in graphic detail what he wanted to do to me sexually I sure as Hell wasn't going to be spending time with him, much less spending the night at his place. My trust of him as a dear, close, platonic, male friend was irreparably shattered. I told him I needed some space, and he cried about it, but that was the end of our friendship almost nineteen years ago.
Also I want to mention that I was married to my first husband at the time, and so I really didn't want to remain friends with someone who had disrespected my then husband by saying all of that garbage to me. As far as I am concerned he gave me no choice.
Women shouldn't put up with bullshit that makes them uncomfortable just because the guy who said it was a so called "friend". There is truth in jest!
William Shakespeare — "Many a true word hath been spoken in jest."
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SwickDinging
You 100% did the right thing. He obviously had planned to fuck you while you stayed there. Creepy. It's not even like he made a declaration of love - he just said sexual stuff. That's disappointing and it sours the whole friendship. You can't unhear those things. And yeah, as you say, you were married at the time so that makes it 10 times worse. He's basically saying "hey, why don't you cheat on your husband with me because I fancy you?". That's not what friends do.
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RoseIsabella
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RoseIsabella
He was my friend, and I loved him like a brother, I'd gladly have taken a bullet for him, but I wouldn't sleep with him if he were the last man on Earth!
Once again I really, and truly appreciate your response, because I don't think there's anything outlandish about what I've said, and done, but there are so many stupid men who get resentful toward me about that friendship I let go of so long ago. They basically project all their bad experiences about being friendzoned onto me for whatever selfish, and pathetic reason. I have been friendzoned in my life, and it's never hurt or angered me, because I've always recognized that other people have a right to say no to me, or anyone else for whatever reason they so choose. Sure it hurts to be rejected, but if I can't get over it then I have to just walk away from the friendship instead wasting my life pining for someone who doesn't want me anyway. Part of respecting one's own self is learning to respect other people.
Once again thanks for your healthy, and robust response.
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mauzi
Ahah good point, damn that’s sad though, does he ever try to contact you anymore ?
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RoseIsabella
Nope, he has NEVER tried to contact me, thank God! I don't think I could ever rekindle that friendship we once had, because he obviously had a lack of respect for me, my marriage at the time and what I would want.
He did it to himself, and to me. I'm actually quite grateful, because it was better to have ended our friendship than have him try to put the moves on me when I'm drunk, or stoned and hanging out with him.
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Ellenna
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mauzi
be his Lesbian wingman then flik it to getting emotionally cucked, win-win, that's what i would do anyway
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Whatcouldpossiblygowrong
It's totally fine that there is no reciprocity of emotions over that matter. Just keep in mind that you should not hate him for feeling that way because emotions are very powerful. Just make him realize and understand your side, and his feelings will gradually subside.
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WeirdGuyFromTheSouth
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RoseIsabella
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[Old Memory]
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SmokeEverything
Life is better if you just have sex with platonic friends and never get into relationships. A close friend won't give you VD like a stranger will.
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RoseIsabella
If you have sex with platonic friends then they aren't actually platonic friends.
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Indigo1
on a scale from 1-10 how much of a turn off is it to think about having sex with him? 10 being maximum turn off, 1 being no turn off
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Indigo1
so you're 60% turned on by the idea of sex with him! I say Give the man a chance at a date! lol
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RoseIsabella
I think you're trying to put words in OP's mouth there.
Not being turned off is not the equivalent of being turned on. Not being turned off is probably more like being in a neutral state of mind.
Regardless, I don't think OP or anyone who is the object of affections he, or she does not reciprocate ought to do anything to encourage unwanted attention.
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Indigo1
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RoseIsabella
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Indigo1
Also you make a good point on the 1-10 scale....although I did say 1 = "no turn off" which i guess you right doesn't necessarily imply turn on, but then again... If you're having sex with "zero turn off" ....your probably turned on right? idk if there really is a neutral, if you're not turned off during sex you must be turned on...yes? idk lol
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Indigo1
I hear you, Fair enough, but %40 turn off out of a possible %100 seems to me that she may have a small part of her that could be ever so slightly interested. she's not completely repulsed by him. I just feel too often now a days people expect the disney idea of love that they will know it right away, id argue it could be possible that her just giving him a chance on a few dates might not be the most terrible of things to do/try. I suppose it could just easily be a bad idea. hard to say without knowing enough detail. figured id bring the devils advocate to the table. Too often i've seen people pass up love for years just because they weren't completely sold or it felt weird at to think about cause they were close friends...only later they find each other again and realize it was love all along. I guess i generally side on the don't be afraid to try uncomfortable things cause its often where you unearth the deepest connections with people. But again ya maybe in this case she knows him more than we do and she %100 knows he's not for her.
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